How can my wife and I better handle this situation??

Question

Ok, so a few months back we found out that my younger (and only) 19 yr old sister is pregnant. Unfortunately, the father of the child is not in the picture, by his own choice. I don't like this, but I do respect him for being honest with everyone and not playing games with my sister...in my opinion I would rather him admit that he isn't ready for this responsibility than to waste her time and break her heart.

Anyway, ever since my wife and I found out, we have been on the defensive with my mother. I guess this is because she can't get mad at the "father" or anyone else in family, because everyone else just immediately threw support her way and my wife and I were really the only ones who had the guts enough to ask the hard questions. Mom did eventually say that we had no right to ask the things we did and that it was disrespectful to ask what we did.

Without going in to too much detail, things happened, hurtful things were said by both parties, and for a few months we didnt speak to her, my sister, or my dad. With my family sometimes there just isn't any getting through to them, and that's fine, I have dealt with it my whole life, so it doesn't really bother me anymore.

Our issue is that nothing is off limits when she gets mad. She has said some very hurtful things to and about me to my face, as well as said things to me about my wife without going straight to my wife. I know mom's game and that eventually she will admit she was wrong and apologize and I tell her all the time that "sometimes when you are angry you have every right to be, but that doesnt give you the right to be cruel", but obviously the issue remains.

Things have gotten better, but I fear (knowing my mother) that it's not over.

Just need some advice from other married folks out there who have issues with parents/inlaws. Please be respectful, though, thanks...

Answer 1

I don't understand? Everyone threw your pregnant singel sister support. THIS IS A GOOD thing SHE NEEDS it right now more than ever. Is the problem that your Mom did not want you to give your baby sister a hard time? This is also a good thing the last thing she needs is a hard time she has enouph hard times coming.....YOU RESPECT the fact that this "man" is NOt going to support his child? he does'nt have to be with her but he SHOULD love & support HIS BABY!! that is NOT OK.

to me it sounds like you do not want to support your sister, is this the case?

my family is also HARD to deal with so I can relate but I think your just getting to involved here, you can talk to your MOM and should, But you DO NOT need to be involved in any of their problems unless you decide to lend a helping hand. Opinons Really don't matter as much as people think they do.......ya know what i mean?

Answer 2

i wish i could give you a better answer for this. my situation was alot different with my mother n law though. but maybe you should write a letter to her and tell her exactlly how you feel. maybe she might come to her senses and yall can finally talk like adults without any conflict

Answer 3

She may never admit her wrong and may never apologize. Don't even expect it to happen one day.  

Answer 4

If you can't talk to family, then who can you talk to?

It is unfortunate for your sister and everyone else, because it does not only affect her, but all who cares for her.

I would not take it to heart as much as you have, because everyone is a bit on edge especially your mom. She knows that you were right, but now isn't the time.

Support your sister and all will balance out.

Good luck.

Answer 5

Your Sister is an adult.  If she thought you were disrespectful then she should have told you that and told you it was none of your business.  If she was ok with answering your questions then fine but it's none of your Mother's business what you asked her, that was between you and your Wife and your Sister!  Your Mother needs to keep her nose out of everyone elses business and stop being nasty!  You and your Wife don't have to take that from her, you can simply walk away or hang up on her!  You don't have to include her in what you speak to your Sister about now that she is an adult and deal with her directly or stay out of it, so you don't make her problems yours!  If she asks your opinion or for help then get involved if you want!