How can i save when my parents keep taking money and never help me out?

Question

I love my parents but they frustrate me to no end. My Dad works for Ford and has been getting laid off all over the place, my mom hasn't worked in 27 years and has been saying she will go back to work for the past 5 but needless to say I don't see it happening. Things are not going to get better unless they do something, in my eyes. My problem is I'm 18, I have been working since I was 14 and I just can't afford all the things I need. They don't ever help me out. I'm responsible for everything from my personal care products (make up, shampoo, toothpaste), clothes, shoes, haircuts, things for work, gas, and food. I had 1,000 dollers from graduation in July and becuase they couldn't afford groceries and from buying fast food, I'm now down to 150 becuase I had to buy pants and shoes for a new job also today. My mom argues I don't have it bad but it's really hard. The last time they bought me clothes was when I was 15, I was 5'2" then and now I am 5'6". So nothing fits anymore! She will make comments how my jeans are too short. My bras are all worn out and my shoes have holes in them. Most of all I am soooo sick of being hungry. They are both on a diet and all we have is fruits and vegetables or yogurt, I'm always so hungry and tired and feel sick. I'm only 95 lbs. I start beauty school in the fall and I just don't know how to do it all. I worked two jobs and finished highschool in 3 months last year to help out and it just cleaned me out buying groceries. My mom thinks I should be able to afford everything becuase I work, but I work at Robeks for minimum wage and there's just not enough! I'm worried I'll never be able to move out, all I have is that 150 dollers and she already is nagging me to pay for food since I complain I'm hungry. Please help what can I do?

Answer 1

My parents didn't give me money or support me when I moved out and it was really hard.  Is there any way that you can find some other girls who you can share an apartment with?  (If so - even if they are your friends - make sure there's a lock on your bedroom door for times when you're not there).

Your parents are used to abusing you and they won't stop.  Once you're out on your own and starting to do well, they will very likely want financial help/support from you - so you need to be ready to draw a line.  Also, once you do start doing well (this is from my personal experience), they will resent you.  There's nothing you can do about it, buying them presents will create negative comments - just be ready for it.

You need to set up your own personal "support system".  People / friends/ advisors who can help you get through this.

Just for reference, I've got some basic worksheets for you:

http://financialplan.about.com/cs/budget...

http://www.betterbudgeting.com/budgetfor...

http://www.personalbudgeting.com/tips/ti...

http://articles.moneycentral.msn.com/Sav...

When deciding how to budget - your housing (rent, insurance, etc..) should only be 25-30% of your budget.  Your car (payment, insurance, maintainence, etc..) should be around 20-25% and IF YOU CAN - try to save at least 10% (15% is better) of your income.

It's best to have an "emergency fund" - usually a couple months worth of living expenses but in your situation, you may want to get out of the house sooner.  

I hope that you can find your way through this - it sounds like you are terribly mature and well on your way to a successful life (once you get past this bump!).

Answer 2

When your over this hard period of life you'll appreciate the fact that you did it all by yourself. First things first! Find a job that allows you to be financially independent, but still allows you the time to do your beauty school thing. Have you looked into some sort of telemarketing? If you have a call center nearby they usually pay pretty well and work around school schedules. I agree with the person who suggested waiting tables. Tips can be a life saver, if your efficient and friendly enough. Alot of schools have jobs available for students (computer labs, janitorial, filing). Can you get a student loan to help out until you get done with school? What sort of school hosts this beauty program? maybe you could get a cheap campus apartment or even a dorm room until you complete the program.

The best advice i can give you... is do everything you can to get out of your parents grasp. Get your own bank account and be strict about your finances (no more loans to the parents until they pay you for what they owe) You have to be a little selfish sometimes, think about what's best for you.

Good luck!

Answer 3

i feel bad for you. i am in half the situation you're in. my mom doesnt take my money and she is very supportive. and im 18 too, but i need to earn everything for myself while my ffriends go on and on and on about how they're parents just paid off their first year uni loans even before it has started. heres what you do:

1. while you work at robeks, start looking for a better job with mroe pay. since you've been working you have experience. go to a free community place with job postings. spending 30  - 45 minutes at this centre can help you polish up your resume and interview skills as well as use the net for applying. or even looking at classifieds. apply everywhere, but go for more pay. as soon as you work something out with another place, give in your resignation and join a better job. this way you wont waste time not earning/jobless.

2. cut off any of your parents access to your money. (change your bank account pin number or whatever) and say no to giving them money. dont fall in to nagging and threats. and hopefully not abuse either. just make sure that your earnings come to you. and you spend them on some decent food since you're a growing lady.

3. i know how it can be when parents dont let you live or grow up. but you need to be strong, and even if you love your parents, it takes a strong person to let go. if you have life plans for yourself then you need to be strong now and just say no to them.

4. in an extreme case: go to a womens shelter and tell them your condition and tell them you've been evicted from your parents. because they're practically asking you to pay to live in their house and you have no money to pay. so go there, save up.

5. finally: once you've saved up enough in a few months, move the h**l out. it is scary to start an independent life, but in some cases it's necessary if you wanna make it anywhere. when moving out dont forget all the bills and costs (you dont wanna get trapped and have to go back)

6. as tempting as loans a credit cards are, dont fall into that trap. that **** will put you in a worse situation then you are in now. seriously just dont get a credit card. buy stuff that you already have the money for.

good luck my dear. and remember: you're not a bad person if you want to secure your future life. you're not selfish if you wanna go to college or uni to have a better life!

Answer 4

Living in your parents house even though they have no right to your money you are still living by their rules. And it can be hard when you know there is no money and you've got some to withhold it from your folks. If you did this it would resort to name calling and even more headaches for you.

Do you have friends or relatives you can move in with who wont nickel and dime you for groceries and such? It may seem like you are abandoning your parents but distancing yourself from them is the best alternative. You sound like a decent person and all you need is a break from being the bread winner for your parents to save enough to stand on your own feet. Work 2 to 3 jobs if you have to for now and save some money to propel you forward. Not all of us are lucky to have parents cater for us.

Look into college and see if you can get any scholarships. If you can qualify for financial aid don't go overboard with that. Do whatever it takes to secure your future because from the look of it, you'll only have yourself to fall back on. Its tough, I know, but once you weigh your situation u gotta do what you gotta do to avoid ending up where your parents are today.

Answer 5

A ironical situation for a person in the independednt country... haha... well they lived thier life and are really lazy and must learn to let others live and yes it was obvious that they forcing themselves on you... rest is up to u..... you have to decide and take action and live your own life.... no one help you else you help yourself....

Answer 6

You never say how much money you DO make. You can always find a small studio apartment for real cheap, or maybe move into a boarding house (you can find them in some college areas. Look on craigslist and see what kind of roommate offers are available.

I know what you are going through and it is possible to get out of the situation. You do need to sit down with your parents and talk to them about it all, you don't want to ruin your relationship over this. It is hard to stand up to your parents but you really should.

Answer 7

Why do they have access to your money?  You need to get a job waiting tables and you will make cash (and good cash).  Your parents will also have no idea how much money you are making (it varies from night to night) and you can start stashing it away.  If they have access to an account, start keeping it under your mattress.  If they search your room, keep it in your car.  Use a friend you trust if you have to, but cut off their access to your money.

Start saving.  You will need money for deposits for your apartment and likely your electric/water bills if you don't have previously established credit.  If you don't have self-transportation, start saving for that first.

You CAN take away your parents' ability to take your money.  It comes down to being smart and/or saying no.  Buy your own food; if they're on diets, they won't eat it anyway.  Buy yourself new clothes.  You can do all this stuff when you stop letting them take your money.  Plenty of people work through college and pay for their own toiletries, clothes, spending money, etc.  I did it and so can you.  

First step: cut them off.

Second step: find a secure place to save your money.

Answer 8

Hi -- I am going to write like a mother, because your post tugged at my heartstrings.

You are having a hard time partly because you are still young.  18 may be the legal age of adulthood, but when I was that age, I was still a kid and no doubt about it.  No more could I have gone out on my own than anything.

But!  At the same time, your parents are in a mess, and they are dragging you down with them.  Consider that your dad is caught in the Ford layoff mess, which is very frightening.  And your mom is undoubtedly scared out of her wits to go work, whether or not she will admit it.

That leaves you, a young adult with a lot of pressure being applied.  Here's my suggestion.  Take your very next paycheck, put 10% of it into that same account they have been raiding, and the rest into a new account that is yours alone.  Make no comment.  Spend what you must, save what you can.  Be the adult you are being forced into being right now.  Consider that they are in GREAT dysfunction right now.

Now let's take your problems one by one.  Write them down, then put them in order of importance.  To me it sounds like getting enough food for yourself is first.  You cannot even think if you are hungry.  Then maybe shoes and some very simple clothes for school.  Don't try to solve everything at once, but just tackle them one by one.  I am not saying this will be easy, but have confidence you can do it.

Can we get you some assistance?  Call the number 211 if they have it in your town (or maybe Info Line) for referral for help on these first and worst problems.  I personally think you also need some friendly counseling to help you through, and you could get some at no cost.

Even though you don't say something, soon your parents will catch on to your plan, and the sparks will fly.  When that happens, may I suggest you do everything you can to talk with them CALMLY and MATURELY, just as much as you can do, to explain yourself?  Prepare yourself for a lot of carrying on.  If they decide to charge you rent or even kick you out, again try 211, or call the YWCA, or a church.  You are not alone.

If you can, please write back to let us know how you are doing.

Answer 9

Your an ADULT now. You can do what you want when you want and if you get a nice paying job to support just you then move to an appartment.  

Answer 10

srry but your parents are lazy and inconsiderate. they have lived thier life now live yours. im not saying abandon them, you can help them out a little but it seems like they aren't really trying cuz they have you around. leave and do whats best for you. you dont need that much stress and pain