How can someone show empathy towards one adoption story and not a similar one?

Question

I am very confused. I genuinely want to know how it is that people are able to show compassion in regard to one person's adoption story and yet act in an abusive manner when a very similar story is shared? What exactly makes one person's saga more worthy than another's?

Answer 1

Sounds like the people who are answering are just biased one way or another toward the poster. Because the answerer doesn't like you or the way you've answered questions in the past, s/he is being negative toward your story. It's unfair and stupid but some people can be very petty.

Answer 2

Judgmental attitudes have no prejudice...lol.  People who judge others, or who have specific ideas of what is right and wrong (oh, but, only when others do it) tend to have long lists of rules that make sense only to them.  No need to try to understand it...you probably can't anyway.

Answer 3

I think a great deal of it comes from the person telling the story and how they express their feelings with the tone in that story.

And part of it comes from the person listening to the story and their preconceptions or ideas about what should have been done or what they would have done instead.

Answer 4

Every adoption story is different.  No two adoptions are the same.  Of course, under those circumstances it only makes sense that one can empathy towards one story and not another, because both stories will be completely different.

I do not agree however, that someone should be abusive, no matter what the story is.   I can see someone getting a little rilled by the fact that every person that gives up a child for adoption, states nearly the same thing "I gave the baby up because I loved it so much".   Don't buy that for everyone, and never will.

There are hundreds of reasons why women give their baby up for adoption, some very sad and one feels compassion for them. Then there are others that you shake your head at and think,  what on earth was that woman thinking, how could she have done it for that reason.

Is that a good answer to your question.  It only makes sense doesn't it, that every adoption story is unique.  Please, do not call a person "abusive" because she does not go along with the reason SOME women give a baby up for adoption. Use your common sense and realize that not everybody is a loving person, and does certain things for loving reasons.

Answer 5

If you're referring to answers you've gotten here, there's no telling what people are thinking. You're talking to millions of total strangers here and who knows what or why someone in particular is feeling a certain way about anything. There's something about being totally anonymous that makes it very easy to say anything -- and of course, that means you also have to realize that the information given here can therefore be totally useless or harmful and it's up to you to filter out the difference between that and something genuine or beautiful. Either way I wouldn't use strangers' words to change your mind or even matter much.

Answer 6

Well Andraya, perhaps the "empathy" shown to other posters with similar stories isn't true "empathly" either.

It could be just a show to gain trust, acceptance, esteem, etc. in the forum.

Answer 7

i am a true believer that we all carry out own weight; and no other person can measure that load.

i often become irate when a person's pain is marginalized, dimimished, "sugar-coated" or percieved as "less important" by some outside entity.

unfortunately, i too have witnessed this. yet, what i find common is that those with adoption stories that fit well into the paradigm of the "happy-adoption", are lauded.  others, that don't fit so well, are marginalized.

many revolutions were fought and won, because people kept fighting for their truths to be authenticated.  in other words, we all should be able to tell our stories... without judgement.

Answer 8

It's hard to say without more info -- can you tell us more specifics of what happened?

Answer 9

Since I have no idea who is being abusive and what the 2 stories are (although I am guessing that one of them is yours), I would guess that it is more of a personal issue. That is, it is not the story they are reacting to so much as they are reacting to you (if indeed the 2nd story they are reacting negatively to is yours). This may be because of previous negative interactions. All very tenuous suppositions based on what you posted here.

Answer 10

Maybe they are mentally unbalanced or have dementia or something and don't remember reacting one way to one story and react differently the next time. Who knows - it's a strange world we live in.

Or maybe that person is just a mean nasty troll who has something out for you.

Answer 11

I don't get it either.  It could the answers.  It could be the individual themselves that is being attacked.  I do my best to show compassion and or empathy.  It doesn't always work though.  

I have learned to curb my temper and try to think things through.

Answer 12

It probably depends on which story a person can relate to more, and what kind of experiences or opinions they have.

Answer 13

I'm guessing but could it be that one person is perhaps a better writer that another? I have noticed that here. One person can tell a story better than another and instead of trying to see what the author is really trying to say people  jump on what has actually been left out or not so eliquently portrayed.

Answer 14

no one person's saga is more worthy than another. we as people all have our values,moral, and ideas based on who we are at this moment, where we came from and what we were taught.

it is up to every individual to become well rounded and open-minded.  if not then we carry a lot of bias and judgement.

keep this in mind: no person can tell another person how worthy or important they are or arent.  no person can tell another person their worth or value.  that is something that must start within. if you have it within no one can take it away with their negativity or judgement

:)

Jas

Answer 15

Yeah, seems kind of hypocritical to me.