How can we prepare for adoption that is several years away?

Question

My husband and I have decided in agreement that "someday" we would like to adopt a child. We would like to take a trip somewhere that is in need of foreign aid (such as Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie have) and adopt. However, we are not planning on initiating the legal process or taking a trip like that for 3-5 years. Can you think of any thing we need to do in the meantime that will make ourselves more likely to be able to adopt, or more ready for the process?

Also, how much money will we need for the international adoption process?

Answer 1

I, too, donate money to charities that help children overseas. However, once a child is in an orphanage sending money won't give them back their parents. It might not even keep them alive. I see nothing wrong with doing both things - contributing to charities and adopting a child who needs a home.  Just make sure that you're adopting a child who truly is in need of a home - it's usually best to focus on older children since because they can tell their own story, you're less likely to be lied to.

What you can do right now is start researching. Look at different countries and agencies and try to determine how ethical their programs are.  Look at why children are generally placed in care in those countries.  Research on the internet for stories of corruption in those countries, or with those agencies. Spend time at websites like http://ethicanet.org/itemlist.php?pagest... and http://informedadoptions.com/ethicanet.o...

Read books or articles by adult transracial adoptees. Network to find people with first hand experience so you can actually speak to some.  My mother came to America as a war refugee when she was eleven years old.  She has been called upon by lots of acquaintances to speak to paps thinking of adopting from her country.  She's been able to tell them what the adjustment was like and how to help - with language issues, customs, food, etc.  It has been her pleasure to hook these parents up with the local immigrant community from her country, who really welcome and treasure those children.

Answer 2

The best "teacher" to help you prepare is by reading adoptee blogs - whether they have reunited or not.

http://notsocalm.wordpress.com

http://sisterheping.wordpress.com

http://twicetherice.wordpress.com

http://heartmindandseoul.typepad.com

The TRA (TransRacial Adoptee) experience is extremely helpful to make you realize what you're really in for - beyond the fairy tale adoptions. It is not just about getting a child that you want. That child will be asking questions, possibly as young as 2 years old, and you're going to need to be prepared. There are all sorts of other factors.

Talk to first moms, or, as you might say "birth" mother. Let them tell you about their experiences, and you might get an idea of what they *really* go through.

This is not meant to scare you - only to make you realize that not all adoptions are about rainbows and puppies.

Answer 3

If you want to do something for children that need help, why not start now and donate to programs that help children so they can remain in their country.  

Answer 4

Read. Read. Read.

Open your heart and mind - and really READ what adoptee's have to say.

Especially those that have been born and adopted from O/S.

Here's a good place to start - a blog by a Korean adoptee.

http://harlowmonkey.typepad.com/harlows_...

(she has oodles of links to other blogs, websites and books)

If you find yourself disagreeing with what she writes - please don't adopt.

An adoptee needs parents that will love them unconditionally - and allow them to know and love where they came from and those people that will always be a part of them.

An adoptee didn't ask to be separated from his/her family/country/culture/language.

Don't ever ask them to be grateful for that which they had no choice over.

Answer 5

Unless you're famous you can't just 'take a trip' and pick up a kid. I'm not sure that is even what Angelina Jolie/Brad Pitt did either. You could if you wanted take a long trip to the area and travel there before you went to the place where the child was. It is not as easy as taking a vacation and choosing a child, from the question it sounds like that is what you want to do:)

You sign up with an agency, complete background checks, interviews, parenting classes, home study approval, pay agency fees, etc. Then you are given access to list of children that are available for adoption. You may be able to see info on the kids before all that is completed but you can't 'pick' one before that. If you choose a child then there is generally a bunch of paperwork that needs to be completed with home country and USA before you can get visas to travel and pick up the child.

Maybe first learn how international and other adoptions work. Figure out what you will need to do financially and in other ways to be able to afford the fees, time commitment required for certain countries (some require you to travel for a few weeks to complete the process) etc. I guess just look at different adoption agencies and research adoption in general, learn about reactive attachment disorder and other psychological or physical issues that are common in children available for adoption overseas. Decide what issues you would be able to deal with, what you couldn't ie- if RAD is too difficult maybe only adopt from a country where you could get an infant to lessen the chances of that, etc. In general I guess just make sure your finances, housing, work, personal situations are pretty stable?

I think the cost varies by program/agency you use and country you adopt from. Maybe between $10,000- $30,000?

Answer 6

There are thousands of children in the US who need good homes....I know they don't come with the international 'look' but they do come with lots of love and hugs and wonderfulness. The fact is, if you are trying to help children in poverty, there are far better ways to do so. For instance: It costs from 25,000-60,000 to adopt an international child. Do you know how many children can be fed, vaccinated, given clothing, a house, an education, be allowed to stay with their parents, etc. on that amount of money? Frankly, if you have that kind of money, adopt from US foster care (free--tax payed) and invest in orgs that do good work with no overhead....such as www.Kiva.org, www.nothingbutnets.net, etc.

I know there are tons of good IAP's out there...and this is not an assualt on you....it is a suggestion for anyone wanting to adopt 'like brad and angelina'.

<<adoptive mommy through foster care.

<<international orphanage aid worker--Ghana, Russia, Ukraine, Poland, and S Africa.