How can my brothers wedding receive so much more attention?

Question

I know this shouldn't bother me. I even think the fact it bothers me bothers me more then the situation.

My little brother got married last Saturday. He and his new wife received so many gifts and cards. Over 2,000 dollars cash, an expenses paid honeymoon to Hawaii, plasma tv and surround sound, more kitchen stuff then I can list, full bedroom and bathroom decor... Everything you can dream of.

In 2006 I married my boyfriend of many years, my wedding was smaller but all the same people were invited (from my side of the family and family friends) most of them didn't even show, let alone send gifts. For the most part it went unnoticed. I received some cards, maybe 50 dollars and some cheesy fruit basket.

Its not the gifts I really care about, but the attention my brothers wedding received. I have been working very very hard to not seem jaded and I believe no one notices. But the difference is so bad my brother even apologized to me because he noticed.

I have considered that people may not have paid as much attention because I was with my husband for 9 years before we married (we started dating at 16) so no one was surprised about our engagement. But my brother and his wife had been together almost as long.

So now my head spins over why people didn't care about my marriage. Does my family think less of me and my husband? Have I done something to upset them? My brother is an excellent mechanic, he fixes everyone's cars for free so maybe its that, but I also try to always be there when people need help too (I just can't fix a car).

I have never considered myself petty, so please don't think it is the gifts alone I'm jealous about. But how can there be such an obvious difference in support between two siblings?

Answer 1

i dont know why that always seems to happen..there is always one sibling that gets more of everything than the other but you shouldnt worry aslong as you live happy with your husband you dont need other people

Answer 2

I'm not sure... was his more "lavish"? Was there more hype around it? I don't mean to say that it should warrent more attention and gifts because it was fancier, I'm just grasping at straws.

I'm sorry you feel this way. I would be wondering as well. I'm sure your family loves you as much as they love your brother.

I guess I wasn't much of a help. Get over it and continue being the good person that you are. :)

Answer 3

I think that would bother me, too. I wouldn't want it to, just as you don't, but it is normal.

Could it be that everyone sees you as more competent than your brother? I have noticed that the most competent child often gets the least attention both emotionally and financially. People tend to give more the one who seems to need the help more, even though they often don't realize that's what they're doing.

So in that light, it's kind of a compliment.

Answer 4

Think of the prodigal son story. The person who gets the most attention is the person who didn't do the right thing, and therefore needs it. I'd take it as a compliment that people figured you didn't need anything fancy, and leave it at that. It sucks, but it just means it's up to you to be the bigger person (again, probably).

Answer 5

Maybe it was just the other side of the family, (his wife's side)? Just don't worry about it, your time will come when you receive all the attention, and you don't want all the attention if its because you are jealous of your brother. I understand the way you feel and all but don't worry about it because you will just make your self sick over something that is no big deal.

Answer 6

Do you and your husband have more money than your brother and his wife? I'm just trying to think of a reason, I know my parents are constantly handing out money to my brother and his wife because "they need it."  They've paid for all of his FIVE weddings in full but when my fiance and I announced our engagement, my mother expressed her worries about how they'd afford it. They just gave them them $5,000 a few months ago because my brother got drunk and crashed his car into a tree. Now I sound petty.

Maybe they seem more in need of those things than you and your husband did?  

Answer 7

People are weird aren't they?! My late Grandmother adored all of her Grandchildren, and had a special soft spot for me as I am the eldest.

For my wedding she and my Grandfather (who had served as an RAF Officer for nearly 30 years, so they weren't hard up!) gave us an electric carving knife (with which we were delighted). A year later for my cousin's wedding (equally loved by my Grandparents, and we are close) they gave an all expenses paid honeymoon to Italy! Go figure!

You sound like a really nice person, perhaps you didn't make a big thing of the wedding, or perhaps people thought 'she's nice, I don't have to break the bank to impress her!'. There is the expression 'the squeaky wheel gets the grease' and certainly my cousin made a great big song and dance about her wedding, probably prompting the bigger gifts. That may well be what happened to you.  

Answer 8

I think it's perfectly justifiable that you'd be jealous.  And perfectly justifiable that you'd be embarrassed that you're jealous.  This is quite uncomfortable for both of you.

The important thing to remember is the reason you were married is for your husband and not for the gifts.  You wanted to share the day with your family and thats all that matters.  On the inside, I think it's okay to feel a bit concerned and unnerved by the obvious differences in your weddings.  You're human!  But on the outside, try to remain as gracious as possible.  You don't want to upset your brother and his new bride (afterall, it's not their fault).  

Perhaps your brother is just more sociable and has more generous friends than you do.  Or perhaps your family felt like they owed him.  Or perhaps HER family and friends are very generous.  It could be any number of things.

Try not to let it get to you and try not to be bitter--as hard as it may be.