How can i manage my rage at this situation ?

Question

Until i leave how am i supposed to handle peoples aloofness, unfriendlyness & general coldness ?

ive had a horrendous life so far, suffered so much, bullying and victimisation, had many rage and aggression problems that ive made great improvements with.

have a long psychiatric record, im now 30, i also have a minor criminal record.

i live in a 1 bedroom apartment on disability, im waiting to see if ill get group therapy.

i have an injured ankle, torn ankle ligaments which i was told will take time to heal..

a dermatological problem on my p***s , cracked skin.

ive missed out on ever being employed , never formed any relationships , never gained any qualifications - i missed out on all of that stuff.

i have alot of catching up to do and im at many disadvantages.

i have borderline personality disorder and ptsd, i get very paranoid, insecure , struggle with rage and aggression......can disocociate when i go out....like zoning out........suffer severe anxiety.

my psychiatrist told me that meds wont help but the best way to go is some sort of therapy, so i went for the assesment for group therapy.

my goals are that i plan to leave england for good, with a good paying computer job......i imagine it will be a big thing to reach for in my circumstances.......but im not letting go of that ambition

my top goal no matter what is to leave the uk, finnish up somewhere quiet and coastal.

meanwhile in the present, and for a while people, the public, act very aloof towards me......i noticed im watched by store workers......security guards......people exchange ' knowing ' glances whenever i enter the environment.

i get abrupt tones from people, unfriendly vibes....intrusive glances and stares......aloof ness........a rejecting society........almost as im being treated as some outcast.

this has been happening for a long time now but ive tried to ignore it, but its not going away.

btw i struggle to form any relationships with people in general because i have severe low self esteem......get intimate to soon....get clingy...act all insecure and desperate.....like eager.

so its not easy to connect with people in general.

im not sure if people remember me from my rage outburst of the past, or im not liked on a personal level........or theres a conspiracy against me.

but im working on my problems....im aware of my issues....ive made progress without any therapy.......i control my conduct pretty well now........what more can i do ?

what am i supposed to do ?

i have so much rage problems because i was severely bullied throughout my life over a long period of time.

i dont know what else i can do..

its going to take along time before i can leave england sadly, so im very much stuck here for now.

how can i deal with this behaviour and a society that seems to be alienating me ?

also how would you handle this situation ?

would you get aggressive with people ?

would it make you feel angry ?

theres times when people here are like this with me especially when i went to liverpool months ago on an errand.

and i didnt do it, but i felt like threatening these aloof patronising people.

threatening them with irriversable damage, permenantly.

but i didnt do it, i held my tongue, was civil and ignored them , then i left and got on the train.

but that behaviour made me feel very angry and ouraged, because in general i know im trying.

Answer 1

shoot me an email sometime bud.  can't help you with any brief response.  

good luck on your goals.  For now keep those goals in front of you.  Strive for them.  

but seriously.  i can help you a bit I think, but not at this moment.  

funny thought though.  you want to get out of the UK and I want to move there.  haha.  i'm in the US.  

Answer 2

Since when do meds not help for Borderline Personality? Tell your psychiatrist to to do his research (I've linked to the APA's treatment guidelines for BPD and they definitely include medications for symptom control). But to be perfectly honest, if your psychiatrist is that ignorant I'd get a second opinion with somebody good, ASAP - not just for treatment, but to check if the diagnosis is right/complete.

But yes, you do need therapy. And you do sound paranoid from what you're writing. So, no my advice is not to be angry or aggressive, but to try your best to remember that those interpretations of other people's behavior are part of your illness.  

Answer 3

I can understand with you on certain parts.

First, the feeling of what others think of you.  It takes a long time to overcome the deep self-consciousness.  It takes time, but you should turn all that rage of what others think of you to "I don't give give a sh*t what you think about me."  If you suspect people are giving you negative stares, glances, or whatever, look away, and (I do this) roll your eyes and sigh.  Although this may be perceived as anti-social.  Or, if you get a rude stare, stare back at them with an expression: "what the f*ck are you looking at, so what if I look like this, I can't help it!", and roll your eyes and sigh.  That might give the person an idea you've been through this before and getting tired of it.  The above are my recommendations, take them if you will. I know others will disagree with me.  But for me, the above worked overcoming self-consciousness.

Second, moving away from the U.K. won't help unless you overcome your issues.  I'm an American in the U.S., but I lived in the U.K. for two years.  I always thought the British were rather aloof, but I thought it was a blessing, because it meant they minded their own business. Anyway, small town, countryside, or big city, anywhere where's there's people will probably trigger your self-consciousness.  I'm not a psychiatrist, but from my experience, moving from place to place without overcoming your issues not help.

Finally, and I don't mean to patronize, but it helps a lot to find a confidant who will listen and help you.  Talking through -- venting -- with someone helps.  Find that someone.  Perhaps you'll find someone in group therapy.  I also find writing helps a lot.  Writing helps put everything in perspective.  Write down your issues and resolve them by writing.  I've resolved a lot of internal issues by writing.  

Answer 4

There are two basic roads to get back on track . You seem to be taking the RIGHT one . The best cognitive therapy for having allowed yourself to be bullied is to no longer allow yourself to be bullied or pushed into anything that is bad for you . ( The bad road is of course to become a bullier yourself .)

Take care of your health issues . I am just recovering from a bad ( and stupid ... I just tripped !) ankle injury myself .

It may be very important to understand WHY you allowed yourself to be bullied ... And sometimes we just can't help it ... There's that line from the song "Turn The Page " : 'You always seem outnumbered ... You dare not make a stand.'   But anger and rage does build up .Let it out in an acceptable fashion . Sports are good .

When did you first allow yourself to be bullied ? By Whom ? Why ?

In order to get people to be less cold , more friendly you have to "Fit in" (to a certain extent) .

The secret of life : Is not to ask What would Jesus Do ? ... But to ask : What would I do , or be doing , if I had been brought up by an (almost -lol ) perfect M/F couple ?

YOU can control your like . Every action is a doorway to good  , bad , or in-between . Make a close friend or two that can help you make social changes . Perhaps your personality is putting people off . Just like make-up the social personality can be changed . I used to be shy . Now I'm not . I forced myself to act like the person I wanted to be .

Answer 5

I used to have problems with self-asteem and other thing along the line that you have, people these days are ignorent and some are not, mostly it just takes getting used to, rolling with the punches.

If i were you id take a long vacation with a family member or a close friend just to get your mind off things, just be positive and something will go your way soon.