How can i help my grandma to cope with my grandpa's death?

Question

It seems like my grandpa in on a verge of death, he has a stroke. my grandma who is still alive but recovered long ago from stroke has to cope with his death. i want to help my grandma to undergo this difficult time, if you know how, please tell me. because i understand that this is going to be extremely hard for her

Answer 1

Talk to her keep her busy!

Ask her questions about her childhood - she will be thinking about something else not not the loss!

Answer 2

the best thing you can do is be with her until that day comes.that is what my grandmom wanted me to do for her while she died in the hospital.All you can do is love and be there for your grandmom and thats enough.

Answer 3

yeah be there,

show her huge support and love

it will come naturally i suppose

let her know that everyone is there for her & loves her

& will support her for everything

xxxxx

Answer 4

There isn't anything out of the ordinary really.  Just to be there for her if she wants to talk, if she needs a hug, etc.

When my grandfather passed away, it was indeed very hard on my grandmother.  Even now, almost three years later, occassionally on a visit to her home, she will break down in tears and start telling the story of his death again.

Because I'm not much of a touchy-feely, love to hug type of person, I spent a lot of time helping her in her home.  I helped prepare meals and helped her clean her home.  I helped her build a "memorial wall" in her house covered with my grandfather's pictures and accomplishments.  So, you can do somethings like that as well.

I'm sorry to hear about your grandfather.

Answer 5

Some resources and suggestions follow: Go to http://www.mind.org.uk/ and type "grief" in the taskbar, and enter.                         Call: The Grief Recovery Institute (U.S.A.) 1-800-445-4808, or Hospice (phone book). Email [e-mail]  Chatrooms and forums: http://www.chatmag.com/topics/health/gri... and http://talkingminds.15.forumer.com/ and http://messageboards.ivillage.com/  Other websites: http://www.griefnet.org/ and www.helpguide.org/ (coping, supporting others, loss of relationship, or pet) and www.mental-health-abc.com/ and http://www.boblivingstone.com/?q=node30 and www.crusebereavementcare.org.uk/ Understand that there are often several stages of grief.

The stages are:

Denial: The initial stage: "It can't be happening."

Anger: "Why ME? It's not fair?!" (either referring to God, oneself, or anybody perceived, rightly or wrongly, as "responsible")

Bargaining: "Just let me live to see my son graduate."

Depression: "I'm so sad, why bother with anything?"

Acceptance: "It's going to be OK."

Kübler-Ross originally applied these stages to any form of catastrophic personal loss (job, income, freedom). This also includes the death of a loved one and divorce. Kübler-Ross also claimed these steps do not necessarily come in order, nor are they all experienced by all patients, though she stated a person will always experience at least two.

See http://www.amazon.com/  for books on the various stages. After a while, consider making a photoalbum/scrapbook and/or a shrine, in remembrance, and set aside one day per month on which to reflect. Many religious organisations offer counselling, or you may feel more comfortable with a therapist, to express your thoughts, and feelings. Journalling may help in this. If there is depression: visit your doctor, and see depression treatments, at http://www.ezy-build.net.nz/~shaneris in section 2.

Suggested Resources on Grief and Mourning:  Beyond Grief: A guide for recovering from the death of a loved one; and: Men and grief: A guide for men surviving the death of a loved one, New Harbinger Productions Inc. 5674 Shattock Ave, Oakland, CA 94609 Phone: [phone]

James, J. W. & Friedman, R. (1998). The Grief Recovery Handbook, Collins.                                                                                                                                                                    Grollman, E. (1995). Living when a Loved One has Died, Beacon Press.

Livingstone, B. (Planned August, 2007). The Body-Mind-Soul Solution: Healing Emotional Pain through Exercise, Pegasus Books.

Simon, S, & Drantell, J. J. (1998). A Music I No Longer Heard: The Early Death of a Parent.        

            Livingstone, B. (2002). Redemption of the Shattered: A Teenager's Healing Journey through Sandtray Therapy, boblivingstone.com/  

Tatelbaum, J.  The Courage to Grieve. Creative Living, Recovery and Growth through Grief. New York: Harper & Row. (1980).

Roth, Deborah, ed. Stepping Stones to Grief Recovery. Santa Monica: IBS Press.(1987).  

Coping with Grief by Mal McKissock and Dianne McKissock, ABC Books & Audio. 2001

35 Ways to Help a Grieving Child, The Dougy Centre for Grieving Children, 1999, ISBN 189053403X  

Answer 6

If your grandmother feels like talking, ask her about their life together.  How they met, did they date long, what she liked the most about him, those kinds of things.  Ask to see some photos of the two of them together.  In reminiscing about their life, it helps her to see how much they have meant to each other and that they have come along way together and shared so many things.  If shows that maybe its time to let him go and that he won't be very far away from her, he will always be there with her.  By sharing her thoughts it kind of reinforces the notion of him with her all of the time.  I think the best medicine for pain in your heart in times of sadness is to let the person talk and talk.  Just be there, supportive and listen to her.  It really helps her.  You are a wonderful grandchild to be so concerned.  You must give her great comfort just being there.  Good for you.  You have been raised well.

Answer 7

What KKingS said is very good. Just be there. There's not a lot you can say to take the pain away. That will take time. You can help her though by preparing meals, helping with funeral arrangements, cleaning house etc. Make sure you tell them both how much you love them. Your grandpa too, even though he's had a stroke, can still hear you.  

Answer 8

just be with her. act as a crying shoulder.