How can i not let peoples comments, opinions of me, attitudes and perceptions of me get me so mad ?

Question

if people are aloof with me, condescend me, patronise me , judge me, reject me , speak down to me , make me feel beneath them, i get so angry and bent out of shape..

if people talk to me like their better than iam, on that im inferior to them and everyone else - i feel enraged.

i suffer deep inferiority and severe low self esteem because of the life ive had.......i feel at the mercy of people judgments...perceptions , whether they reject or accept me or not..

its like these judgment or things or attitudes people display i value to high importance , that i feel it dictates the way i act and behave.

in the past i have acted out of character to be accepted only to be rejected , never again.

ive suffered a very tough life, severe bullying , always suffered low self esteem , never formed any relationships, never been employed etc.

missed out on everything.

i have borderline personality disorder and ptsd and live in a one bedroom flat on disability.

i was bullied alot and very badly throughout my life.

my goals are of a good paying computer job and to emigrate from the uk, near a coastline are the only things in life that are important to me that drive me forward.

theres times when my confidence is extremely low though, and i struggle to assert myself - put myself accross to people the way id like - express myself etc.

on those days ; i cant be confident , cant assert myself properley , feel easily undermined - cant win arguments - cant cuss properley or end up saying things that make me sound emotional or defensive - like its clear the person has got to me ,

cant think of good retorts.

end up sounding stupid and ineffective, not commanding of authority and confidence like i wanted.

on those days where i cant put what im about accross, cant assert properley , let people undermine me - when people cause me to doubt myself etc. - when i let mind games affect me.

on those days i become enraged and aggressive, like i cant handle people - and i feel the urge to do them some severe damage..

but obviously i dont do that, but its just the way i feel because i know of no ways to psychologically combat these idiots.

i feel they play psychological warfare with me - and im not paranoid this , i know they do it ok ?

how do i deal with this without cracking, getting emotional , withdrawing or feel like i want to do damage to the person or with becoming or feeling extremely aggressive to the point where i wanna take them down ?

im now 30 with BPD and ptsd

id appreciate strategies and help with this

Answer 1

I have a friend with problems very similar to yours. I care very much about her, but find that because she is so sensitive due to the severe problems that she has had in the past and her current mental health problems I treat her differently. I don't know if this makes the problem worse. That is the last thing I want.

Let me explain. I say something, she thinks it means something else other than what I have said. As I never had any intention whatsoever of saying anything hurtful, the next time I find myself thinking very carefully about every word I say. She then feels that there is some sort of problem between us and I am treating her unkindly. I then start trying to avoid her because nothing I say is ever taken as it is meant with love and kindness. I then begin to get paranoid that I am going to say the wrong thing and hurt her. She then feels that I and others are avoiding her and hurting her unduly.  I never have the problem with people without mental health issues.

Do you see where I am going with this. When you begin to understand how hard it is for others to have relationships with people who have mental health issues, maybe you can begin to understand that your feelings are due to your past history and current problems. Try if you can to always give people the benefit of the doubt. No friend ever means to do anything to hurt you. Remember, that if your doctors can't cure your problems your friends won't be able to either.

What you need to do is start training yourself to react differently. You can't change what other people say and do but you CAN have total control of your own reactions. Decide right now how you will react if the situation arises again. Learn new strategies to diffuse potential problems. If you can learn to be the person you would ideally like to be, you'll suddenly find that your world is easier to cope with.

So, don't try to change others. DO try to change yourself. I know that it's so..... hard especially when you're hurting. Believe in yourself. You have survived so far. You have it within you to change. You can do this.

Answer 2

You can have the last laugh by telling yourself you are better than them and they are only criticizing because they feel insecure not because there is anything wrong with you.

There's no shortage of bullies around and I see it all the time but I find sometimes not answering back when you're being provoked is the best strategy because it drives them up the wall. They are yearning for a reaction from you and by not giving it to them you are twisting a knife. You've heard the expression 'less is more', well this is a case of that .. Go forth and prosper!

Answer 3

I am a very tolerant person, but this is starting to get to me.

I want to help you, i do. But i have given you the best advice anyone could give previously, referred you to places you can gain qualifications for free.

I am starting to think you would rather wallow in self pity for the rest of your life rather than do what people are telling you to do.

All you do is ask the same questions every day, always assuming people are conspiring against you.

Before you ask another question tomorrow, think about the fact that your life is in YOUR hands.

No one will do it for you.

And yes, you've had a hard life, but so have a lot of people.

There are people starving to death every day of the week on the other side of this world, people who have nothing, who don't have the benefit of being in a country which offers them the option of living on disability for the rest of their life, people who have to work very hard to get even half the water and food their family needs - yet you sit here every day complaining about your life, as if it is the worst it could ever be.

I understand you have problems, and i do sympathise, but you shouldn't want peoples pity.

Instead of wallowing in what a hard life you've had, why not change it. This is up to you. You can sit on your backside the rest of your life, vegitating,or you can get out there and face the world as you should.

You have the ambition,but no drive. The courses are there, on your doorstep, but maybe you don't want to actually do anything pro active towards achieving a goal because that would mean you couldn't sit on your backside every day complaining to a load of complete strangers who could have had a worse life than you, might i add, about how bad your life is.

All you do is list your ailments, your disorders, your thoughts about rejection and the way people have treated you. But what about the way you treat people?

Take our advice, do something with your life, stop posting the same questions every day and then come back and tell us you did it.

You won't get anywhere asking us lot what to do if you aren't willing to take any of the good decent advise on offer.

And as for the group therapy, if you really wanted your quality of life to improve, and to feel better, you would accept any therapy or help that was on offer - not question it in case it doesn't work for you. You won't know until you give it a good shot. And you have nothing to lose.

You havent considered the fact that the psychotherapist probably prescribed group therapy BECAUSE you have people problems.

They want you to interact with other people, other people who have similar or the same problems to tackle as you. Group therapy offers people somewhere they feel they fit in, because you will be in group with people who have also had a hard life, and who suffer the same disorders.

So take the bloomin therapy, take whatevers offered to you, and stop complaining - because compared to some peoples lives, your's is rather kushty.  

Answer 4

Well, I'm sorry to hear about this, I really don't know what I would do...

Maybe you could try to find their faults before you talk to them...like look at someone from a far...I don't know...

Maybe you should talk to a therapist...

Answer 5

how ungrateful you are. You have a girl here, who is trying to help you...but it isn't good enough....you REJECTED her, and passed judgment on her, the way you fear that others are doing to you...I have seen many here, try to befriend you. YOU are the problem..and stop retaliating, against your friends that have been there for you, with your complaints...I have tried so hard to be your true friend...and look how you have treated me. ...You need to get over yourself, and stop this pity potty you are constantly on....you do nothing, in spite of two years that you have been here, asking the same questions. YOu reject, the very ones that care the most,...so it is your fault, and yours alone....

Answer 6

I have mental health problems: long term depression. here's a potted bio why.

My parents separated when I was 1, formally separated (this is back in the 1970's before the law was changed), when I was 3 and divorced when I was 5. I'm 38 now.

Father (deceased 20 years ago and not missed...harsh I know) was an alcoholic and a compulsive gambler. My mother walked out on him one Xmas Day because he stole the money for gambling she had put aside to buy food and presents for me and my sister.

My mother worked very hard to put a roof over our heads and food on the table. Something I don't forget.

My 'father' never contributed a penny towards the upkeep of my sister or I.

I grew up being bullied at school and they 'thought' I was mentally sub-normal, because I never used to mix with people. I never used to make friends easy and was untrusting of people. My few friends are people I've known for 20 years+.

Anti-depressants did nothing (was on them for 10 years).

I get comments on my weight. I'm not skinny, but feel I happy, unlike the people that make them.

You can't change the past, but you can help yourself into the future.I didn't have an easy start, but I'm sure there are others out there with worse stories.Nobody gets an easy start in life.

What you need to remember is that people get a perverted satisfaction by upsetting other people (like yourself), which is the 'psychological warfare' you mention. Don't feel the need to say anything back. They aren't worth the effort, so why waste time thinking of things to say?

By answering them, you're giving them satisfaction as they've irritated you enough to provoke a reaction. I usually get comments from groups of people, like teenage chavs.This is because they are so insecure they have to do things in groups, like a 'herd' mentality.

I broke my own rules though and did tackle them verbally once saying that they have no right to judge others. They might be asking me to give them a job one day.This was all met with a stony silence, as the 8 of them couldn't think of a logical reply to it and also shows they've been outwitted.

These people tend to come out with the 1st thing that enters their tiny minds and might give them more 'face' or 'respect' with their 'mates', because they can't think for themselves.

I had cognitive behavoural therapy (CBT), which seems to have worked. You also need to keep your mind occupied and be positive about life (even when you feel like s**t).There is an underlying cause that is making you feel like this.You need to find out what it is. With me it was my past.

The first stop should be your GP. I wouldn't recommend the anti-depressants, as they might work for a few months. You need to tackle the root cause of your depression and taking medication is no substitute.

You need to learn to relax: breathing exercises can help.

The CBT will identify coping solutions, so you don't get stressed out when these idiots hassle you again.You seem to reflect minutely on what you've mentioned. By getting a few hobbies you can re-direct those energies to something that is more beneficial to you. You need to break the cycle you find yourself in.

This is the hard part: only YOU can do this. Your GP and CBT therapist can guide and make suggestions to you, but they can't do it for you.

I missed out on a lot of things too, but that's not always a bad thing.

Answer 7

look, you can change your name as many times as you like but everyone knows that you are still the same person. if you wanted peoples help you would accept it sand stop asking the same question 4 times a day.

you have had so much advice from people that care, yet it is never good enough for you. you say you get get mad when people reject you but if you are a negative person then why would people want to get to know you???

you need to change your outlook on life. treat people how you would want to be treated and get over yourself

Answer 8

Answer this (about the people who judge you and put you down)

What makes THEM so special?? Absolutely nothing!!

  

Answer 9

Pity them!

works for me ;-))