How can i stop thinking negatively?

Question

i mean it just naturally comes

i used to be really quiet and shy

but now i can be myself

but everytime i meet someone new i always think like "oh ****, were gonna have a pretty quiet convo"

then i start to worry and think of something real fast to talk about but im so nervous i cant!

i always think im the lesser individual especially around guys who r intimidating.....how can i think positive all the time and not care about what 'they' think?

Answer 1

I couldn't understand everything you were trying to communicate, but one thing I'd like to say is you need to learn more about your personality.  If you knew how normal you were and that millions of other people are almost exactly like you are then you would have more confidence. try taking the myers briggs personality type test.  Also the john holland personality test.  You might also look into the eneagram.  You can find all of these on the internet, but here are some links:

http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/JTyp...

http://www.enneagraminstitute.com/

http://www.careerkey.org/asp/your_person...

The more you know about your personality and how standard it is the better you feel about yourself.  You're really an awesome person.  You just don't know it yet.

Answer 2

I suggest you first do things to build up your external esteem issues - like the clothes, colors you wear, hairstyle, the way you walk, stand, etc... then when you feel comfortable in that 'skin(s)', you might want to say kindly things (you need to think some up that's objective even if you have nothing, or so you think, good to think about yourself), eg, everyone has stress, even the so-called looking intimidating kinds of guys have problems (yes, they do). I am as human as anyone who has confidence, some of which could be from their genes, otherwise, from training.  I may not have the genes, but, there are more people with lesser than average beauty genes who have done good in other areas of their lives that enhanced their attractiveness.  

Other than that, you might have talents, gifts you might want to affirm yourself with, daily, till you sense a filling out of those needs you have always wanted to hear from significant others.

Start building your own emotional 'muscle' before you can be spontaneously confident with others.  Even then, don't stop being the phony person, if trying doesn't  hurt anyone.

You have a high concern for how others think of you.  This will pass and in time you'll be able to find a 'place' in your heart where it becomes a need (then you ask for some respect, respectfully), not a want, then much later, you are no longer dependent upon others approval anymore to do what you know to be the appropriate thing to do.  

Answer 3

well it really starts from with in, i mean i wouldnt call being shy and quiet "thinking negativley" or thinking that a quiet convo is thinking negativly.. cause its not.. your question seems like there is a deeper issue then your letting on.. well I think i know what it is and it comes from low self esteem. You need to not care what other people think about you and just be yourself, i know you said that you can but your still not doing it from what I can see (just by the few info u wrote down) i mean not being able to think positive and being so self consience when a guy is around or an "intimidating" guy is around shows low self confidence and your not comfortable that they would like you for you...

there are ALOT of things you can do to help with that, start getting a job in the customer service field like maybe retail at a clothing store, a place where it forces you to be outgoing and talk to people... just by doing that you will gain confidence. You should also take up some acting classes at a local theater near by that will help you get out of your shell and not worry about what others are thinking... acting is basically stepping outside of your element, which is what you need to do... keep doing what i suggested as long as you feel "confident" enough and that your not all self consience anymore.. I can guranteed that if you do what i suggested you would see a huge improvemnt, you will be able to have better social skills and be able to not be 'afraid" on what a guy thinks of you..

good luck <33

if you need any more help im availabe, just email me