How can i support my best friend who has had her world turned upside down?

Question

a few days ago her partner and father of her children ended their relationship suddenly and without warning, apparently he has been seeing his supposadly ex-girlfriend all along. he has been phoning and texting her a lot and today told her he is trying to make a very difficult decision and needs to be sure he does the right thing for him, he also told her he she should be doing something to prove how wrong he is being. i really dont know what that is supposed to mean and i really dont know how to support her for the best, she is putting on a very brave face but i know she must be hurting badly inside as she loves him so much, and frankly i am worried that she isnt letting her emotions flow, shes in a state of shock, if it were me i would probably be hysterical. what can i do to support her through this, she keeps asking me why has he done this like i would know

Answer 1

I'm really sorry for your friend it's such a shame her partner cheated on her.

It is important to think what your friend is going through. Your friend could be feeling shock, disbelief, numbness and withdrawal. Sometimes even guilt and shame. They may be preoccupied with thoughts about what is happening to them, and react with emotions like anger, fear and anxiety. They will be depressed and will often have an inability to concentrate if they are really upset.

Just be supportive. If your friend decides to open up and talk to you about their problem, carefully listen to your friend and believe what they are telling you. Remember to remain non-judgemental. After all, they have chosen you as a trusted resource person, and you are a step in their recovery. Try to make their needs more of a priority.

Do not press for details as this is vital to being a good listener. Let your friend set the pace and decide how much they are comfortable with telling you. Comfort them and tell them they have done a good thing by coming to you for help. Assure them that they can trust you, and do not share details with people who are not involved. If you feel you should tell someone, make sure you have your friend’s permission.

Make sure your friend doesn't use her kids to score 'points' against her ex and try to encourage amicable actions. Make sure with her decisions she thinks of the kids, because if the parents start to fight it will be the kids who suffer.

I wish you and your friends the best of luck :)

Answer 2

sorry to say this, but its an age old story.. and 99 times out of 100 hes back, for one reaon or another...

all you can do for your friend is to be there for her, and to just listen as she unloads.. thats what friends are for..

what she does about his indiscretions is a whole other ball game, BUT whatever she does, DO NOT use the kids and access rights as a bartering chip... mine did, and i walked... and now, theyre 27 and 25, and relaise their mother was a psycho witch baby factory... but we talk civilly, and i get on well with her chap... (we get wasted together and she really doesnt like it) but hes a good guy, bought my kids up well, probably better than i would have..

your froends hed is in turmoil... but it will sort itself out... it justtakes time, patience and a good friend...  

Answer 3

Just BE there.

And no hysterics.