How can people on this site possibly be anti-adoption even when it's a child from foster care?

Question

I just read 2 different answers to a question about adopting from foster care, and even then they were absolutely against it?

Has it occured to these people that just because they had bad adoption experiences, that doesn't give them the right to rob a truly deserving child of parents and a family?

Answer 1

We are adopting from foster care and I don't believe that my children maybe better off with staying in foster care, but surely not with their bio parents!  So, why wouldn't we take them in.  I can't believe the people who state that they should just stay in foster care and not be adopted to have their records sealed or whatever.  We have pictures up of bio families in our home, we don't hide the fact that we aren't / weren't the "first" mommy and daddy!  I am ALL for adoption in these cases.  Every child deserves a chance...even IF bio mommy and daddy can't support it / give it to them!

Answer 2

OMG the story Dory linked to is absolutly disgusting. It really takes a special kind of person to do that.

I am all for adoption through the system, as that is what I plan on doing, but I am also all for security checks, home checks, follow ups, everything that is done to PROTECT the children from dusgusting people like that one woman. I don't understand why the woman was never reported by school boards? what about the childrens dentists and doctors that took care of them while in the system, they never found it odd and made curtesy calls after the adoption when they stopped going for visits? I mean these were special needs children from what I gathered, where I live that is things that are followed up on regularly, almost annoyingly so.

Well that was off track, anyways I don't think people are against but like others have said they want change to how things are done.

Answer 3

Everyone is entitled to an opinion and this is the place to give your unvarnished opinion on everything and anything.

My advice, ignore the ignorant and just live your life.

Peace

Answer 4

I was adopted through foster care. I was placed with my parents at the age of 18 months and I was adopted when I was 4 years old. I feel that adoption is good, I'm not anti-adoption. What I want are reforms, meaning counseling for birth mothers to ensure that they are making a well-informed choice, understanding for the adoptive parent so that they understand their child, opening of birth records for those adotpees who wish to search. None of these things makes one anti-adoption and most on here are not anti-adoption. There are a few who are anti-adoption but they do not speak for the majority of us.

Answer 5

I've always believed in adopting, and hope to be able to adopt a child myself some day.

Answer 6

No, they have not thought about what good adoption can do.  They are narrow-minded, self-centered fools who care only about themselves and their ideas.

They stupidly assume that everyone experiences the same things they do.

Answer 7

i have always thought that the adoption expeirence is a good thing.

Answer 8

Are you talking about that young girl who was desperate to 'rescue' a child from a 'sad and lonely life', and all the while was crunching the numbers to figure out how much money she would make, and if it didn't work out, it would have been like a 'trial run'?  

No, I didn't think she was a good candidate for an already damaged child.  Where are those questions, anyway? Hmmm.  I happened to be one of those people that thinks foster kids deserve more than an immature, money-grubbing girl to call mother.

The kind of emotional damage that girl would have done to a child makes me shudder.  When I suggested that she volunteer for Big Brothers/Big Sisters to get an idea of what taking care of kids with disadvantaged backgrounds, she spewed lots of nastiness my way.  Now I'm not sure she is even qualified enough to be a babysitter.

I support adoption from foster care, usually 95%.  But there are exceptions, and she was waving lots of red flags for me.

Other reasons I'd be opposed have been nicely articulated by Justanotheradoptee.

Answer 9

How can anyone be anti-adoption AT ALL?

I have a 4 year old adopted son and he is the ultimate light of my life.

Answer 10

I'm all for foster care adoption - at least in the cases of those who aren't doing it for the money such as this woman:

http://www.cnn.com/2007/US/08/01/kids.ab...

I didn't realize that an expression of an opinion can rob a child of a family. Wow, that gives a lot of power to a faceless person on the internet.

Answer 11

Here, here. I'm with you 100%!!!!  You are d**n right. I always believed adoption to be a good thing.

Answer 12

some people are plain ignorant and selfish. It doesn't give them the right to do such a thing wether they had a bad experience with the process or the child is not what they thought he/she would turn out to be (i.e. older child acting out).

I feel that there are so many children out there need a loving home and parents who do want them. If only there were more people who were for adoptions than against it.

I have a 3 year old daughter of my own and when my husband and I have our own house, I plan on adopting children, even fostering as many as I can provide for.

Answer 13

i agree. all this negative stuff about adoption really upsets me. some birthmothers make the best choice they can at that moment in their life. thank you for being brave enought to ask this question. adoption can be a wonderful experience for everyone involved if everyone is sensitive to each person's needs and feelings.

Answer 14

Adoption can be a wonderful thing! When and if it is done properly.

Answer 15

I don't know if it's so much anti adoption as it's anti- loss of adoptee rights.

I'm all for adoption from foster care, but did you know that even if the adoptee is 171/2 their birth certificate will be changed and the original sealed away?

I think that maybe these "anti-adoption" folks you are referring to are really more "pro-adoptee" in that they'd just like to see more rights given to adoptees.  Quit changing the birth certificates, quit pretending that the original family doesn't exist, quit sealing our documents and denying us our truths.

I think if laws were changed to allow adoptees their full civil rights (and dignity), then you'd see everyone on board with foster-adoption.

It's not anti-adoption, it's just not wanting to see more kids losing their past to gain a future, kwim?

Answer 16

I really wish I knew what questions you are talking about because I have yet to see a truly anti-adoption stance from anyone here. What I do see is PRO ADOPTION REFORM standpoints!

So could you possibly link to the question you are referencing?

Answer 17

I believe in adopting from foster care.

Some people don't.

Last I checked, we were living in America and people are allowed to express their own opinions no matter what even if they differ from the majority.

How does it affect you if someone is against it?  It's a different opinion.  They are not telling you to feel that way.  They are just expressing the way they feel.  

Why is that a problem?

To express a different opinion is not an attack.

Answer 18

Hi Momof2!

What people mean is that there are better solutions than what is currently offered to children.  Nobody is saying that children should not be cared for.  On the contrary.  We are advocates, many of us with first-hand experience in the system, & we want MORE for the children.

We want all options explored before children are adopted to strangers.  Family placements should always be considered first.  It's better for the child in the long run to retain his/her sense of who she is & his/her origins.  We want better education for those entrusted with the handling of cases.  We want more understanding for adoptive parents in how raising adopted children is different from raising biological ones.  we want full rights, including open records, for the adult adoptees.

If you really listen to what people are saying, you will see that very few, if any, are truly anti-adoption, except in cases of infant adoption.  We are PRO-reforms!  Reforms are desperately needed.  Until these concerns are addressed, people are going to continue to speak up about it.  Please try to understand that what you perceive as "anti" is actually requests for improvements.  Try to see the reasons behind it.

Thank you for asking,

julie j

reunited adoptee

Answer 19

Personally I believe in adopting from foster care - these are the children who truly need homes.

Which answers are you referring to - perhaps  you have misunderstood.

Either way if people are anti-adoption, that's up to them.  Everyone has a reason for their views and diverse views seem to be widely accepted anywhere else but in regard to adoption!

Not everyone who cares about the fate of children destined for adoption have not had 'bad adoption experiences'  that label get's banded about just about as much as the 'anti-adoption' one.  It's just not accurate at all, just a distraction when people don't want to listen