How can i get tougher on myself?

Question

I was brought up without a dad and i do think that my moms been "over protective" with me and you know, shes brought me up but i think im too soft with everything i do, like im too nice, its like i dont know how to be a man, you know im 19 years old and i feel kinda stupid posting this to get answers from people i dont even know, but the truth is i dont know how to be a man, im more of a wuss.

But its because i havent been around "men" a lot, not it a g*y way, i've just been brought up by females my mom, sis and my sisters friends. I have no role model when it comes to being a man. Let me just say im not in ANY way g*y. So dont make jokes. My question is how can i become tougher on myself what can i do, i need to toughen up. Thats the word i was looking for, Feminine, im too feminine.

I need to be more ruthless or cold or something but i dont know how. A lot of people walk over me because im too nice, theres nice and theres too nice and im sick of it.

So how can i toughen up, be a man, i mean does a real man let people walk over him? no, but i dont know what they do because i havent had a dad. So what would they do? how can i be more of a man?

Answer 1

Well I have two brothers and and a father I'm very lucky. They really don't share there feelings. When people are talking about stuff they don't show there emotions unless they are angry. Liking sports like football baseball racing things like that they like. I'm not sure if you are a christian but there is a book called Become a Better You and this helps.  Also just reading the Bible there are a lot of strong men in the bible here is one like http://biblestudies.stores.yahoo.net/men...

Good luck to you

Answer 2

I was raised in a similar environment and I often think that I am too soft letting things go. Like the first comment suggests, try joining a sports club of some sort. Its important to find something you enjoy, not just something that is perceived as "masculine." I played rugby through high school which helped but then I happened into a martial art called Hapkido, and it did wonders. It provided a very positive environment with both males and females sharing at least one similar interested as me. But regardless of the specific sport you choose (it could even be table tennis), just be confident. Thats the key I've found, remain confident in yourself and when you feel you are being "too nice" just remember that your opinion counts as much as anyone else's and speak freely.

Its not easy at first but try it and I guarantee that you will find it easier and easier.

Answer 3

Hey son....I am 46 and it took me the last 23 years to realise my full potential. It has been a life lesson in disappointments and major achievements that has shaped me to be the person I am today. I was very lucky to have great men around me throughout my life and the one great piece of advice I got when I was 30, that I have tattooed in my brain is that "you can never change the past but you do have full control of what is in front of your nose right now". I changed my life over a 2 year period to focus on what I really wanted from life, set some goals and I have never looked back.

I have a great wife 2 successful kids that I am so very proud of and it was the birth of my first that kicked me into gear. She is now 22.

A couple of pieces of advice I will give you that has been so important to my success. Take everyone as you first find them, Trust no one except yourself as when the going gets really tough it is only you that you can depend on to get you out. Only you can change your future (yes with the help of others) but it is your decisions that will determine what direction you will take in life and only you.

In business the most successful business people surround themselves with people that know more about how to achieve the goals of the business than the owner. The owner will just manage those people.

Confidence is superficial but self belief is for a life time. Be proud of yourself and what you have to offer and keep upskilling in life and vocational skills. Learn from your mistakes and never never never make them again. Mistakes are part and parcel of who we are and they help build our persona's.

Not having a father figure has it's down falls but most importantly focus on all the positives from your experiences growing up with your mum even if there is only one of those. I love the cliche' that "every dog has it's day". Work towards yours in life and when the day comes you will know it.

You are about to move into your 20's so this part is all about finding a career and moulding your personal life. Your 30's is where most start to focus on their established careers and look at investing into their first home which also may come in your 20's but that is dependant on you. Your 40's is about consolidating all the skills you have acquired and focusing that energy into your career, investments and family and your 50's is about utilising all the skills you have learnt from past decades to enhance yours and your famillies lives. Dont get to your 60's and70's regretting anything. Your 40's and 50's are the most important decades of your life so dont waste them.

Enjoy every minute of your waking life as mentioned before only you can change what is in front of your nose. Live for today and the future will provide abundance.

As I mentioned before, mate...trust yourself and believe in your self. You are and always will be the master of your domain.

Good Luck and I hope my ramblings will help you.

Answer 4

First of all, find yourself a role model you can look up to. A friend, or maybe a coach. Hang out with guys, they'll teach you all you need to know. But don't stop being nice, and don't become a jerk. Lots of girls can't stand jerk off jocks, and go for the nice, smart guys. I don't know why you don't like people "walking over to you". That just means they think you are approachable, which is a really good thing. If you looked like a drug dealing tattooed biker, then not as many people would think you're friendly. Being a guy doesn't mean you aren't approachable.

Answer 5

dude i know how u feel my mom rasied me to.  i always felt weak and **** but i mean i would get upset about little **** what i did was join a sport for me it was football i figured it was the best sport to get stronger now im 16 and can lift 210 on a bench press