How can my husband adopt my children?

Question

I was married for 9 years and I fianally got the nerve to divorce my abusive physically & mentally husband. We have 2 children together which he does not contact or support. I'm now remarried and my new husband is in the military and he wants to adopt. He is the one supporting the children and he is the father figure. He loves my kids as his own. The father has been in and out of jail for the last 3 yrs and only calls maybe every 6 months. I had told him if he signed adoption papers that he would be released of all ties but he won't. He says "that would make me look like a bad dad" He is really messed up on drugs and says he wants to see his kids but makes no effort to change himsef or his life. He won't get a job so he doesn't have to pay child suppor, he lives with hi grandparents when he's not in jail. He is 32 years old. I think he is back in jail again. I have full custody of them but if anything were to happen to me he would still get the kids since he is the bio dad.

Answer 1

If he won't give up his parental rights by allowing an adoption, there really is NOTHING you will be able to DO about it----HOWEVER,  if you go talk to a lawyer, you MIGHT be able to prove he is an UNFIT FATHER so that at least if something happened to YOU,  the courts wouldn't automatically give your kids to him OR HIS PARENTS..... but you HAVE to have something in writing  (like a will ) in order for that to happen.   My father remarried a woman who's ex was similar to YOUR ex---always in and out of jail etc.   and he too would NEVER allow my father to adopt his new wife's 2 little kids....even though he NEVER saw them again except one time---about 3 months before my stepbrother committed suicide when he was 23...   my stepsister is now in her 30's and married with her own kids... BUT,  what she DID do,  was when she turned 18,  she legally changed her last name from her FATHER's name to MY father's name ...but,  get something LEGAL in writing stating to WHOM you want your children to go SHOULD something happen to you----without that document, HE or HIS PARENTS could end up with your children...and your new husband would be left totally out of their lives...

Answer 2

Custody law is different in every state, so the best thing to do is talk to a lawyer.  This site might help you get the general picture- http://step-parent.adoption.com/

Answer 3

my step mom went through the same thing.  I'm not sure of every step she had to take, but I do know if you go to your county courthouse, they will deffinetly be able to help you out with that.  that's where my step mom had to go to do the adoption, and changing names.  good luck!

Answer 4

Hi there, There are different laws in every state, but I can tell you that you can have his rights terminated.  Both of my children were adopted by my husband.  There bio dad left when my son was 7 and my girl was 4.  He too worried that he would look like a 'bad man' if he gave them up.  That was a laugh because having little or no contact and giving no support had already established the kind of man/father he was.

The first step will be to terminate his parental rights.  This can be done by sending him a letter or posting the information in the legal section of the newspaper in the town where he last resided.  After his rights are terminated you have to quickly move ahead with the adoption.  If the kids are not adopted with in a certain time frame the termination of his rights would be revoked. If you were to die and he would have the custody of the children again.  (The state does not want to support your kids if you should die.)  

A lawyer will be able to draw up all of the paperwork for you.

When me husband adopted my ex lived across the country and we were able to proceed with out much of a hitch.  My ex said he would not sign, but the judge terminated his rights based on the fact that he had not supported the kids in years.

Good Luck!  You will be at peace when it is done.

Answer 5

Have him served with papers now.  If he does not respond in the required amount of days (varies state to state), then his rights can be terminated permanently.

Time is of the essence.

Answer 6

offer him money to sign, he will

Answer 7

Laws do vary from state to state however i live in louisiana and my husband adopted my little girl. It took about 1 year to complete but we found a family Attorney and spoke with them i had to tell them the situation and they told me how much i would need to start to proceedings. I wanted to do everything on my own but it is complicated talk to some attorneys to find the right one for your family.

Answer 8

These laws vary from state to state, but I have been in your shoes. When my husband wanted to adopt my son we got a lawyer and he handled everything. The whole process took about a year but it was worth it. A new birth certificate was issued naming my husband as the father. Like you, I was worried something would happen to me and this piece of c**p would get my son, who he never wanted to begin with. Just get a lawyer, they'll help you out. Good luck to you and your family.

Answer 9

Talk to a lawyer.  I dont know if it works this way in all states but I have seen it done in several.  Dads have rights but I have seen those rights terminated by a judge even though he didnt want to give up his rights.  Chances are he wouldnt even show up for court and if he did, you can prove that your husband financially and emotionally supports the kids and that will probably be enough to terminate the bio dads rights and allow the adoption to continue, of course thats only if the kids want to be adopted.

Answer 10

If he refuses to sign voluntarily let him know you are going to contact child support enforcement about his not paying. He can be forced to prove he is looking for work- and the amount owed will simply accrue until he has a job, and he will have that debt forever until it is paid. He can also be prosecuted and jailed for failure to pay. Hopefully that will motivate him.

From the source pages:

Q. Can a large arrearage in child support be the basis of convicting a person of a crime for which he will go to jail for a fixed period of time?

A: Yes, if the failure to pay is willful. If the child support remains unpaid for longer than six months, or the arrearage is greater than $5,000 it is a Class A misdemeanor, punishable by up to one year in jail.

It is a Class 4 felony to leave Illinois with the intent of evading a support obligation that has remained unpaid for more than six months, or if the arrearage is more than $5,000. Also, willfully failing to pay support for more than one year, or an arrearage greater than $20,000, is a Class 4 felony. The sentence for a Class 4 felony is not less than one year or more than three years in prison. For a felony charge the obligor can be extradited from another state. This is the significant tool when the obligor does not live in Illinois .

Q:   Is there anything that can be done about the support obligor who is unemployed ?

A: Yes. "[T]he court may order the person to seek employment and report periodically to the court with a diary, listing, or other memorandum of his or her efforts in accordance with [the] order." 750 ILCS 5/505.1(a).

Answer 11

there r different laws for different states.... i know that in the state of Arkansas(where i am from)..... if the biological fother has not see OR payed child support for 1 full year..... then u can terminate parental rights...... now REREAD that... it says OR... that mwans that even if he sees his children everyday but never pays.... or if he pays u every month but never sees the kids...... then u can have papers filed thfough the courts... u will then get a court date.... usually 30 days....u and ur ex will then have to go to court..... sounds like ur ex wouldnt even show up.... then u will automatically get the order granted... but if by some slim chance he does show up.... he then has to prove that he has payed or seen the child in the past year.... he will have to make a case..... when the judge sees that he is just a worthless man who doesnt want his kids u will get the order granted...... after the parental rights have been terminated..... u have to wait 30days and file papers for adoption.... when u do  that then ur new husband can then adopt the kids and the can take his name... good luck to u.... sounds like u r happy!!!!♥

Answer 12

Get a lawyer and see what you can do.  I bet in a case like that you can get a judge to make him sign the papers...you should be able to give him no choice if a judge sees him for what he really is....good luck.

Answer 13

To know all about child custody and child custody help, go to this blog

http://usa-legalcare.blogspot.com/2007/0...