How can i help my child be calm and pleasant?

Question

My 10 year old girl is always angry and full of hatred and cribs a lot. Even as a 1 year old child she hated and complained about the nanny, the playhome, the school, the people around her...and now her own parents. My husband have taken personal responsibility for a probable wrong upbringing and try a lot to control our temper and be nice and polite to her, but all our efforts are in vain. We have another child and cannot afford to come back tired from a long full-day's work and give her 100% attention. This is getting very stressful.how can i handle her. She is plump & spends most of her time in front of the T.V. or the computer and hates studying or exercising too (we have changed several nannies, schools hoping things will improve) and this time I have let her handle her own problems at school and refused to change her school or the nanny or whatever that she hates... i wish & pray that she turns to be a pleasant lovely girl. Is there anything is this world that can help?

Answer 1

be calm and pleasant around her, spend time with her she needs you, shes only 10 so stop working so much and spend more time with her because its only going to get worse, shes crying out for your attention so how about giving her some time and love

Answer 2

I can hear your frustration. Speaking calmly and politely to your daughter are keys as is setting firm behavioural boundaries. Be clear about your expectations and give consequences for not following the rules. Catch her doing things well and reward her for good too. Spend time with her one on one doing what she enjoys. Talk walks together in the park as a family to combat the weight gain. Get her to talk to you or write down what is making her angry and upset. I wish you well. All the best.

Answer 3

Sounds like she needs consistency, not an ever changing scene of schools and nannies.  Perhaps she feels she is not receiving the love and attention that she deserves with two busy working parents.  Could one of you stay home for a year or two and spend some serious quality time with her?  Spend time outdoors with her and help her get out from sitting in front of the tv all the day.  Also adolescence is a difficult time for even for a well-behaved girl, perhaps she's going through a "phase", if not, perhaps family counseling might be in order.

PS - She must have been pretty precocious as a one year old to "hate and complain about the nanny, play home, the school (?), the people around her...."

Answer 4

To be blunt, it sounds like your daughter has been raised by nannies instead of parents, even through her formative years (up to age 5).  I'm guessing she misses a consistent parent-child relationship.  If it's at all possible, let go of the nanny and become a full-time stay-at-home mom.  Spend more time with your daughter this way.  And talk to her before you leave your job, saying that you love her and you want to quit your job to spend more time with her.  Then exercise together, watch TV together, and talk together (about anything).  Do the same with your other child, individually or all three of you together.  On occasion, take your children out of school early and spend extra quality time with them.

In addition to love, they need discipline.  If your daughter is throwing a fit, don't be nice and polite to her, because then she knows she can walk all over you.  You need to be the authority figure.  With a 10-year-old, don't get mad and yell back or anything.  Warn her that she can't act that way, and that she will lose certain privileges if she does (e.g., no TV for a week).  And then follow through if she continues to misbehave.

I think love, quality time, and discipline are the best things you can do for your children right now.

Answer 5

Okay, you'll need to turn the program around really quick here.  It is nice to see that you take the blame.  No more getting anything she wants, limit time at the TV, sit down to dinner together.  You and your husband will need to sit down and make some rules.  She needs chores to do too like taking the trash to the garbage can, if not too heavy, clearing the dinner table and helping you fold laundry.  Don't stress around her.  Make it clear that she is now being expected to be a part of the family and learn to have a nice attitude.  If she refuses she goes to her room or some sort of time out area where she does not have access to any sort of fun stuff.  This is going to take work but I believe once the rules are set and you stick to them she may turn around within 4 months or so.  Otherwise you are going to need pro help.

Answer 6

Get her into a group sports activity.  This is good for several reasons, it builds self-esteem, makes friends, and gets her active.  Martial arts would do as well.  Give her a selection to choose from, but be firm that she is to participate.  Make it a family event to go to her games or exhibitions.  If she can channel her anger and energy into something like this, it would be great!  Also, have the whole family eat the evening meal together every night if possible and spend at minimum an hour together every night.  Kids need routine and time with their parents.  Have Sundays as family day and plan a different outing each week.  Reward her for good grades, and make sure you ask about her day every day and really LISTEN to her.  You should know the names of all her friends, and if it changes from week to week, you should know that and why.  (at this age, that's normal)  One thing that would also help is if the family took on a charity project.  It never fails to take the focus off one's self if you are helping someone less fortunate.  Maybe if you can find a cause she cares about, she will get involved.

Answer 7

As a working parent myself, I know how busy life gets when you have kids, a job, a home, etc.   But your little girl needs you to MAKE time especially for her.  She is at a difficult age, and some one-on-one time with you and her Dad would make a world of difference to her.  

I think if you were to set aside a weekend afternoon to do something just with her, she would be so thrilled and excited that it would just make the rest of her week!   Yes, it's very hard to do this when we are busy;  but she will only be young once, and your relationship with her is more important than many of the other things in your life.    

Take her out to her very favorite restaurant on a Saturday afternoon, and perhaps to a movie.  Have her Dad take her sibling to do something special, then switch off the next week so you are both spending time with her.  Also, make the time each night to do a "bedtime routine" with her.   Brush her hair, chat with her a bit, and tuck her in.  She may seem like a "big girl" to you for a bedtime routine, but this special little moment with you every day will help her get a good night's sleep and be more cheerful the next day.

Answer 8

d**n spoiled kids...I never had a nanny...you know what I had, the television, and friends, if that wasn't enough and I did something bad, I got hit....hard....and I didn't do that again. I think she is probably really upset with life because of her self image. I don't know what you can do, if you take away the food, she will probably get more depressed, if you make her exercise she will just be pissed off more. I don't know, you should have started hitting her like my mom did from an early age. Even before my mom could hit me she would pull me around by hair if I got out of line. This taught me early I was in noway in control of anything. When you try to cater to the kids these days they take advantage, they aren't stupid. I think the best thing would be for her to lose the weight, she would probably feel alot better, and things should look up in time, she just needs to find something she really likes doing, which can be really hard, but I promise, if you find something she can be passionate about, her entire attitude will change. It is hope that keeps all of us from being horrible people.

Answer 9

Lock the kitchen cabinets and unplug the tv and computer. Take her outside with you, not the nanny. Find an activity that you both enjoy that you can do together. Find her an activity that she enjoys that she can do on her own that makes her happy. Even with another child in the household, she still needs one on one time with you.