How can i regain control over my 7yr boy.

Question

he is as tall as me and very strong for his age. ive tried taking away privileges, and grounding him. typical is tonights actions. he threw. 2 toys at me.(so i threw them in the bin). so he put his eyes close to me and screamed in my face. i find the only thing that works is if i slap his face.i hate doing it but it calms him down enough to cry and say sorry. a slap on the bot and he just laughs at me. i do carry out on privilage and grounding bans.

Answer 1

I have just experienced a very similar evening with my 7 year old daughter.  She was in the bath.  She was naughty before she got in.

I was speaking to her and I could see she wasn't listening, so I asked her to repeat to me what I'd just said.  She couldn't, so I said it again, and asked her to repeat this time, again she said she couldn't remember - 2 seconds after I said it.  I gave one more chance, and same again.  I could see she is switching off when I speak, deliberately.  Then she cries loudly and says she can't remember when asked a question about it.  Her whole bath-time was a nightmare.  She cried falsly and loudly all way through.  She knows everyone can hear outside, and I've told her people will think I'm doing something wrong and will call police.  But she still does it, I think she wants to see if they actually will.

She stares right into my eyes, her face facing mine and with a horrible defiant look i her eyes, close to mine, like your son.  It makes you wonder why you gave birth to them.  When I tell her off she is fidgeting with her trousers, face, whatever, and staring at me, but not hearing a word.

I smack her bottom and she shouts out loud, 'ow, you're hurting me, stop it' loud enough for the neighbours to hear.  

When I brush her hair she shouts and actually screams, shouting, 'please stop it, you are hurting me'.  I'm brushing her hair normally, the same as I do mine.

She's 7, and I'm amazed that she's still here.  With all her noise, I thought by now I'd be in jail, though I've never hurt her.

Then she says she's sorry and tells me she loves me, I'm her best friend, and she's sobbing like a husbands just died.  Doing that would wear me out.

Her voice is unusually loud, and it carries, unfortunately.  So the whole street knows all the times she's done this, and she does it alot.  

I ask her to talk quietly when we are around people, and she ignores me.  She likes to sing, but it's too loud, so I ask her to sing quietly, and she ignores.

I admit, she is at these times out of control.  It is because she knows I won't smack her in front of my mother (who is a social worker!), or in certain public places, where I know people are against it.  She uses this.

It makes my life very difficult, and very unhappy.  She is also extremely jealous of anything I have.  She is never pleased for me to have a nice thing, she either tries to take it or refuses to acknowledge it.  When I do something well, she always stops me.  She is incredibly attention seeking and will not allow me to have any recognition.

I don't know what to do with her.  

You have my sympathy, at least we are both in the same boat.  I'm sorry I can't give you any advice.

Answer 2

wow. well talk to him when hes not mad ask him y he does all of those things. try punishments for up to a week.

no desert

no sweets at all

take away his favorite toy

no tv

but make sure when u take something away from him that u don't give it back until punishment is over.!!

hope that it helps.

Answer 3

I had this a while back with my now 9 yr old, he's always been a pleasure to have and i've always enjoyed having him because he's always been so easy to bring up but he did hit a phase where he was testing the boundaries with me, especially as I have two teenagers so he saw what they could do and wanted to do it himself. It got to the point where I hated upsetting him because I knew a struggle would follow and he would really be hard work to try and get under control and as you have pointed out and mine is too, a big lad so it's not like dealing with a toddler, The breaking point came when he threw something at me and I'd had enough so I smacked him, hard on his leg and it shocked him ( he's not use to been smacked ) and I knew I had to get him in hand so I really put my foot down and no really did mean NO! and that seemed to be the end of that.

I think sometime we has parents think we follow through with punishments but we don't really, so perhaps telling him punishments that you know you yourself can stick to and when he's been good reward him, by praise and a cuddle and completely ignore his shouting, walk away from him. Good luck I know it's hard.

Answer 4

Sounds like your scared of him..Showing your not will help.

Answer 5

do longer punishments. like, no desert for a month, or, in his room for 3 days straight if he does certain things. it will give hime more time to regret and think about what he has done for that 3 day period, or every time he gets no treats.

Answer 6

if he behaves like a little boy treat him like a little boy take his trousers down and slap his backside and tell him if he keeps it up when his friends are there you will do the same because if he can't behave as an older child he's going to be treated like a little boy

Answer 7

Wow you ground your 7 year old?

Try sitting him in time out or taking away the toys he throws at you

Answer 8

you're doing it perfectly.

Answer 9

You don't say why he threw 2 toys at you, so it is hard to think whether he may have felt justified in screaming in your face when you threw them in the bin.  I think I would want to scream in someone's face if they threw my belongings in the bin.  

You have also mentioned slapping his face, and grounding him.  That is three punishments mentioned.  I hope you don't do ALL of them for one crime.  I do not condone slapping him in the face.  Violence breeds violence.  He will slap another child in the face when they do not do what he wants because that is the example you are giving him.

Make up your mind what the punishment is.  Slapping, grounding, throwing belongings away..... - and do just one of them.  He needs to know what the consequences of his actions are, so you tell him, 'If you do/do not ......... I will  a) slap you in the face b) throw away a beloved toy, c) ground you.  If you look at those options when feeling calm and in control, I think that you will see that the most reasonable of the three is the grounding.   So you need to stipulate a reasonable time length for grounding so that he knows when it ends.  Depends on what he has done 'wrong' (in your opinion, which may or may not be the same opinion of another adult).  

It doesn't matter whenether he is as tall as you or as strong as you, eventually all children get that way anyway but the parent still needs to be in control.  Not by slapping and threatening but by mutual respect.  I wonder if you do have respect for your son and this is where your problem lies.  But with such little information in your question it is very difficult to tell.  Apart from the fact that personally, I don't think you are showing him any respect if you are slapping him in the face.  It is not a good thing to do when you are angry and feeling out of control.  Stop doing it before a slap turns into a punch and then abuse.   He may be big but he is still only a young child.    

Answer 10

This is going to sound crazy to you probably,  it did to me too, but you HAVE to read Why Can't My Child Behave by Jane Hersey.  It's just changing their diet to where they aren't eating artificial flavored things and artificially colored things and things that contain high fructose corn syrup (the book goes more in depth)  I have started doing this with my daughter. Today is her 4th day on the diet and she is like a totally different child.  I just find myself in amazement at how good and normal she's being.  Please give it a try.  Read the reviews of the book on amazon.com . And you can buy the book cheaper from half.com or ebay.com .  I hope this helps!

Answer 11

ask him why hes pissed off at you to throw toys at you. youll probably p**s him off more by slapping him. or h**l end up hating you. he behaves like an animal potentially because hes frustrated you arent listening to him. stop treating him like an animal and he;ll probably stop acting like one.  

Answer 12

so hard these days as smacking is not acceptable have the same with mine its all to do with attention keep calm more you shout that is a way of getting your attention good luck