How can we STOP arguing over stupid little things?

Question

I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years. I love him no question. We get on great when we go out, relax together, on holidays, even in bed! It is just the times when we are in a rush to go out for example that we bicker at each other. We misunderstand each other and it turns into an argument. I don't want to argue all the time over small stupid things - it makes me feel miserable and I don't want him to feel like that either. They are not even major opinion disagreements!

Does anyone have any advise to deal with these situations better? I have tried to do the "count-to-10-thing" but I never remember to do it in the situation!

Answer 1

Just say you want time out where none of you argue.  

Answer 2

Seems to me both of you are the laidback types - when there’s time to relax you’re fine with one another. However, any time you’re “in a rush”, there’s trouble. Arguements, opinions, disagreements are just symptoms of the issue - they might be showing that you (both) have problems with time management.

When you’re bickering, it’s just your (mutual) frustrations with deadlines spilling over into ‘safe’ areas - at one another. You need to deal with the basic issue, not it’s symptoms. Perhaps you could schedule your activities better. Like if either or both have to be at work in the morning, getting started shouldn’t be just 10-15 minutes before you should be there,  but at least an hour or two ahead.

Morning chores/breakfast/travel, all take time to complete that  we tend to forget about while we’re procrastinating, say in bed. One or other of you can become the go-getter each time - like keeping an eye on the clock - to ensure there’s no last-minute rush hence bickering hence misery, and you’re just as relaxed arriving at work (or wherever), as you are at play.

Answer 3

you have to walk away more often, make sure you say thats its not because you dont care but because you are emotional and don't want to hurt each other with sharp words

Answer 4

it is like that always with all of us. every thing need break u know even love.

Answer 5

i know what you mean by little arguments what you need to do is

agree with what he says because im sure you heard the saying theres always a woman behind every man, well you have to be the wise one in the relationship . realation ship is like good cop bad cop. even with kids that will work.

well my main answer is that you agree at times after some time he will understand he is unreasonable. hope ive helped.

Answer 6

I know exactly what you mean - useless arguements, over jack ****. I've ben married 3 months and happens often. I guess just be more organised and avoid arguements lol

Answer 7

Think forward.  It takes two to argue.  It is only an argument when the other person responds.  Do not retort.  Silence is a peaceful message.  

If this is a routine, break the cycle.  Find something independent to do until adverse thoughts dissolve.  Self enrichment is fulfilling, especially in moments of turmoil.  The change of direction can inspire a partner to move forward as well.

Listen for the signs of disagreement.  Have an alternative activity ready.  Listen for the silence.

Then suggest some mutual encriching learning opportunity.

Answer 8

plan ahead better so you arent in a rush?

Answer 9

in those stressful situations whe youre in a rush or whatever, and he does something to annoy you, you need to be able to recognise that its only annoying you because your stressed out and/or hes only doing it because hes all stressed out.

i know its really simplistic but if you can just stop and think that just before you say something to start the argument then you can totally avoid the whole thing.

obviously he needs to be able to do the same thing for it to work.