How can i help my 9 year old daughter?

Question

my daughter is very depressed. 7 months ago my sister (her aunt) killed herself, when it happened she was very upset, but she seemed to come through it ok. then 1 month ago her grandmother (my mother in law) died from cancer. she was there and watched her take her last breath. now just a week ago we found out my step dad (who she is very close to has cancer, and his prognosis is not good. we havent told her that yet, because frankly i just dont know how. since her grandma died she has done nothing but lay around the house and cry and say things like," why did she ( my sister) have to do that, i am just a little girl, she knew i wouldnt be able to handle this" i talk to her about it, but then i just start crying and i think it makes it worse for her to see me cry. i just dont know how to help her. i asked her if she wanted to talk to someone ( a professional) she said she does not want to. can someone please help me, it is so hard to see my baby girl so sad.

Answer 1

yeah...get some help. it's ok. talk to your pastor or a counselor who specializes in helping kids.  

Answer 2

I don't think its her choice, if she wants to see a professional. I mean it would help if she wanted to. But its for the best.  

Answer 3

Your 9 year old daughter is overloaded with grief and major life questions. It sounds like it's too much for her to process alone. You are right to respect her and not over-talk things or make her go to a talking therapist.

I would try art therapy. It really helps people get to the underlying feelings and questions. For someone who is too overwhelmed to talk it is a great place to go. Talking with the art therapist usually starts over time but it really isn't necessary, the art therapist can help without words.

Individual or group sessions are both good. For your child's delicate state of mind I recommend starting with individual.

There are many ways to find a therapist but I usually start with the good old yellow pages. Check to make sure the art therapist is accredited and licensed to practice in your state- just ask them, or look on the walls they have to display that stuff.

Answer 4

You all need to seek counseling. Death is something that affects the whole family and a grief counselor can help you. You may want to contact the hospice provider that helped during the death of her Grandmother, they can help you find a counselor. I am so sorry for the losses in your family and I hope you can seek some solace soon.

*Let your daughter know that it is okay to be sad and that it isn't her fault* Even if she doesn't want to see a counselor, you may need to take her to one. You make that decision not her, she is too young and doesn't know it will help her.

~L~

Answer 5

i think that you all should go see a counselor of some sort. you could go to a religious leader for some advise on what to do next and they might have some support groups in your area.  if you're not able to go to counseling, i would def. take your daughter, see is very sad and she may not be able to make a decision of wanting to talk to someone because the grief is overwhelming her.  google child physcologist in your area or talk to her pediatricain.

Answer 6

It is time to go see a proffesional grief councelor. She is nine years old, sometimes she doesn't get to make important decisions like this. She is probably scared to go see a therapist. Anyway it is time to see a therapist. Go through it with her, let her know that lots of kids see professional after somebody close has died. That the therapsit will help her to understand what happenned.

You might be able to get a referal from her pediatrician.

Answer 7

I would suggest a grief counselor that specializes in children.  We went through the same with my eldest son when we had several deaths in a short time a couple years ago.  Good luck and good thoughts to your daughter.

Answer 8

You have to take charge and get her into counseling she may not want to at first but in the long run it will help...

Answer 9

I don't have an answer for your whole question besides talking to a professional of course. But I did want to comment about this "why did she ( my sister) have to do that, i am just a little girl, she knew i wouldnt be able to handle this". To me, it sounds like she might be overhearing adult conversations on the matter that she shouldn't. That statement would not be typical of a 9 year old. I just thought that you might want to keep that in mind. But definitely talk to someone whether she wants to or not. Maybe even convincing her that the therapist is just a friend of yours. I know my 8 year old wouldn't even understand what a therapist was. But if she still refuses, you should still consult a child psychologist for tips on how you should deal with the situation.

Answer 10

Sorry for your loss.

You don't sound 100% happy either - which of course given the circmstances is quite understandable, maybe a little professional help would be good for you too as well as showing your daughter that there is nothing wrong with getting some help and advice from experts.

Aside from that try and get your kid to have some new interests or hobbbies, find a sport for her to do or acting or drawing classes- anything so that she is not sitting around moping.

Answer 11

Ah Hun,first off I want to say I'm sorry for your loses. Lose can be very hard on anyone especially a little girl. I'm going to try and help you out. The first thing that I did when my Niece experienced loss is sit her down and tell her your there for her. It doesn't matter if you have already done that before you still need to do it again. Just sit her down and say (Insert Name) if you ever need or want to talk you know you can always come to me about anything Ok & (Insert Name) you know I love you right and then give her a hug. That may sound cheesy but it helped my Niece get through loss. Next thing you need to do is even though your daughter doesn't want help you need to get a grief counselor. Most of the time whatever the Grief Counselor says would help her you guys should go along with. I've also learned that with children & loss you shouldn't bring up the loss unless she does. That will give her the freedom of choosing if she wants to bring it up or not. Does she have any close friends you know about? Maybe you could ask her if she wants to go over to the friends house our the over way around. Friends helped my Niece out in different ways then I could. Another tip is try and connect with her emotionally more then you would if she wasn't experiencing loss. This will help her understand that she can come to you with anything and your there for her. Also remember its Ok to cry,many people say things about crying. Your going to need to tell her that its ok to cry. It will be along road but a know you and your daughter can get through it.

Answer 12

I do not know where you live but in our area there is a group for children that have loved ones.  They meet once a week or more and help the children to be able to know how to grieve.  It sounds like your daughter needs help.  If there are no groups around maybe she could talk to her counselor at school.  Just give her love and get her some help.