How can i know if giving my baby up for adoption is best?

Question

i am 22 years old, i just graduated from college with a bachelors degree. i live in a studio apartment by myself and my parents live in another city an hour away.

i am currently looking for a "real" job but am waitressing to pay rent. i am also 1 month pregnant by one of my guy friends. he does not know i am pregnant with his child, and if he did know he would hate me. we believe in very different religions from each other and have different cultures so raising a baby together would be challenging.

my family wants me to have the baby and promise to help me raise it. i am questioning whether it is fair to my child to be raised without a father during this transitional period in my life. i am worried that this baby will ruin my life and i in turn, will ruin it's life. i am considering giving the baby up for adoption.... what do you guys think?

Answer 1

Only you can make this decision, you have to really think what is right for you..but first I must applaud you for not just getting an abortion.  Now I will not judge you because how you got pregnant and whatever is not our business and although you are young and your situation is very irresponsible I have to applaud you again for even posting this question.  Being a mother is not easy; I'm 26 and its very hard and I can't even imagine doing it alone.  Your life will change, you will not be able to just get and go, late nights and parties will have to be structured and well planned out, you have to deal with cying and diapers bottles, etc...but I can honestly tell you despite all this just seeing that child smile or even knowing they are part of you and grew inside you makes all the sleepless nights so worth it...you say you have people who will help but still you will be the mother and the responsibility is ultimately yours...If you keep the baby you have to  know life changes and you have to accept that...adoption is another option because if you honestly feel you can not put up with the demands of being a mother than do not feel guilty you're still doing what you feel is best for your child (which is what mothers do)  A child needs a stable, loving, and very responsible person to take care of them....if you can't and feel someone can do better than by all means go for it...there are plenty of people who want children....this is a very hard choice but if you do it with the child's interest at heart than you should feel content with the decison you make...GOOD LUCK MOMMY

Answer 2

Well, you are a grown woman and fully capable of caring for a child. However, seeing as you dont want it you might as well bless a couple that would truly treasure the little bundle. It would probably be better for the baby to grow up loved and wanted rather than resented.  

Answer 3

You are the only one who can answer this.

But I will tell you that I work with a woman who adopted a baby last year after having several miscarriages.  That child is very happy and has a great life.  She is so very loved.  I have another co-worker who also has an adopted child, and he was adopted when he was a baby.  He is a super guy, well-adjusted and happy.

Adoption can be a wonderful gift to a couple who cannot otherwise have a child.  

Answer 4

This has got to be the hardest decision you will ever make! I can't tell you what to do, I want to tell you to keep the baby, but when I was 22 (now 32) I would have contemplated the same thing. I think once you deliver the baby and see him/her you will not want to give him/her up. You may even have a bonding feeling while you are pregnant and come to realize that you want to keep it. You are only a month along...stay calm and just give it some time to sink in!!! If your family is willing to help you then you are very blessed!! You are only 22, you have plenty of time to work, move back in with your parents for a while if you have to.

Good luck!!!!

Answer 5

you need to do what is best for you,period,when push comes to shove your parents may have promised that they'll help you,but often those promises go unfulfilled. also, unless you want to attest to the courts that you have no idea who the father is (best idea),some exchange student from Mexico or something you're going to have to tell your guy friend to sign the adoption papers. If you can't do this on your own,then that may be what you have to do,yes it's hard and complicated,but there are open adoptions and you can pick the adoptive parents. If this guy friend gives you static make it clear to him it's this or the other alternative. No one can make you do anything,and this is ultimately a decision you must make for yourself but remember this there is absolutely no sin in giving your child a better life that you cannot provide,there is nothing wrong with putting the needs of your child in front of yours,your families,or that friend,you can keep the baby or put him/her up for adoption there is no wrong answer here,just yours

Answer 6

My brother went through this and decide to let the baby be adopted. he gets pictures from time to time it is an open adoption. Do not let your family tell you they will help you, you can only depend on yourself, no offense against them or anything but that is just life. If you do decide to keep the baby then more power to you it will be very hard, but you do not want to have any annomosity towards this child for being alive that is how lives are ruined. My parents live an hour away and also told me they would help me, but it is not possible they both work and can not watch her for me when I need them to...

JUST DO WHAT IS BEST FOR YOU. YOU MAY FEEL DEFEATED IF YOU DO DECIDE ADOPTION BUT IT IS WHAT YOU NEED TO DO. YOU ARE PROVIDING A BETTER LIFE FOR THE CHILD IF YOU CAN NOT DO SO.  

GOOD LUCK IT IS A VERY HARD DECISION AND I FEEL FOR YOU. AGAIN MAKE THE DECISION THAT IS BEST FOR YOU.... GOOD LUCK!!!

Answer 7

Pray about it.

Think about how you would feel if you were that child. Your child will face rejection from you, your family and it's father.

No matter what, don't abort him or her. You'll regret it the rest of your life. However, there are situations where adoption turned out well. I have a friend who was adopted, she is very happy.

Answer 8

This is such a personal decision.  It sounds to me like you have a good support system with your family.  The only way to be positive that the father would not be happy is to tell him.  He has a right to know as well. Even if he is not happy and not in the childs life he has to be financially.  Also, a father figure is not just the man that provided the sperm.  It can be a granddad, just a good role model guy friend, etc.  I realize my answer leans towards keeping the baby but that is my personal choice.  You need to look inside and realize what you want most.  Good luck.

Answer 9

take the time to study all of your options...thats the BEST advise I can give to you .. Read about adoption , go to library, see how it may effect your baby.....find articles of adopted children, and parents dying to adopt a baby.  I honestly believe, if you take that time for your little one....you will have an Moment , where its clear to you what you need to do.  You may think baby might ruin your life now..but you may also find, he/she will make your lift worthwhile.  If you have family to help....you can work and have a child and be perfect.  But thats just up to you and your thoughts at this moment in your life..good luck, congrats whatever you decide.  

Answer 10

This is all up to you. First, why would this guy who is your friend hate you for being pregnant? You didn't do it on your own. And second, make the choice that is best for you. If you feel your child will have a better life with a family who truly wants it, and who can't bare their own children, than do it. You have to think about your child before yourself now. Do what you think is best for him/her. Good luck!

Answer 11

I think it's soooo awesome of you to think about the child instead of yourself.  I don't know your heart, but it does sound like you're not really ready to be a mom yet.  Statistically it is better for a baby to be raised by a nice two parent family.  Adoption is a totally selfless act where you would be helping out the baby and a couple who can't have a baby on their own.  You could always go to an adoption agency and get to know a few couples.  I'm sure you would find a really nice couple who would love your baby as their own and would take great care of it.  You do get to decide who "gets" your baby.  Do a lot of interviewing.  Good luck on whatever you decide.

Answer 12

I think that is a very selfless answer to the issue. I believe that adoption is awesome especially when the means to provide may not be as good for the biological parents. My Mom gave my brother up 9 years before I was ever born due to the same situatuion and we talk now and love him like he was always there.

He thanks my Mom for allowing him a loving family with the means to provide and time to give and a MOM and DAD in the home.

I think you honestly love this child since you are trying to do the best for him or her. Good Luck