How can one be truthful while still being a good person?

Question

When I am frank and honest, I don't want to sound insensitive or selfish, but that's my truth (whatever I say when I am frank). But it ends up making me feel like I am not being a good person.

And when I am silent and keep it in me, I feel resentful and feel am being fake and not respectful to myself by not talking bout my needs.

How can I balance being true to myself (and what i need) yet at the same time keeping relationships smooth and happy so the other does not take offence in anyway?

Answer 1

Depends what you're being "truthful" a/b. Are you doing it at someone else's expense? You can be frank with someone when it's just the two of you. It's not really what you say, it's all a/b how you say it. Just use your head... you should know the difference between being honest to help someone vs. being honest to make someone feel stupid.  

Answer 2

I am silent most of the time, but this is true to me. You seem to need to say something so here is my advice to you. If you must criticize someone relate it to yourself while speaking to the person. If the person is bad-mouthing someone and you think it is wrong you can say something like, "I used to say really harsh things about poeple behind their backs untill i realized they may be doing the same to me." Basically if you want to help people see their faults you must make them your own if you intend not to offend them.

Answer 3

It's called being diplomatic.

For example:

There's this guy at work that I really don't care for. He's OK with other people, but I just prefer not to be around him.

Once, somebody asked me what I thought of him and I responded, "He comes to work on time". Apparently that wasn't enough of an answer because this person kept asking and I kept repeating.

Being honest and candid is a good quality to have, but too much of anything is not good.

Unless you just like the shock effect, you can ALWAYS find a positive way to answer things that you would otherwise hurt somebodies feelings:

Q: Do these pants make me look fat?

A: I think you looked great in that skirt you wore the other day.

Q: Should I be a rocket scientist?

A: Maybe you should focus on something that works with your creative nature.

Q: Did dinner taste good?

A: I thought it was interesting how you mixed the ketchup with the macaroni...

Answer 4

I highly recommend reading the book "How to Win Friends and Influence People" by Dale Carnegie. It will teach you how to be tactful when dealing with other people, and show how you can get your point across without hurting someone's feelings. Many times it's not so much what you say as how you say it.  

Answer 5

One of the best guides I've found is to ask these three questions:  Is it true?  Is it kind?  Is it necessary?  When I can answer yes to all three, I'm acting or speaking appropriately.  It's not always easy, but it's very helpful.

Sometimes it's true but it may not be kind.  Sometimes it's kind and necessary, but it's not true.  When all three line up, though, I know I'm ready to act in the best interests of everyone involved.

Answer 6

It's easier to find that balance once one accepts the reality that the ideal of everyone never uttering a lie is a fantasy, it cannot ever work even in principle.  The very fact that you're conflicted about this already shows understanding and compassion on your part, what you are really struggling with is the impossible ideal of only speaking "the truth".  There are in fact countless examples in real life where speaking "only the truth" can not only do real damage, but can even be sadistic---and to top it off, what you PERCEIVE as the "truth" at the moment may not actually be, maybe you are misinformed because your source was faulty, or maybe your feelings are a bit colored at the moment, but could change at another time.

How to find the balance?  It's all about fairness.  You already understand what it is to be fair to people.  You just need to include yourself as someone else that you need to be fair to.  

Answer 7

No matter what it is you need to lie about, there's always a different side to your opinion. So say you don't like the way someone's dressed (really cliched example but I'm not very creative). Maybe instead of saying it out right, think about some good things about the clothing, maybe it suits their style? You can start off with the positives, then give a lighter version of the negatives, chances are, the person will laugh off the negatives, and think on them later when they aren't in public's eye.