How can i make my boyfriend respect me????

Question

the smallest thing sets him off and he will get in my face and yell at me. it p*sses me off, but i dont know how to stop him. i try to do what he wants but i mess something up or forget something and then he gets mad. he yelled at me for being late but i missed the bus and it was NOT on purpose but he didnt believe me. he was all like "so your other boyfriend kept you waiting?" and he wasnt joking

then other times hes really sweet and i feel bad for being mad at him.

i have tried talking about it with him and he will say "i never yell at you" or "thats not yelling" he always denies it

Answer 1

sounds like he's a pretty immature guy, if you,ve tried talking with him and he's said he hasn't done it then you got a problem. talk to him one more time and if he gets very aggresive than say it's over, if he loves you he'll come back but sounds like he might hit you so be very stern, the next time you decide to talk him (if you decide too of course) you should'nt be with someone that makes you unhappy, sounds like he does make you happy though so talk to him. and if he does or has hit you, leave him.

Answer 2

If he doesn't respect you dump him. he will never change

Answer 3

he needs to see the doctor and take his medication.  you may not want to deal with a guy who is treating you like a caged, unruly child.

Answer 4

I am sorry he treats you this way. You don't deserve it. But if you continue to tolerate this behavior from him it will likely get much worse. I wish I could tell you how to make him respect you but I can't because you cannot make a person respect youand he obviously does not. If this continues I would recommend you break it off with him and move on with your life. Maybe breaking up will be a wake up call for him. If not you are much better off without him in the long run. Good luck. I hope it works out the way you want.

Answer 5

I agree with Lee B.  I have experienced this & I put it down to bipolar or borderline personality.  Be careful cos if he is either of these you will need to be very careful.  Or otherwise you be caught up in this relationship for years & it will wear you down!  I know this from experience.  If you have been in relationship for a year or two please please leave now - set the right patterns in your relationship - if you stay & put up with this you are saying its okay to treat you like this.  But its not!  The really sweet side of him keeps you staying I know - I know from experience - it sucks you in deeper & makes it harder to walk away later when you might really need to.  Be careful.  Walk away now - this will tell him you will accept being treated like this.  Hopefully then he'll come to his senses & go to therapist for medication or cognitive counselling.  Dont believe his words - I did that.  Actions speak louder than words.  Good luck & take care of you.  Walking away will show him that you demand respect for you regardless of his emotions or feelings.  Be strong - it will be better now rather than later.  

Answer 6

kick his SORRY ****.

Answer 7

LEAVE HIM! if he treats you like that then he doesnt deserve you

Answer 8

He sounds like a total jerk. You didn't say one nice thing about him in that post. You need to dump him.  

Answer 9

he sounds abuseiv be careful i would get out of there be for he hits  you, have  some one around when  you  talk to  him  about stuff like that.

Answer 10

You cannot change people.  He is an asss and verbally and emotionally abusive.  Leave him.

Answer 11

This is an abusive person!  Just cause it hasn't been physical yet doesn't mean it won't.  

You need to get away from him.  He's never going to respect you!

Answer 12

you can't make him; he obviously has self esteem issues and is taking it out on you. Its time to rethink this relationship

Answer 13

He is blaming you for things.  Relationships with lots of blame do not work. You need to get out. He is slowly lowering your self-esteem by chipping it away. this guy sounds like a misogynist. google it. he will get more abusive. protect yourself.

my girlfriend edee has one of these and she even eventually let him have a three year affair without kicking him out. they can work on you gradually until there is nothing left of the original you.

you should NEVER let someone chastise you like the bus situation. this is UNACCEPTABLE. this guy needs major therapy. you are on a train that is not going anywhere you want to go. it will eventually become a train wreck. save yourself.

Answer 14

If he doesn't respect u then how u both are in a relationship.......

Answer 15

Your situation sounds identical to one I was in years ago.  

My boyfriend was unmotivated, negative and critical.  He also was not that bright and would get mad when he didn't understand common sense.  One time I was out of town staying with my mom while my dad was away.  She needed someone to bring her into town, to work.  Minutes before we left my boyfriend called me and said he had a flat tire and could I pick him up? I took my mom to work and then drove to his place (only a few minute drive) and when he found out I had dropped my mom off first instead of coming straight to him he flipped out.  He told me I was going to get him fired for being late!!!

As usual, I dove into my shell and didn't say anything, until he pushed it one step farther.  He said, "Why are you so grouchy today?" Mind you, I hadn't said a word.  That is when I unleashed on him.  He was a bully and a jerk.  And yes, like your boyfriend he had no clue of what he was doing, or at least not that he admitted.

Like me, it sounds like you have a soft personality and don't like conflict.  You would rather take the abuse and keep the peace.  Yes, my boyfriend also had his sweet moments, but usually they were when we were on the verge of breaking up, or we had broken up.

The answer to your question is you can't make him respect you.  The only thing people like this understand is brute force.  You would be surprised how sweet he becomes if you leave him.  That's what my boyfriend did.  Our best times were the first two weeks after a reconciliation, and after that it was downhill again.

Solution? Dump him to get his attention and if he promises to change, put it to the test.  If he can't keep it up, move on.  If he doesn't try to get you back he was never worth it.

Answer 16

Sorry sweetie but you can't change anyone but yourself. If he doesn't respect you now, doesn't care how he treats you, doesn't have the decency to give you love and respect, then he NEVER will. If it bothers you then you must break up and move on. Why continue to reward him with your love when he clearly doesn't deserve it.  

Answer 17

Sounds like there are a few things going on. He seems to have insecurity issues. If he's accusing you of doing something that you're not (such as the "boyfriend" thing), he may have trust issues, or, he may have something else going on. To be totally honest, it sounds like he may have someone else in the picture. It all adds up: the constant arguing; nothing you do is right (he's comparing you to her); the false accusations (to ease his guilt, and to justify his behavior). Keep your eyes and ears open.

Answer 18

This man has a serious problem and it is not you.  You happen to be in the middle of his problem and taking the brunt of his low self esteem.  His is disrespectful, uncaring, mean, a bully, arrogant and it will get worse.   It wont be long and the hitting and punching slapping threats, etc will Begin to surface.  It is time to see the light and put a stop to the relationship.  I would suggest calling in a trusted friend, brother, father, uncle or all of the above when you make the break, he sounds like he might get a bit aggressive when you break the news to him.  Watch for signs that tell you that you need a court order to keep him X amount of feet away from you.  Do not take this lightly, it is a serious situation.