How can i learn to control my temper and not get so angry with my mother?

Question

I'm 24 years old and moved out of my mothers when i was 22, into my own flat. We used to row constantly when i lived with her but since i left it has been much better. I am bad tempered sometimes as is my mum. You will not believe what we rowed about, it is simply ludicrous but it really was just the trigger that brought out the under lying problems.

My mother made the statement 0.1% is the same as 10% and i tried to explain that this was wrong. My mum would not let me speak and cut me off mid sentance and said well say what you want but your wrong. I tried to say no im not wrong and said that what she was saying was ridiculous but she still kept cutting me off, then she got a diary we keep by the phone and wrote 0.1 and 0.1% and 1/10 and was saying that these were all the same thing, i tried to write something out to demonstrate she was mistaken and she grabbed the pen off me and again said she knew she was right and that i was wrong whatever i said, i lost it,

Answer 1

Sounds easy but you need to accept your mothers faults,

And isnt knowing you are right enough, its your choice .

otherwise you are both as bad as each other.

Mindfulness Meditaton helps.

YOu dont have to play the game,she cant make you feel anything,

Answer 2

I must be lucky because i have a really good relationship with my mum. However, i would advise the following. When you next have a disagreement about something where you know you are right, i would just say 'ok then mum' she prob shall continue to rant but just keep saying 'ok mum'. Dont get wound up. By being wound up, it gives your mum a chance to have a go at you!

By the sounds of it the last row got out of hand - i mean throwing the diary against the wall - are you going through personal problems, that make you angry?

Just remember you have 1 mum - my grandad is like that so i understand : he always has to be right - but i just agree and ignore it - he then makes a fool out of himself with someone else when he goes around saying wrong things! X

Answer 3

You need to get a stress toy.

See a family counselor to help you sort out your differences so these things would not happen.

Say your apologies to each-other and say it won't happen again.

Answer 4

Look i have an 18 yr old who now lives in her own place and if i haven't seen her for a week or even a month which is highly unusual we still fall back into that mother and daughter role. it is so difficult to step back as a mother but thats what your mum has to do, let you go. its for you to go to your mum when you need her, but if you are in her terriotry then be prepared for things to be said. we are highly crictical of our daughters but we really don't mean to be so patronising, but we are. sorry on behalf of your mum. If you are close to your in general then things will cool down and you wait for her to contact you next time. Unless you really need her, its her way its not right or wrong its just the way she has learned to communicate with people. If you keep your cool and are able to TALK to her later then do so don't stew in it, or just let it go and get on with your life. its a very short life and you only have one mum, accept her as she is and change how you are with her then maybe she will respond to you as you would like. all the luck in the world and take care of one another.  

Answer 5

tell your man that i can swap 0.1 of a pound for her 1/10 of a pound any day ,but you and me only get one mam so have here committed straight away.

Answer 6

I think that some Assertiveness Training would be really useful for you.  By teaching you do be assertive, as much as she is annoying or infuriating you it would help to keep you a bit calmer.  It takes practice but once you learn the principles and techniques it is invaluable.  MIND do these types of courses under Confidence and Self-Esteem but there is usually a college in most areas running an Assertiveness course.

An excellent book called 'A Woman In Your Own Right (assertiveness and you), by Anne Dickson is covers all areas of Assertiveness giving practical examples with dialogues.  Not sure how much it is now but I paid £6.00 for my copy a few years back.

It's usually the people we are closest to who are the most difficult to deal with purely because the type of relationship we have with them is different to that of others; for some reason they seem to behave as if they have a hold over us.

Answer 7

In this type of situation since she won't see where she is going wrong, the best solution would be to have a mediator.

This means you would have to get her to agree you both have a problem in your relationship and to fix it, you'll need to seek professional help. Most people who don't see where they are wrong, don't want to go anywhere for outside help. It would be admitting they are wrong. It would also mean, that the cat may be out of the bag so to speak since someone else could potentially point out where she is the problem and that would mean you were right. If she is not interested, I would still recommend you get professional advice. Trust me, I've been there. It really does help-even if you only see someone for a few sessions. It can help you to learn how to not get so angry when she does this and learn how to keep the conversation civil. It will also help you to understand why she does the things she does and helps you to know how to handle these types of discussions with her. I know it's easier said than done, but try not to lose control by raising your voice. It actually keeps you calmer and you can always just walk away. You live on your own now. You can do that. I've learned that if you just walk away and take some time to think, you can deal with it much better later. Which it sounds you tried to do already.

It's good to know you care, we love our moms but man, they don't like to admit when they are wrong do they? It's a control thing. Keep yours by staying calm and walking away and talking later. Keep doing it until the conversation ends on a calm note.

Start with the counseling. It does NOT mean you are crazy....everyone needs help sorting their thoughts and the sooner the better. Time is precious with our friends and family and not worth wasting it on arguing-yes? Good luck!!

Answer 8

You are her kids?thats why she talks to you that way.

To be honest and im not being mean your argument although you were right in what you were saying it  sounds a bit petty and your both as bad as each other.

If you want space from someone then you have to walk away from them you have to find somewhere to go not expect  them to go away ,your the one that wants the space.She may of been  wondering why when you say sorry you want forgivness streight away and for her to accept it, then when shes calmed down says sorry to you,you want her to go away why didnt you just say .ok oppology accepted and then move on.why sit there doing that your winding your self up

She said sorry too or did you miss that bit shes not that bad maybe she dosent understand metric like you do.

If you know you are right why try prooving it by telling her she is wrong just leave it.and be glad that you are right.no one likes being told they are rong even if they are spechilly from their kid

sorry hun but its true.you cant teech an old dog new tricks but you can learn to keep your mouth shut` i do it all the time and just let people think what they want to even if i think its wrong saves storms

good luck im sure you will be fine id just let it blow over and think about something else.be strong .and saying you are sorry dosent meen you are weak and accepting an oppology with a smile  dose not meen your weak ither its what friends do.

ps read the top of your question the bit where you wrote ' my mother was wrong and when i tried to explain this to her

now read the bottom of your question

she is so petulant im right your wrong

ok so your not as rude as her but,she didnt throw a diary across the room

                        'like mother like daughter'

also you say i just kept reapeating' leave me alone ' over and over

and all she did was just stand there and stare at you .

You both sound stubborn to me  may be a bit of give and take is needed on both parts you dont need counciling just a bit of insite to how very simmiler you realy are to each other be happy you have a mum and this is all you have to worry about some people get assullted or worse by there parents you are a very lucky person go give her a cuddle you never know when it might be the last.oh and i just looked up the word patronize you accused your mum of being patronising whislt swearing at her and throwing a diary around,ever heard the phrase pot calling the kettle black

patronize=to speak to or behave towards someone as if they are unimportant..

good luck hun

Answer 9

Show her this question. I'm sure you love her but moving out of the house might make her upset. Its a bit silly fighting over maths.