How can i get my 16 year old daughter undercontrol!!

Question

I dont know what to do anymore before we moved she was a sweet quiet shy girl she didint get introuble i didint have to ground her or anything. now she has been hanging around a boy who used to do drugs and does drink and shes drinking shes getting drunk sometimes i wake up and shes not home yet. i tryed everything to get her undercontrol . she used to have pretty decent grades now shes falling behind in school and her grades are not good. i just would like to know were my daughter went cause this isint her. does anyone have some suggestions for me .

Answer 1

she isn't too old to ground her !!  

Answer 2

You say you wake up and she is not home...why is your daughter allowed out all night?? Does she have a curfew? I was never allowed to stay out all night. When I went out with friends, my dad would drop me off and pick me up usually around 10-11pm. Sometimes midnight. But he would never just go to sleep and let me come home on my own accord!! A 16 year old is still a child, and needs curfews, as she is proving to you right now. By you setting curfews, and dropping her off and picking her up, you are still allowing her a little freedom (remember she is only 16), and you know where she is and who she is hanging out with.

When I got older, I didn't have a curfew - but I would still have a designated time to ring my parents to let them know I was ok. For example, I would ring them at 2am (designated time) to say "its me, im ok, but I will probably be another hour or so". This way I still had my freedom, but also had security in knowing that if something did happen to me and I couldnt call at 2am, my father would know something was wrong and would come looking for me - rather than him waking up at 8am the next morning 6 hours later and realising something was wrong too late  

Answer 3

i agree i think she needs to be grounded.....and not just from going outside ......from using the phone and computer as welll.....

Answer 4

not much you can do but hope you taught her well. i went throgh everything a parent doesnt want to go through with a daughter. car accidents, drinking. tatoos , working at a strip club ,abusive boyfriends.

the only thing I can say is be there when she needs you. and she will grow out of it. if you can be honest with her and she can feel she can talk to you about anything. then she will also listen. my daughter did. and we have the best mother daughter relationship you could imagine. she is married and has two daughters of her own and turned out just fine.  

Answer 5

Do the Scared Straight Program . They take them to jails and show them what people that act like that get in the long run . Good luck !  

Answer 6

As a counselor, I have experience in working with kids and parents.  Have you tried any of the following?  Talking with her about what she is feeling and how you can support her?  Setting specific limits?  Withholding privileges?  Grounding?  Counseling for her and you?  Police involvement?  Sending her away to a residential treatment program for a little while to sort things out?  You may have to consider some things that may sound extreme to you.  She is probably very confused and needs you to set limits, even if she resists you.  Be patient with her, but be strong and stand your ground, too, so she knows what to expect and how far you will go to guide, protect, and love her.  Hope this helps.  Take care and be well.

Answer 7

Just ground her. She's at the rebel age.  

Answer 8

Perhaps some family counseling would help you guys get to the bottom of the issues. Many times teens act out because they feel unloved and appreciated. Let her know you love her, want her to have a good time, but also must keep her safe. You can ground her, and if she isn't in by curfew do not hesitate to go get her or have the police do it. My mother did that with me. I acted out because life at home was not so great. Chances are she fell in with the wrong crowd after the move. Maybe you should try taking her to church or some place where she could meet friends who are better influences on her. Your control will be taken in a few short years, so you need to start working hard now to ensure her bright future. Good luck!

Answer 9

I was the same way as a teenager.  I was a mom's worst nightmare, and pray everynight my daughters are nothing like I was.  But honestly, the more you yell, the more she is going to rebel.  Have a serious talk with her, tell her how you feel, let her know that it hurts you the way that she is acting.  Let her know how you feel about her drinking, and about her grades.  When I was 16 all my mom did was yell and scream at me (I would scream back), ground me (I would go out anyway, she would take my car away(I would have my friends come get me).  Nothing worked, but I honestly feel if she would have talked to me, and told me how much I was hurting her, I would have probably mellowed out a little.