How can i get my 10 yr old step daughter to listen to me??

Question

This is so hard. She came to live with us about 8 months ago and sometimes it is h**l....she is nasty to her little brother and other kids...she has no respect for other peoples toys or belongings...i could fill an A4 sheet of paper with the things she has broken. She also has no respect for her own belongings. i have tried everything....ive taken her toys away...ive spanked her...ive grounded her...ive taken tv away but nothing seems to work...she doesnt listen to her dad either. I tried something new the other day...i took her out for a hot chocolate and explained to her that the things she is doing is not only hurting other people its hurting herself because she is getting punished...She looked at me and said she was sorry and that she would try harder.....my gesture didnt work because as soon as we got home she broke her brothers birthday present that was only a day old and then lied about it....even though both me and her dad saw her do it....its almost like she doesnt care..What can i do???!!!

Answer 1

two options.

spank her.

or spank her.

No, seriously though, as dumb as it sounds, you have to show her you aren't trying to replace her mother, or intrude into her life. Seems like she is acting out, maybe trying to get her father's attention. You also have to be consistent with how you discipline her, when you do. You can't go from spanking to just grounding, to yelling, to taking away toys. Also, don't show your frustration in front of her, don't get flustered in front of her. That just fuels some kids, makes them realize they are getting under your skin.

Hope this helps! Good luck!

Answer 2

therapist?

Answer 3

hahahahahahaha what an evil little girl.

put her up for adoption.!

Answer 4

It's important for a child (as you well know) to have structure in her life. The very idea of her not listening to her own father (no offense--but some kids get kinda off center with a step-mom in the picture), is completely ridiculous. She needs consistency and punishment. Keep her in her own room for time outs, DO NOT let her do fun family activities until she can learn to behave like a normal child. This must be a consistent thing. I would also try consulting a child psychologist. Maybe she should see someone about her destructive behavior. You do NOT want this type of rebellion during her teen years or she will seem like an angel right now compared to the future.

Answer 5

What a life she was brought into. She obviously hates it there but the hot chocolate time shows her intentions are good. Separation from the others would be helpful .  I feel so sorry for children of parents who are divorced and how they are moved around and truly have no home. Please try to give her some special time and positive reinforcement. Did your husband ask you to punish her ( I mean did you discuss when she arrived how the discipline would be given since some bio parents do not want the step parent to intervene-wouldn't that be nice?)

Answer 6

She is attention seeking, and your playing into the palm of her hand.

So what to do you may ask? Ignore her! If she breaks something, dont look at her. if she cries, screams, calls for you. Ignore. And then, when she apoligeses. Give her a hug and tell her to be good! and if she starts up, ignore her!

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;...

Whats your opiniune?

Answer 7

some kids just like to break things maybe she;s mad about something you have to try and talk to her and get into her head and figure out why she;s doing this first. if that doesnt work you may need to call one of those nanny's they can really help with bad behavour. dont let it continue though she will just get worst as she gets older.

Answer 8

Maybe stop being such a witch?

Answer 9

just tell her to stop! and tell her to respect other people's propeties

or call ppl whos in child service or something like that to solve the problem...

Answer 10

when u tell her to do something tell her tat u will get her a big ice cream! and maybe she will start doing stuff ur telling her to do! CALL NANNY911!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LOL

Answer 11

just talk 2. let her know ur not against her, ur on her side.(?) tell her every time u get the chance that u luv, & just want her to trust u. she'll come around. wish u the best of luck.

  

Answer 12

Well you could try the fear factor put her in a room and tell her you are going to give her a sever punishment such as making her sleep out side leave the room and wait at the door but act like your leaving to get something to make it more cruel by then she should be yelling and begging not to punish her and if that dosen`t work send her to a military camp!

Answer 13

im thirteen so u should prob not be listening to me but spend some time with her i know she can be bratty sometimes but i think all she wants is bonding time and for someone to listen and get some attintion go to the mall or movies. if it doesnt work o well you tried! :(

Answer 14

i would suggest a counselor of some sort its a big adjustment to not only move into a new home but have a new family theres not really anything u can do...and by the way some kids need to be spanked to learn that what they did was wrong just because u spanked ur kid dosent make u a bad person even if its ur step daughter dont listen to that person

Answer 15

This is not something that you are going to be able to manage alone. You need family counseling because this kid has some very serious anger and trust issues and you need to work together to get the help she needs. Consult the family doctor or call your local Mental Health/ Mental Retardation agency in the yellow pages.  

Answer 16

You spanked her?? you had no right to do that ....

i'm not saying it's wrong overall to spank kids but she's not her mother she's the STEP mom so therefore she has no right.She obviously has problems that go deeper just take her to a therapist...

Answer 17

what worked with me was if you break something of mine i break yours but or either reward the child when she does good recognize the good deeds she does also

Answer 18

There isn't enough information for a good diagnosis.  Has she displayed this behavior for only the eight months or has it been a number of years.  

If it's the eight months, then I would think it would be pent up anger over moving.  It could also be that she disapproves of you.  If this is so, you should take her on a trip.  Just the two of you to gain her trust. Don't make it all about her but a combination of both of you.  

If her attitude has spanned years, then I would say her father spoiled her.  If that's the case, I don't know what to say.  

Answer 19

It's not the step parents job to disapline, it's the parents job.  Your problem is how to you get your husband or wife to listen to you.

Answer 20

take to her a theraphist. i used to be a living h**l too. and then i was taken to a theraphist and then i changed.