How can i get her to come to the wedding!!!?(or should I?)?

Question

Okay, so I had to let one of my friends down on being a bridesmaid.

She always canceled last minute about not being able to show up for fittings, picking out flowers, everything! And she was real rude whenever I tried to talk to her about it. She even said my wedding was "not that big of a deal anyways" So, i decided that it would be less stressful on me, and alot easier if she was just a guest.

I informed her of this and she again, told me how stupid i was and how it was a mistake, (without her my wedding party will be ugly, she said!) (sweet huh?)

But still, she has always been a really good friend, exluding a few times lol

So today she left me a message saying if she wasnt in the wedding, she wasn't even going to come. I'm stressed out enough, how do i get her to get over herself and come to the wedding, or should i even bother?

Answer 1

Don't bother.

Honestly, its self-centered b*****s like this that think every moment needs to be about them. If it was her wedding day, do you think she'd take this kind of c**p from you? No! She would send you packing and wouldn't think twice about her.

Tell her that this is YOUR wedding and if she wants to grow up and attend, fine. If not, thats fine too. She made her bed now she can lay in it!

Ugh! I have one of these types involved in my wedding, too!

Answer 2

Don't bother. If you keep placating her, she is going to keep acting like this.

Answer 3

Don't bother.  If she is acting this way then she isn't a good friend and I wouldn't want her at my wedding.  She might make trouble because she isn't a bridesmaid.  Tell her not to worry about coming and tell her you didn't invite her because she herself said that if she wasn't a bridesmaid that she wasn't coming to the wedding.  The way she is acting she is probably jealous.

Answer 4

Ok, so here's the deal. No one here really understands your situation completely bcuz they didn't go thru the times you and ur friend did. But honestly, I would NEVER tell ANY of my friends that i wouldn't go to the wedding if i couldn't b a bridesmaid. Especially when it was my fault! No offense but she is acting a bit childish. If you really feel up to it, try talking to her. But if not, she's going to look back on your wedding day and feel so sorry that she missed it. Hope things work out for you. Congadulations on getting hitched :)

Answer 5

Don't bother.  The most you should do is send her an invite and that is all.  If she comes as a guest she will probably just bad mouth you all day anyways.  

Answer 6

Seriously, can you imagine what kind of drama will ensue if you force her to come to your wedding?  Those things she said to you are rude and unacceptable!  She will probably say just as nasty things about you at your wedding!  You are unbelievably forgiving, my dear!!  Kudos to you, but I think you should let this one go and just don't bother with trying to make her come!  

Answer 7

dont bother, you dont need any drama at your wedding!

Answer 8

Don't bother!  You dont need to deal with the potential stress her being there may cause.  Just respond to her and let her know that you made a difficult choice but either way you see her as a close friend and that you hope she will be there for you.  

Answer 9

Really? You would be better off without her there. If she doesn't show up, you won't regret it, but I bet she sure will! I doubt your bridesmaids want such a rude, negative person there who would insult the people closest to you. Forget her. That is not a real friend!

Answer 10

If she was a close friend, I would take a deep breath, swallow a little pride and take her out to lunch, explain to her whats going on, and that you love her dearly, but that this is all stressful enough on me and that it would still mean the world to me if she was at the wedding.

You could even ask (if you feel comfortable) to have her be your Wedding Day attendant, basically she carrys your stuff, helps you in and out of clothes, get you a water bottle while you are waiting ect. (or you totally don't have to do this, a friend of mine did this)

Good Luck and Congradulations  

Answer 11

You two have outgrown each other.

You would never do this to her.

Say goodbye to her, remember the good times and don't look back.

Enjoy your wedding.

Answer 12

If you still want this person at your wedding then go ahead and invite.  It will be up to her whether or not she wants to put on her big girl panties and go to your wedding.  If she does great, if she doesn't that is fine too.  After all this is supposed to be your special day and you dont want one person to ruin it if you try to coerce her into coming so that she feels forced.

Answer 13

That's really weird. Maybe she is just jealous that you are getting married. I would call and leave her a message or write her and say, "We've been friends for a long time, and I'm sorry things have gotten so bad lately. I don't know what I've said that hurt you or upset you so much, but I would really love for you to be at my wedding. I am hoping that you value our friendship enough to come. I miss you."

Or something like that. It isn't all your fault, I know. But be the bigger person and apologize and put the ball in her court. If she chooses to come to the wedding, then eventually you two might patch things up. If not, then you may have to let her go.

(I really think she may be jealous and sad and feels that she is losing you, and being a real witch is the only way she knows how to deal with these emotions.)

Answer 14

You only want those who love and support you at your wedding anyway, she's missed the mark.  Don't bother with her.  

Answer 15

Why bother and why are you stressing over this.  She does not sound as if she was really your friend anyway.  If she does not want to come why waste an invitation.  Let her go if this is how she is going to act.  If she was a real friend you would not have had to let her go as a bridesmaid.  You are the one better off in this deal so let sleeping dogs lie and let bitter b*****s stay home

Answer 16

Only you can decide if you want her at your wedding or not. From what you've said here she sounds like a terrible person, but I don't want to judge, because this is only one side of one incident.

If you still want her to go to the wedding, and the invitations haven't been sent out yet, just make sure she gets one. If she's already got an invitation, I would write her a note letting her know that she is still welcome to come to the wedding if she changes her mind, and that you would love to have her there. I say write a note because you want to be personal with her (so no email), but you don't want to just get into a fight, which is what would be likely to happen if you phoned her or talked to her in person.

Answer 17

It is up to you, to talk to her about it, or just send her an invitation.

So many reasons other than just being an attention seeking spoiled brat that could have caused her to be mean.

But really, she will show up if she wants to, and all the talking in the world won't change that.  

Answer 18

If she wants to exclude herself from the wedding, let her.  Just today I was reading an article about people who intentionally show up at weddings to ruin them.  She's obviously jealous of your happiness and you deserve to have your special day unspoiled!

Answer 19

Don't bother, not at all. The purpose of having a wedding is so that people can share in your joy on a very special day for you and your future husband. She obviously doesn't want to be a part of this.  

Answer 20

I wouldn't even respond. You don't need friends like this.  

Answer 21

I'm sorry... i wouldn't want her there! imagine how awkward it would look when your walking around to all of your guest and shes in the back whispering "i was suppose to be a bridesmaid, but she kicked me out!" she sound like a damper on any fun event. don't even bother!