How can i forgive myself for mistakes i have made. i can't seem to let it go and realize that i am human... ?

Question

i cheated on my boyfriend (he knows i told him) and he has forgiven me but i cant seem to forgive myself. it is causing our relationship to get worse and worse. everytime we try to work on things i have a mental breakdown and we are back where we started. he is so patient with me and he just keeps trying. he deserves better and i want to get past this so we can get on with our life and our plans. please help!!!

Answer 1

Glad to hear you learned from your mistake.  You need to forgive yourself first before you can move on.  He needs to be patient and wait for you to do so.  Once you forgive yourself you can start working on your relationship.  Learn from it and don't get yourself into that position again.  Relationships can recover from affairs and they become stronger from it.  Affairs cause a lot of heartache and pain, it will take time for both of you to get over this.

Answer 2

You are human and you made a mistake.  I would highly recommend therapy, you can work with your therapist to learn to forgive yourself and move on.  I am sure that your boyfriend would also benefit from being able to talk to someone about how to deal with your guilt.  Good luck.

Answer 3

Give it time and youll feel better.  Obviously, you truly do regret doing it.  

Answer 4

Forgiveness is a choice....just as your boyfriend has chosen to forgive you. He made a conscience decision to choose to forgive. It's not easy to forgive yourself, but why do think you hold on to it? Let's say you moved on and it was easy then how would you look at yourself?  Do you feel you deserve a man like that? If your answer is no, then what do you feel you deserve in a man? That's a good man..you made a mistake for whatever the reason was. You came clean he forgave..that's called a healthy relationship. People tend to hold onto things for a reason...you getting something from holding onto this..maybe punishment, maybe power and control because you don't feel worthy of his forgiveness, love and respect. I hoped I've helped..OleCoop  

Answer 5

Well, its a hard thing to get over once you have cheated on him. I can relate and time is what heals. You constantly need to just let it go and decide what you really want. You need to just let it go. You admited it and told him which is a BIG step! Most women and men are not that honest with each other so be happy that you told him, thats a great thing. The fact that he forgave you really shows how much he loves you and cares about the relationship so quit dwelling on something that isn't hanging over your head anymore. Get back into the groove of things and let it be that! Take care!

Answer 6

Look at it this way. Cheating is not a mistake but a choice. It's not like you went out and accidentally cheated on him. You could have stopped at anytime but did not. Therefore you chose to cheat on him. You are very lucky for having such a good guy that has stuck with you through this.

What you need to realize is that everyone in this life makes bad choices and you can't sit there and let them keep you down. It's what you learn from those bad choices that really makes you who you are.

Cheating and trying to make things work is one of the hardest things you'll do in life if you really love your significant other. What you are going through is a sign of how much you care for him. At least you are showing truthful remorse for your bad choice.

Just hang in there and learn from it and don't make the same bad choice again. Good guys do not deserve to be cheated on, especially more than once.  

Answer 7

Stop trying to be perfect. As you stated, you are just a human. You live and you learn. By now, you've learned that cheating is terrible. But back then, when you were doing it, it seemed like a good idea for some reason. You had you reasons, even if they were wrong. Now, move on and live happy. Stop feeling guilty. Don't try to "work on problems" too hard.