How can i get my hubby excited about adoption?

Question

for years we discussed having a family and my ideal was one bio child and one adopted child. after having our first (a daughter) i wanted to adopt a girl from ethiopia. at first he was...eh about the matter...now hes on board and says he likes the idea...but hes not excited. how can i sort of open up the world of adoption to him and show him how exciting it can be?

Answer 1

I don't think you can "get" anyone excited about anything.  If you have talked about it with him and he is in agreement, honestly in agreement, then just go from there.  I'm like him, I don't get "excited" about much, at least not openly and outwardly.  It's just the way I am and perhaps he's the same way.  It's a big step and if he is willing to make it with you then just go with it.

Answer 2

If both parents are not 100% behind the adoption - please don't do it.

No adoptee needs to be living in a family where they are not TOTALLY excepted for being who they are.

They can't be anything else.

They need love, understanding, truth.

Anything less is not good enough.

I had some family members that treated me as the 'adopted one' - not being totally real - it hurt - no adoptee should have to live with that hurt.

They've suffered enough hurts to be in the 'adoptee' bracket as it is.

(ie - they've lost their family that they were born to - not by their own choice)

Adoption should be about finding a home for a child - not about finding a child for your home. (the first is about the child - the second is about the adults)

Please think things through carefully - and do tons of research.

I wish you the best.

Answer 3

im afraid you cant. everyone has their own feelings about things, however im sure when you have the child home with you he will be delighted and joyed. some people naturally are excited about the idea of adopting while others could go either way. blessings.

P.S dont try and force him to open up to it, let him on his own or he may be very upset with you!

Answer 4

I was adopted

You should talk to him about it. Like, have him think about that little girl and think about how she will feel when she's 15 and how much it will mean to her. You and ur Hubby chose her. that will mean SO much to her. Have him think about that.

I know i feel special for being chosen. God's blessings on the adoption.

Answer 5

Maybe you could tell him how great it is for a child to always wonder where he or she comes from?  How wonderful it is to know that your first family might be out there somewhere, but you're not with them?  Perhaps you could convince him by telling him how adoptees are treated like second class citizens who aren't allowed to know where they come from?

I'm just throwing out some ideas.

Answer 6

Adoption isnt Exciting UGH.

You cant make someone want to adopt and you shouldnt want to. If he isn't excited as you term it then forget it !

Answer 7

You can't.  If I had a penny for every time I hear of a woman attempting to force the idea of adoption upon her poor husband, I'd be a very rich woman by now

Answer 8

Both parents need to be 110% behind adoption, in all fairness to the child/children to be adopted.  I don't think it's a matter of getting your husband excited about the idea.  Either he is for it, or he isn't.  It isn't fair for one person to be excited about it and the other to be a fence sitter, or the passive party.  It really does take both of you to be completely committed.

If it's a matter of education, there are many resources out there about international adoption and many resources that are Ethiopia specific.  Talk to agencies that do Ethiopia adoptions, talk to families that have adopted from Ethiopia, to get your questions answered.

Still, sometimes even with the education (or because of it) your husband may decide that adoption isn't right for him and/or your family.  Please, don't push or pressure him. You both have to be completely committed to this route, without pressure, in order for it to work.

Good luck.

Answer 9

I think most men have a hard time being excited about adoption in the abstract. I think once you adopt your child and bring her home you will see the excitement you wish to see now.  Men are different at showing emotions than we are.  Good luck with your adoption

ETA I think there is a difference between being 100% on board for the adoption and being excited.  My husband is on board for our adopting but is scared of rejections by BP, possible failed matches etc so he is cautious with showing his feelings and being overtly excited but he is 110% on board.  My husband wants with all his heart to form our family through adoption.  I think the OP husband may be in a similar position.

Answer 10

My stepdad was not excited or anything when they adopted my sister.  My parents, meaning my stepdad and mom, had me, and then three other daughters when they adopted.  My stepdad did because my mom really wanted it, she did not push into though.  He went through the whole process with her.  They adopted a little girl from Russia, about 6 years ago, she is 7 now.  And as I said my stepdad was not that excited or anything when we all met her, I think he fell in love with her first.  We are all happy, and she is part of the family, feels no different, or treated any different then the rest of us.  She is such a joy to our family, and it would definitely not be the same with out her.  He will get excited just let him do it on his own time.

Answer 11

What exactly do you mean by "excited"?  Does he seem to be cool to the idea of adoption. OR is he not obsessing over what theme to create for your future child's room?

Why my husband was not excited about room themes he talked often about being a dad and all the things he would do when we had children. In the few weeks before DDs birth he would come home late after work with a toys r us bag in tow.

As if a newborn was going to play t-ball....LOL

However she grew into it years later!!!