How can i get my 5 yr old son to stop crying or throwing him self?

Question

My son is 5 and is still throwing fits when i tell him to clean this room or its bed time, when its time to go home from grandmas house. I have talk to the doctors about it and all they tell me is that its because he was a preem. Its frustrating when he does this because it makes me think that i have done somthing wrong that make him not want to go home or that i dont spend much time with him but i think i do i am a stay at home mom so i can be there for him any time. he also does this when he has to go to school or come home from school. so if you have any ideas on how to help me to get him over this.

Answer 1

If discipline is not working how about rewarding his good behavior. I set up a sticker board and when I get the desired attitude or behavior I would put up a sticker when it got to 15 I would then do something special. When it comes to cleaning rooms I would make a game out of it. I would say "I bet I can clean the kitchen before you can get your room clean" it is amazing how if you can turn chores into games how well children respond. I usually warn 5 - 10 mins before we leave somewhere I know my kids will be sad to leave. Then I have them get shoes on etc 2 mins before we leave then they can play for the remainder of the time if they hurry. Then we say goodbye. I find that if they know it is happening in so many minutes that it works better than just saying it is time to go. I hope this helps and just know this is normal behavior. When it comes to just tantrums walk out of the room and do not respond to them. Good luck.

Answer 2

Time out....its a game to him right now it appears. While they are young they are going to think really irrational. You let him get his way so now all he does is throw fits....

Try a cookie system with him? For every number of chores he does he gets a cookie. If there is two of you...parents, then both of you have to agree with each other on things...don't let one over-rule the other.

...Watch Nanny 911. :p They have this problem all the time...I'm sure you can pick up some new things.

Set him strait.

Answer 3

Beat his ***!

Sounds like he needs a spanking to me, I don't know, I have a 6 year old, and an 8 year old and til this day, neither of them has thrown a tantrum...EVER! ( I have a 7 month old that looks like she is going to change things around here though).

But I don't walk around hitting my kids either, but 5 year olds can entertain themselves with their fingers and toes so taking toys may not work so well...yet.

How about a warning? We are going to leave here, so one more game, (they really don't have a concept of time at that age). Or when Hip Hop Harry goes off we're leaving, just something so it's not immediate. A bedtime routine where there is one more extra fun thing right before bed included. But if he does it for one thing, he is going to do it for everything, grandmas house, school, the store.

It's school, the teacher's have to go home and hve dinner, so do we. I had a 2 year old kid that I watched that did this, and before leaving the park and stuff, I would tell him do everything else 2 more times, then we are going back to have lunch, then we would either march out like soldiers, or hop out like bunnies...together. Who care's if you look ridicuolous hopping with your son, it's not half as ridiculous as you would look dragging out a screaming kid, looking like you're kidnapping him.

Answer 4

squirt him with a water bottle - with water in it each time.

Answer 5

Don't take this the wrong way but just because your a stay at home doesn't mean you are giving him attention he needs or wants, maybe look again and make sure the time you are spending is good time with him. You need to set ground rules and stick to them. Sometimes it is hard to break the habits but he will be better person and you will be happier around him.

Answer 6

My son is 5 and has similar issues, more often when he's tired or during transitions- leaving the house, going to bed, etc. Some kids have a harder time with transitions than the average kid so it might help to give him warnings before each transition- "we're leaving in 5 minutes", etc and ask teachers to do the same. I started making my son sit in the naughty chair for 5 minutes each time he threw a fit and now he throws tantrums less often. He throws fits because he feels out of control so I think having to stay in that one place for 5 minutes is enough to get him to calm down and stop spinning out of control. Sometime he'll cry until he hears the buzzer go off but then I can talk calmly to him about why he had to sit there- he yelled at me or whatever, and we can go on with our day. Sometimes food allergies can cause behavior problems as well, so that might be something you want to look into. My son ended up being allergic to gluten and dairy and when I took those two foods out of his diet his behavior improved significantly. Also, I would recommend the book, "The Out of Sync Child". It is about sensory intergration dysfunction, which I'm not saying your child has but problems with transitions are a symptom. Another mom recommended it to me and my son hasn't been diagnosed with anything but I found the book really helpful anyway! Hang in there and good luck! =]

Answer 7

Well, i think you should give him some discipline.

If he is being bad just put him in detention. Also don't yell at him nor hit him. THat's bad parenting skills because it will turn him into a scared child for the rest of his life. Try to keep things smooth and don't get angry at everything he does wrong he is only alittle boy.

Answer 8

My boyfriend used to throw himself on the floor and start banging his head on the hard tiled floor and when it start to hurt he moved to carpet. When he was little.lol He'll grow out of it.

Answer 9

you know, even though it is a bit strange, i actually like the water bottle idea..., although don't do it with anger, do it with justice.  (avoid the face)  i think a water bottle is less damaging than a spank. (meaning a little bottle like the ones you spray cleaner with, not a water bottle like you drink out of).

but my suggestion is to walk away, bringing anything he might pick up and play with before you leave. for example, turn off the TV if it is on, remove his favorite toy if he has one with him, and walk out of the room after giving a direction.  if he doesn't listen after a few minutes, you are the mom.  walk back in, pick him up and MAKE him do it.  personally, i nanny two older children, and threatening a tickle torture seems to work very very well, especially if i tell them that they WILL wet their pants from the tickles and would look very silly with wet pants when their parents come home.  so far, it gets the homework, cleaning, and practicing done, and they are still ina good mood after ward.

Answer 10

I think he's spoiled. Is his Dad there to help discipline him? You need to be firm and not let his wing-dings get the best of you. Hold your ground! You are the grown-up!

Answer 11

My daughter was a preemie and she never did that because of it.  She would try tantrum like any other 5 year old would don't get me wrong.  Being a preemie has nothing to do with it.  When she would do a tantrum I would walk away and not give her the attention she was looking for.  Set your schedule time to whatever a few minutes ahead so it doesn't cause you to be late.  Then walk away and don't let him see you.  He will stop because he is not getting the attention that he is looking for.  If that doesn't not work I swatted her behind.  It took only 1 or 2 swats, then I would tell her she was going to get a spanking if I got to 3.  It  is amazing how quickly the tantrum stopped.

Answer 12

It has nothing to do now with him being a premie then.  He is still 5 years old and a lot of it more than likely has to do with him controlling you instead of you controlling his behaviour.  You let him, sure he'll keep up the behavior. And 5 is not an age where you cannot effectively communicate your expectations.  Set small limits and punishments for breaking those, and above all, be consistent in meteing out those punishments.  On the other hand, be just as consistent and concentrating on the positives and rewards as you are on the punishments.  It is not easy being a parent, you owe them a lot more than food, water and clothing.  Glad you are aware of that!  Good luck, stay strong and still be loving and caring.

Answer 13

I have two year old twins, who were 9 weeks premature.  I really dont think that being a preemie affects the way our children behave,although mine do the same thing!!lol!!You are not a bad mother. What I do is not to give in to their every whim. I let them cry in the store, even though it embarrases me.  My doctor says the complete opposite. They should be caught up by age three.  Mine are caught up at age two.  Let him throw his fits.  Act like it doesn't bother you.  He will eventually realize that his attempts to get to you are not effective.

Answer 14

People used to spank their kids for a reason. Never underestimate the power of a smack on the butt. You don't have to hurt the kid just give him enough to let him know your serious.

Answer 15

Supernanny Jo would tell you that a fit is a fit and it's unacceptable at any age. He seems to be contstantly pushing his limits and he's winning! You have done nothing wrong! First. give him no options for the school thing as he is too little to be chosing his clothes and such. Secondly, have everything laid out the night before for him to get on. Make sure he is going to bed no later than 8:00. Secondly, make a time out area. You tell him he has to sit there until he calms down and can do what you ask of him to do. Everytime he gets up, you walk him right back and place him there. Without saying one word to him. You may have to do this for some time but he will get the hint. When he is done, ask for an apology and you tell him you love him but that sort of behavior is not acceptable. Good luck to you!

Answer 16

it sounds like he needs some consistent discipline! the key is consistency. Every child is different in what the will respond too. I was a child that needed to be beat (literally). No matter what my mother took away, bribery, time out, talking to me, nothing worked. Most kids are not this strong willed can easily respond to some ther negative response. the key is consistency you must punish him EVERY time he does it. NEVER give in. It is hard to do because it requires a lot of patience and effort from you. also couple his good behaviors with some positive reinforcement. (if hew was exceptionally polite, or he cleared his plate, or put away his toy on his own), acknowledge and praise him for it). He will learn to associate the responses he likes with the good behavior and the responses he doesn't like with the temper tantrums.

Answer 17

When my daughter started having behavior problems around that age I started the no chances rule.  I don't keep saying let's go,  we need to go,  you better stop or .....   I would tell her after a 5 - 10 minute going home warning.  It's time to leave now.  If she fusses I count backwards from 5.  5,(it's time to leave right now), 4 if your not in the car by 1 you will be (state punishment), 3,2,1  If they haven't done as told by one that was it.  Punishment granted and if needed pick him up, put him in the car and buckle him.  Don't worry about being embarassed by his behavior.  Anyone that is a parent has been in a similar situation at some time and understands.  I still use this method and my girls are now 8 1/2 and 6.  The counting backwards works better because after one there is nowhere else to go, that the end.  Good Luck and try to stay calm.

Answer 18

if he feels you dont spend enough time with him ..he is RIGHT thats how HE FEELS . Acknowledge his need for more attention and give it to him till your arms ache. Parenting isnt just being there ..its catering to emotional needs..and right now for some reason this child needs some more of the nurturing

Answer 19

hmmm.... i had the same problem when i was young. my parents  just spanked me sometimes and well i learned my lesson.