How can i resolve things with my girlfriend?

Question

So I`m having a spot of bother in my relationship and I was hoping for some advice. Background: we`ve been together for nearly 3 yrs. She`s Swiss but we met in London and were together there for 8 months then she had to go back home, so we did a LDR for a yr then I moved out to be with her, but my lack of language skills (German) have hindered my settling a little. My basic language skills are such that I can only talk to people if they address me directly and speak v slowly. Understandably most natives (especially young people,and lots of my g/f`s friends and family) that I meet can`t be bothered to do this so it can get a bit lonely. Also,I wanted to move to the big city where I work when I arrived, as it`s a more international environment, but she put pressure on me to move to the city where she studies, where there aren´t any expats and it´s much harder to find a nice place to live due to demand from students "so we can see eachother more often", and then she hardly comes to stay with me anyway so I usually have to go to her and her family at weekends and some weeknights (in a tiny town even further away from the city) and twiddle my thumbs alone while they all go about their normal lives blabbering on in German. So in the last couple of months I`ve declined the opportunity to go out with my girlfriend and her friends as I always end up on my own in the corner not being able to talk to anyone while she goes off and has fun. So now she has the gall to blame me that we don`t go out and have fun together saying "if i can`t have fun with you then I can without you, I feel like an old woman now" blatantly disregarding all the times I`ve sat at her house aching to go out and do sth when she couldn`t be bothered to go out. So i said i miss how things were in London and she said that maybe that was just because we were a new couple and things would be boring together even if we were still there now. Does this sound like the end, or do you thing this can be resolved?

Answer 1

She doesn't deserve you. You moved to a foreign country, left your friends, work, life behind for her. But she doesn't appreciate you doing that. Can i just ask.. did she want you to move for her? or did you just kind of invite yourself? I'm sorry to say but it doesn't sound as if it is going to work. Your willing to try but sounds like she is not. She shouldn't be making you feel like this. She has the nerve to make you feel like your doing something wrong, when shes the one who is completely lazy to come see you and leaves you out all the time. Sounds like she doesn't care about you or respect you as her boyfriend. She doesn't have the guts to brake it off her self, cos you made sacrifices for her so instead she blames it on you and is hinting to you to brake up with her. This way she doesn't feel guilty. I know this may be hard to hear and i'm sorry. You sound like you really love her, but your not getting any love in return. It's going to be hard but i think you should let her go, she's going to brake your heart in the long run anyway. Its going to hurt more the longer you stay with her. Time is precious don't waste it on something that cannot be saved. You deserve better. Break ups hurt, but we're humans we move on. It may seem like you can't but in time you will get over it... trust me.

Answer 2

You have 2 choices, learn the language or come home. It's never going to work you just muddling by there and only half living your life, you will grow to resent her and she will get bored with hearing that you feel left out.

You could ask hr to move in with you and help you learn to speak German or you could call it a day and go out recapture your life and move on.

Answer 3

yep its the end

Answer 4

First you have to resolve things within yourself !  It really sounds like you have lost yourself in this relationship.  You can blame anyone you want, but the true is "You made the choice !"  You need to first talk to her.  Let her know everything you are thinking.  You have been with her long enough to speak your mind (in a respectful way).  NEVER use the word YOU in discribing your feeling.  Use the word I in the conversation, because these are YOUR feelings.  I have learned that using the word You puts the person on the defensive.  Practice in the mirror first, before you confront her.  Think about what you really want to say.  Write it down if you have to.  That way you will get ALL your points accross.  I know this sounds dumb but it really does work, when your looking to get you back.  And never loose sight of YOU, because EVERYONE around you benifits.  It truely is not a selfish way to look at things.         How old is she ? ?  She sounds like she's in her late teens or early twenties.  She has a ways to go in maturity.  And remember, "She can't fix it if she doesn't know it's broken ! " Good Luck

Answer 5

sit down and really tell her how you feel about the situation. if she really wants this to work, she will meet you half way and do some compromising. If she blows you off, you might want to think of finding someone more deserving!

Answer 6

Can I ask why you havent taken any german language lessons to help your situation?  Is there some reason that perhaps you are not as committed to the relationship as you thought?  In its present state I dont think you can resolve this.  Your girlfriend hasnt seemed to make an effort to speak english and involve you and you havent learned the basic language orally so that you can meet her halfway.  I would try moving to the city you first wanted to live in, make a headway with your career, meet the expats and see if you cant, if you want to that is, keep the relationship going from city to city.  You managed a LDR once before so maybe thats what you can try again.  If you want to save the relationship I think you are going to have to learn to speak german dont you?

If not - best say goodbye now before you learn to hate each other and it ends badly.

Answer 7

Devote more time to studying German.  If you don't you'll always be in the same boat.  

Answer 8

If you put your mind to it you can resolve it. If you feel that you are too low talented in this type of language than try to take a course so you can build yourself to it.

If she is putting that much pressure and you love her and want to stay with her give her a little space (meaning let her decide many of the things with ought any arguments.)

If this routine does not work than talk to her about how you feel and explain how things are going, because normally she may be thinking that you are the odd one and not she.