How can i get my hubby to talk with me?

Question

I know women always want to "talk" to you guys, but my hubby is the type that ignores the problem as long as he can until he confronts it-if he even does that; I am a type that likes to get it over with and get to all the nooks n crannies... so i try contain my worries until he is ready just out of respect for him saying over and over later, later but then he's half asleep and i just want to get my frustrations out which just gets him pissed b/c he was bout to pass out and soon enough voices get raised, pushes and shoves go on, and some really hurtful things get said... last night we had a blow out and he said his love was fake for me which now i'm starting to believe b/c i started crying and he just went back to bed and came for me until some time later... also i just caught him cheating on me he never touched the girl or so he says, it was only texting and chatting but i rather him physically cheat for the night then emotionally for weeks at a time and this isn't the first chick... he says it was just to get me mad or jealous i suppose but he didn't admit to it till i called the girl ... i cheated on him when we were dating and i guess he still holds it against me but we are married now we are having a son next month and I moved to another country for him... how can i get him to talk to me to really get things cleared or will this forever be in us... i love him dearly been with him since i was 16 but i don't want to live my life trying to get his man to kiss me to show any love.. .

Answer 1

Sweety!!! I had the exact same problem. In one sentence, DON'T TALK TO THE POOR GUY ONCE YOU LIE DOWN ON THE BED AND TURN OFF THE LIGHTS.... JUST LET HIM SLEEP. I didn't know how irritating it can get untill i started a job and when i had my friends stay over they didn't let me sleep at night. they'd wake me up every 10 minutes with a "you know what... blah blah blah...".

You know what happens when you are sleeping with a curious kid. you are dead tired coz of work. you close your eyes. and the curious kid who doesn't work half as much or has bundles of energy, starts asking you all kinds of questions. Answer it Honestly. Do you like it??

It's sad that he had an emotional affair. so did my guy. but you know why? coz that other gal is not bugging the living c**p out of him. atleast not right now coz she is not living with him. so your guy thinks "wow, this gal is great. she really cares about me. she lets me sleep at night. she doesn't ask me questions at night. she really puts my needs First..." that's what he should be thinking about YOU. If it was a physical affair, that would have been different. and yes, emotional affairs can turn into physical affairs so he shouldn't be having emotional affairs either. It seems like what your marriage is lacking is not s*x but Emotional bonding and that's why your hubby keeps having emotional affairs. Try to understand his emotions and fullfill his emotional needs so that he doesn't need to look for Emotional support else where. (don't feel bad about yourself. a lot of gals cannot understand guy's psychology when they first get married specially if the gal has always been around too many females and very few guys.. first few yrs are difficult, then you get used to these dirty smelly creatures called men hehehehe... no offense guys!! ;) ) Here are some tips.

1) Talk about important issues before bed time.

2) Talk to him abt things only when he is also interested in talking.

3) Tell him that you feel better when you talk things out, instead of keeping it all bottled up.

4) Talking should be polite and non-voilent or he'll start dreading Those little Talks ;)

5) try to mix humor into your "Talks" that way he'll be more relaxed and you'll be able to put your point across without offending him. the moment you feel he's getting uncomfortable or offended, Change the topic immediately.

6) If you have strong urges of talking at night (Like i do too) hehehe, call a gal friend or your sister or mom. gals like talking more than guys so respect your differences.

Work on your relationship every day. try to understand your guy. his needs, his habits, his way of thinking. and then cherish those differences. in time, he'll also start to understand and respect your characteristics.

p.s. I still wake my hubby up some nights and start asking him questions and try talking him into discussing our problems. and he gets so pissed off that he literally tells me he hates me and he was better off without me. that just makes me smile now. coz i know he doesn't mean it. the good thing is, i do it only once in 6 months or so now. (only when i really can't wait to get an answer to something) what guys don't understand is that their wives don't wanna sleep over a grudge... good luck!

Answer 2

Try counseling. If he doesn't agree then you should go alone. If nothing else it will help you figure out what you want from life.

I completely understand how you feel. I, too, have been in the same situation. It's so emotionally draining. I have just started getting my finances in order (by getting out of bad debt) to prepare myself for a probable divorce. I love my husband very much (or I wouldn't still be here) but I hate his actions. And most people learn in elementary school that for every action there's a reaction. He's going to see it soon!

Good Luck!  

Answer 3

oh my god, this is so weried, but the same thing happen to me, but I was the other girl, this guy I was see, was married but already had a six month year old baby, and the messed up thing about it was that we started going out about 2 weeks after his birth, but while his wife of 5 years was pregant he was on online trying to meet girls. this guys was a liar, i mean is a liar. I actually meet her and she was nice to me and told me that he had cheated on her before, the thing is that cheating is wrong, no matter if it's emotionally or physically. you can not change a person

Answer 4

you definately have some worries, being pregnant you will be very hormonal, I am not saying that is the problem but you will be stressed and it will affect the baby, try not to get stressed and chill a little, you have to talk to each other without getting annoyed, my husband and I write to each other its the only way we can talk about really upseting things I hope this helps if not think about the baby at the moment

Answer 5

It sounds like you two were not meant to be since you cheated on him and now he flirts with others.

For this to work you need intense counceling and all outside relationships with the opposite s*x, unless work related need to stop.