How can we convince her to come?

Question

My Fiance and I are having a baby in march and getting married next August! Paul has a 13 year old daughter from a previous relationship and we told her yesterday that we were having a baby and getting married! She seemed happy about the baby news but freaked about the wedding news!! Shes refusing to come ALREADY and Paul is quite annoyed about it. I don't really get on with her that well but I would like her to be there for his sake!! Any thoughts on how to make her come?

Answer 1

just give her some time. it is always a freaky thing for a parent to marry someone else. she will get over it just dont cram yourself down her throat  

Answer 2

If you just told her yesterday; I think you need to give her some time to digest all of this.  At 13, things can get pretty "dramatic".  She just needs time to adjust. She's going to have a new sibling AND

a step-mom.

Give her some time...

:-)

Answer 3

That's a tought spot you're in.  I say don't push the package.  If you force the issue then you run the risk of building up a lot of resentment and putting more strain on your relationship with her.  You've got plenty of time between now and the wedding to change her mind and develop your relationship.  Your fiance should talk to her mother and enlist her help convincing her to attend and/or participate. Having a baby also works in your favor.  She's going to want to help out with the new brother or sister so it's presents an opportunity for you to strengthen your bond with her.  Just tread carefully and gradually she'll come around.

Answer 4

You can't make her come but you could try to start establishing a better relationship with her now and maybe she won't be so resistant to it by the time it happens. Send her a card or letter and tell her that you are so glad to have her in your life and you look forward to getting to know her better. Also, you might try giving her a position of honor in the bridal party like junior maid of honor or something like that so that she feels included and special.  

Answer 5

She may be feeling that the wedding means that finally she has to let go of the hope that her parents would get back together.

try seeing if she can come to visit before the wedding, so that you two can get to know eachother.  

If she was hoping her parents could get back together, they need to talk to her about that.

Good luck, and congratulations!

Answer 6

That's his daughter why don't you try getting along with her for starters.

Answer 7

Sounds like you need to work on your relationship with her.  Make sure she gets to spend plenty of time w/ her dad one on one.  In the end, if you honestly tried to make amends with her and she still does not want to be there then that is her choice.  But don't hold it against her.  She may change her mind about you some day.

Answer 8

Just give her a little time and space.  The wedding is still a year away.  A lot can change for a 13 year old in that amount of time.  I wouldn't push the issue right now.

Answer 9

you can't it's her choice

Answer 10

understand that you are trying to reason with a moody, hormonal, 13 year old girl.  you are not going to be able to reason with her right now.  just let her alone and let it sit for a while.  besides that, try to reach out to her and make her feel included in your life.  she may be feeling that her father getting married is a form of abandonment and he will be dropping out of her life.  to her, you and that baby are a symbol of that abandonment.  

in the end of the day, she should not be forced to come to the wedding.  that will breed resentment.  just let her know that you will be proud to have her as a stepdaughter and you are welcoming her into her life.  once you say that though, you have to mean it.  actions speak louder than words and kids these days have very well developed BS detectors.  make sure that you are ready for the commitment.

Answer 11

"I don't really get on with her that well...."

And you wonder why she doesn't want to come to your wedding with her dad???????

You have a year to improve your relationship with this young lady.  It won't be easy, but remember, YOU ARE THE ADULT.  I don't know how to tell you to improve this relationship because I don't know enough details, but I'm sure you can figure out the things you need to do to get along with her.