How can my fiance and I incorporate into our reception....

Question

a memorial of sorts for our deceased parents {he lost both his mom and dad and I lost my dad}; I was thinking of having three seats open at the family reserved table and having a poem that I created posted on the chairs {not real big/about the size of our invitations}; and then he and I just before the toasting saying a little something that I also created and placing a single rose on each of the chairs ~ he doesnt want to do that because that will bump 3 people off the reserved family table, he wants to instead go with my entire idea but instead give the rose to a surviving family member, for instance he would give his two roses to his daughter and I would give my rose to my mother, I aint to keen on that idea at all, then his co-worker says we should have a separate table near the family reserved table {empty of course} then do the whole thing I described above, I aint to keen on that either, I'm ready to just say forget it, I want to honor his parents and my father but we have just so much time in this facility and we have other things to do as well before the night is done.....Whew!!!! anyone with any ideas of how we can do this successfully.....Thanks

Answer 1

OK, I'm bracing myself for the thumbs-down... I don't think a wedding is the time or place for a memorial that is sure to be very emotional and tear-jerking.  Guests who are not related to you, or guests who maybe never met your deceased parents, might feel uncomfortable when the fun, lighthearted wedding reception suddenly veers off-course into Funeral-ville.  

I definitely understand and respect your desire to make your departed parents part of your big day, but I suggest you do it in a more subtle way- maybe have their pictures in pretty frames at the dessert table, or incorporate pictures of you and your fiance with them in your wedding slideshow.  I'll be putting my grandparents' gorgeous sepia-toned wedding picture on the buffet table, so everyone can see how beautiful SHE was as a bride, and so I feel that she's close to me.  BUt I think you really need to skip the poem and speeches, and also don't do the empty table or emplty place settings, because I think it will just be too sad for all your other guests to see.  Maybe you could make mention of them at your rehearsal dinner, which is going to be a lot smaller and more intimate than your reception.

Answer 2

Here is an article that meant be able to give you some good ideas. There are lots of ways that you can honor them. You could set up their pictures with a short caption underneath at the guestbook table. You could light candles in their honor - or you can have the pastor say a few words during the ceremony in remembrance of them.

http://weddings.about.com/od/weddingstre...

http://weddings.about.com/b/2006/11/09/a...

I hope this helps! Good luck...and remember that they will all be there in spirit.  

Answer 3

Have three candles burning at the reception.Incorporate a special flower into your bouquet for each of them.I used white roses for one grandpa and purple heather for my other grandpa.No one else really wants to dredge up the past this is a time for just you two.Honor them quietly so you know but not so everyone wonders whats up.

Answer 4

I agree that a wedding is not the place for a memoriam. My dad died when I was 19. I am just going to have a little red bird incorporated into my bouquet as a silent symbol between me and him. We used to watch those red birds every morning when I was growing up.

While I am so sad he is not here to walk me down the aisle and celebrate this day with us, it is the beginning our our new life together, not a time for mourning. My dad  would not want to be celebrated like that on our wedding day.

The other poster was right and I will probably get thumbs down too. It is kind of morbid to leave open chairs for the deceased.

Sorry :( I know this is a hard time. You really need to do what suits you though.

I have heard of people lighting a candle.  Wow...a whole empty table? Are you going to pay for another centerpiece and linens and place settings... I think most guests would wonder why you have a whole table of no-shows. Most would  not realize it is a memorial.