How can i tell my friend, (kindly) that she is becoming a s**t?

Question

Its not an option to NOT tell her.

She is my best friend, and she needs to hear it from me, if no one else will tell her.

I am very direct and I don't sugarcoat things, she is very sensitive.

I don't want to hurt her feelings or make her sad.

So how can I approach this?

In the last 4 months she has been living a promiscuous and dangerous lifestyle that is putting her health at risk.

It is also interesting because she has become the kind of girl that she used to hate.

My point is that, this is the AIDS generation and I want her to be more selective and discriminating about the guys she sleeps with.

I love her to death but I'm just really tired of hearing about pregnancy worries or STD scares every other week.

Its also NOT an option to stop being friends with her.

I'm sure some of you may argue that friends don't call friends s***s. But it is what is.

We have been through so much together and I am confused because of this personality change. I just want to help her, without putting her down.

Please advice.

Answer 1

be honest.. start saying ur worried. then u said it yourself , ur gonna do it as her best friends argueing is normal and the truth hurts so theres not much more u can do about it

Answer 2

If she your friend and you care about her, then you need to tell her how you feel about her ruining her life. Tell her to stop it and get herself together, because of the love you have for her, you don't want nothing to happen to her.

Answer 3

or am very sorry to hear that your friend is going in the wrong direction..

but just talk to her..and if she ask you what she would wear to go out....just choose the one that you think that dont look like a s**t..

tell her how you feel ..and if shes a good friend like you said..she will listen and take advice from you..tell her if you keep up this way of lifetstyle..you probz would get pregant and maybes AIDS..

when your young you dont really care what happens..but when your older she will hopefully regreat it ...do things with her ..eg: dance ..listen to music ..to keep her mind off from sleeping with others. . or go to a massage and calm ..or the best thing is to do is ..PRAY... pray for her ..and tell her to come to church just once ..and she will hopefully change ..

people can change their lifestlye if they speak with the God .. i know this sounds g*y ..but have a little try ..it will work ..

good luckk !! belive in her too and have faith ..

Answer 4

Maybe start out with the Aids facts. Then, tell her of a friend that is doing as she is. And her opinion on how the girl is acting. And how it makes people feel and how those people feel about her. More than likely the girl will have a negative opinion of the woman you're speaking of and then tell her. That this is how she is acting, and how people see her. Make sure you let her know that you love her, and you're only doing it for her own good. I hope this helps.  

Answer 5

here is how honey I love you to death as a friend and I have to warn you that what you are doing is dangerous point out stds and date rape all the dangers and social problems it will cause but start out by im your friend so this is why i am concearned be your blunt self she wiillll be hurt a bit but she will settle down ohhh start with I got you a gift and hand her a box of rubbers then tell her why

Answer 6

I have been through the exact same thing with a close childhood friend. I feel really bad for you.

Its scary, and you worry.

I tried to tell my friend in a lot of different ways, but nothing worked. The fact is, she knows everything you are going to say- the AIDs stuff, pregnancy, STDs - and shes made her choice.

Do you have any ideas why your friend is being so self destructive? In my friend's case, she had very low self esteem, and she was looking for validation. Not only from the guys who were wanting to sleep with her, but she needed to brag about it to girls afterwards. It sounds like your friend is the same with you, shes craving the negative attention, even though she must know you disapprove.

I later learned that my friend had been the victim of sexual abuse as a child, and this was her way of dealing with it.

Sometimes you cant stop your friend from hurting themselves, whatever is driving her to make these decisions, against all her better judgement and everything we know about STDs etc- is strong. and probably too strong for you to change her mind.

Try and discover the cause of her behaviour. Listen to her about her problems, but maybe not about s*x.  Just say ' I respect your right to decide what you do with your body, but I dont want to hear about that- you know it upsets me'

I really feel for you, I was in the same boat. Send me an email if you want someone to chat to.

Good for you in sticking by your friend, and you are a good friend (unlike what some of the other people here have said, they just dont get it)

Good luck, and hang in there

Answer 7

If you are a friend, then you wouldn't call her a s**t!

I would never use that word to describe any woman. It is a male orientated word that I find disgusting, and I am a man.

Answer 8

it's hard to tell from your question just what the situation is.  is your friend have unprotected s*x with lots of different partners?  is she using some form of birth control?  does she talk to you about what she does?  do you truly believe she unaware of the dangers of STDs & AIDS?  if so, you need to talk with her.

Answer 9

Didn't you ask this question a long time ago?  Seems vaguely familiar to me.  Anyway...all you can do is tell her you are concerned about her health and reputation.  Ask her is something happened to her that changed her so.  Ask her to consider her actions and how they could affect her future.  

Answer 10

Don't call her names. Tell her what you're worried about and why, and ask her why her behaviour has changed so drastically.

Answer 11

Tell her straight up and tell her this is the AIDS generation!

If she doesn't listen which I strongly believe she won't then that is her business, not yours!