How can i feel better about myself when i'm feeling like a nobody living in my elder sister's shadow?

Question

Yes. i'm 14 and she is 17. everything i wish to do well enough, i find her a step ahead of me each time. like i watch this movie which has lots of piano songs in it, and i love it a lot, but before i could find the score, she's already playing it. or like i love a subject very much, then i'd find her loving it just as much too and also do better in it than anyone else. i don't know if she does it on purpose or what but it's making me feel so useless. and simply whenever i want to do something well, i could see her already doing it.

i feel so really really useless and good at nothing. i'm the youngest in my family and it's already very hard to cope this way. i want to just be good at something, something other people will look up to. i'm not sayign i like the glory or anythign like that, but i just want to be good at Something. i'm like very very small in this family and my sis is making it more and more obvious. when it comes to drawing, she doesn't really have much interest in it but she does superly well, and playing the piano, everyone says she's a child prodigy. i love ballet but i stop wehn i was a kid, took no more than 4 classes. and now at 14 i went back to ballet and joined a group of kids and it doesn't really created a prob, but my sis keep making me feel terrible becasue she keeps doing all these stretches and splits and doing everything i can't do in front of me. and she's a very difficult person to deal with. she has a Very Long Story and it'll take ages to finish it. she ran away, turned herself anorexic and lots more....

and i feel like super Nobody. i want to play the piano well, but the way i play it.... when we both love the same song and we both play it, i feel like the music i produce is like mud on the ground, and the music she plays makes everybody's ears perk up. and wehn it comes to art, my drawing makes everyone want to throw it into the recycle bin while her's make them want to frame it up and hang it in the museum. when it comes to skills, like computer, or simply everything, i Suck, and she goes famous.

what would YOU do?

Answer 1

Come on, your stuff probably isn't anything as bad as you make it out to be .... just take up something she hasn't done yet, and see how you like it! And only do it for enjoyment, not for any other reason.

Life is too short to be comparing yourself with other people.  

Answer 2

tell her it bothers u.

if she doesn't care, forget her.

do stuff differently than her.

b spontaneous!!!!!!

dont do anything bad though! like run away or b anorexic.

just remeber. ur not as attention-hungry, as her that makes u do things that u'll regret..

ur better than her because she needs tto b the center of attention to feel good. u don't

b urself. dont think of urself as "not as good as..."

she has an attention problem, but she doen't know it.

and u dnot suck.

u rock !!!!!

Answer 3

Wow, I know exactly how you feel.  I have 2 older siblings.  One in a great college, the other in a great Med School.  I'm the youngest too.  I know how it feels.  What you have to do is find something that your sister has never done before.  Maybe a sport?  Soccer? Tennis? Even if you're horrible, sports are a great way for you to get your parents to watch you.  And if you're horrible, but your sister doesn't play, you're better than she is, right?  and I promise that sports actually are really fun.  If you get used to the running, soccer and tennis are amazing.  and if you're worried about the manlyness of a sport, dont worry.  Soccer's popularity among girls is growing every day.  

Also, a good idea is to talk to your parents one time and tell them how you feel.  I went through the EXACT same thing.  I talked to my parents about it and they made me feel a lot better.  Even if your sister is so perfect, your parents love you a ton too.  They'd be heartbroken if they found out how you felt.  Try talking to your parents and try starting a sport.  I think AYSO soccer is starting soon.

Answer 4

one of the bad things about being the youngest is following in the footsteps. we get hand me down clothes, teachers call us the wrong name, etc. i say keep doing what you want and do it well. right now she may be getting the attention but you will both grow out of it. the sibling competitions never completely stop but someday hopefully she will come around and let you have the spot light. you could try to talk to your sister and see if she will back off and let you get praise too. Keep your head up, you are special even if it seems like nobody notices.

Answer 5

dont play to be good at something. do it because u love it.

Answer 6

I know what you are going through - I have a genius brother, four years older, and there is no way I could ever "compete" with him in anything. Even in the fields he's not trained in, he excells, because he's smart. Example: I love scrabble, have been playing it for a few years, and at a family meeting I challenged him to a game. At first I was kicking his butt because he didn't know how to play well (had been years, he forgot) but by the middle he got the hang of it and by the end he beat me by 2 points. He joked about it by saying he snatched victory from the grips of defeat.

Anyway, that's just to say I know how you feel, but I want you to listen to some of the advice I have for you.

From reading this, while you may not be as "talented" as your sister, you sound like the more down-to-earth and real person. People will notice this in you. You seem to be more sensitive, you seem to be more in-tune with emotions, and you seem to genuninely want to be good in something.

The best thing for you to do (and I'm sure you're gonna hear this a lot) is not to engage in competition with her. The reason I'm saying that is because looking at her, you may get discouraged and give up getting better at things you would otherwise get good at if you stuck with it. She has a few years on you, so she will probably be better initially. But say that you stick 3 years into piano now, how good could YOU be by the time you will be 17? But how good could you be if you let her bring you down to where you give up?

Also, just from the few things you told me about her, being anorexic and running away, etc. she seems like a person that although good at stuff, is plagued by insecurity and the inability to be OK unless she is better than someone else. This can EAT away at a person, and you need to stop engaging in this unhealthy pattern. Complement her if she is good at something, and ask her to show you how to do it. I KNOW this is weird and sounds like it may be very hard for you, but it will help, believe me. The reason? You will come across as being the more mature person, the person that says "hey, I'm 3 years younger, I have an older sister good at stuff, and I don't have to be just as good or better than her, I just need to learn from whoever I can so I can get better at what I like, for me, not because I'm competing with someone else."

The most important thing for you to do is to take care of your own emotional needs and to find things fulfilling to you. Maybe pick something your sister has never done or tried and get good at it... maybe learn photography? Get into web design - it's fun!! Maybe pick not ballet but another type of dance.

But the thing is... you are young and precious just as you are and it's a shame to let an older sister ruin your teenage experience. So enjoy things you like that you are good at and don't let her stress you out and make you quit!!

Answer 7

It is called sibling rivalry! She wants to think that she is better then you and it is dumb! Just ignore her and she should stop, and if she doesn't then talk to her and tell you that you dont want to compete with her, you are sisters and you should be helping one another not competing against each other!

Answer 8

I was in the exact same perdicament when I was younger. And as much as you think your in her shadow, you just have to keep on going. It seemed to me my sister always got the most praise, the most attention from my parents, more friends. However if you tal to your parents, Im sure they will tell you differnt. My sister is high matience, and im much more laid back, so my parents didnt think it would make a big deal to me. If you talk to them one on one about it, then they'll see things your way. As well, your sister isnt perfect in the least. Shes got just as many flaws, even if shes better at hiding them. Plus like you said she has had problems. Maybe she feels like she HAS to prove herself, because shes feeling just as crummy as your feeling. That may be hard to see because of your age differance right now, but when you get older and your in the same place in life, you'll see it. Just try to see whats special about you and keep living. Time is one of the best teachers, if you keep being th ebest you can be you will get credit for it.

Answer 9

well first on nobody is a nobody everyone is a somebody i know how you feel i have an older sister bye 2 years i used to think she would beat me to everything until one day i found something that i was good and she was not and i stuck to it so i think you should find some thing you are good at and stick to it i know you are saying well she is going to be me to it but she is not going to!!! and also ask her to ,like, stop trying to do everything because it is hurtful to me and i don't get my chance to shine!! :)

Answer 10

Hold on there kiddo, you are probably a lot better at complaining about how terrible  you are at things than she is.  Remember that she has 3 whole years more knowledge under her belt than you do.  your better at these skills than someone 3 years younger than you are.

don't worry about her and just be YOU.  

Answer 11

I would completely ignore her and move on with my own life.