How can you ask for cash instead of wedding gifts without being rude or tacky?

Question

We are getting married in december, we have been together for about 4 years and have lived together for the last 7 months. We already have our home together we even have a baby together and another on the way so we really don't need things for the house. We would prefer getting money so we can put it towards the down payment on our new home but how can we put that to guests without sounding rude or tacky?

Answer 1

My brother had the same problem. DO NOT REGISTER anywhere, that should give your guests the idea that you dont want gifts - just cash. Good luck & congratulations!!!!!!!!!

Answer 2

There is no way to tell your guests what to give you as a gift while being tactful. Gifts should not be mentioned on the invitations whatsoever, and the only time you should tell people your preference is when you are asked. Also, doing anything at a wedding that suggests the guests spend even more money on the couple than what they already have is also very tacky and rude. This includes money trees, dollar dances, auctions/raffles, and what ever else some tacky person comes up with. The reason these are against etiquette is because your guests should not feel obligated to spend more money on you after they've already given a gift, drove to the wedding with the outrageous cost of gas, and possibly even spent money on an outfit for the wedding. Bottom line, you may let your guests know by word-of-mouth your gift preference (again, let the guests ask you), but let that be the end of it.  

Answer 3

If your family isn't easily offended, why do you care if it sounds rude or tacky?  Why not just print on the invitation in big letters, "don't bother with a gift - we want cash?"  

Answer 4

Hi

I suppose it depends on where you live and your culture, with the types of responses here so far?

It looks like your tradition can be lending to a dollar dance, acceptance of money giving request etc.

In Australia it is not offensive to ask for money rather than gifts but mostly they way you express it in the written word. If expressed nicely your request will never offend anyone. If it does, then those people should seriously think about not attending the wedding.

I have been to many weddings where there is a registry or money being asked for and I have never been offended. I genuinely like to see the happy couple get something they want then rather something bought on a whim or from a bargain bin, which some people tend to do.

Our wedding is somewhat like yours and we have nicely asked people to put a little something (should they wish) in our treasure chest. We have also stated that their presence is our present. We have also made it plain and clear that the day is all about celebrating our wedding day with those we have invited.

Good luck and I hope it goes well for you both.

Cya

:)

Answer 5

Hi.  Here is your question...How can you ask for cash instead of wedding gifts without being rude or tacky?

Answer:  You can't.  I am not being mean, but you simply can't.

It IS rude to ask for money.

Don't do the money tree either.  PLEASE!  Re-read your own question.  It sounds like you are having a fundraiser instead of a wedding.

Asking for money?  A money tree?  And a dollar dance?  Geez....inform your guests to load up their wallets before they come.

EDIT:  You can search and search, but there won't be much for "creative ways" to say this because it is rude.  No one is going to publish a cute poem or saying about asking for money.  Period.

If you insist:

"We have everything.  We don't want your gifts.  Give us money so we can buy a house."

Answer 6

Dollar dances are as tacky as the day is long; yet that never stops people from doing them.

There is no way to say we only want money without looking like a greedy little monster.

The only semi polite way is to have your mom, FMIL and every family member trained to say "She and future hubby have everything you can imagine" and hope the people take the hint.

However since you obviously have no concern about being tacky you can just have them say "bring cash or stay home"

Answer 7

Depends on your relatives.  I wanted to do the same thing at my wedding, but my wife and I decided that no matter how we put in there that cash is acceptable, it seemed tacky.

Most if not ALL single guys would rather give $50, than spend time to find a $30 gift....

Answer 8

No it's not tacky,

Have a MONEY TREE at the reception! You place it on a table at the door so as people enter they see that money is a good thing to give out, Provide little envelopes to put the cash in and they can write their names on it so you can see who provided what for your thank you cards that you'll send out later.

You can have your cake and eat it too.

Gifts are bought before the wedding, cash is brought to the wedding

Don't look at it as being tacky or greedy, It's a BLESSING.

Good luck to you on your wonderful day!

Answer 9

say this. "I don't want any presents this year, I want money, thank you."

Answer 10

You can't -- there is no way to ask for money instead of gifts without sounding rude or tacky.

Answer 11

Here is an excellent article about the sticky subject of asking for money.

http://weddings.about.com/od/weddingregi...

Congrats and I truly hope it helps!

Answer 12

You can't. It is rude and tacky.

Everyone asks this question and the answer is still the same.

If you are expected 1000 plus at your wedding, then you run the risk of offending people and having them give you nothing.

Just don't register and people will get the hint.

Answer 13

Of the many weddings that I've attended through the years, the majority of guests usually walk in with an envelope.  Count on less than 5% walking in with a wrapped gift.  Asking is both rude and tacky!

Answer 14

put this on your invite

We would prefer getting money so we can put it towards the down payment on our new home

no one will be offended, if you need money you need money! It will probably relieve them that they won't have to stress over thinking of something to get you

Answer 15

you can set up a honeymoon site so that guests contribute to that. Don't include too many options and most of it will come to you as cash!! My friend has done this recently.

honeymoney.co.uk is one such service. there are loads of different ones.

Answer 16

I can relate I am getting married also, and would prefer money over gifts I was thinking of saying on my thank you for coming cards, although your presence is what we will appreciate the most a wishing well will be available for anyone whom would like to give monetary gifts. Something along those lines I stillhaven'tt worked it all the way out but I thought maybe it could help you.

Answer 17

Completely agree with most of the people above.  There is no way to avoid looking rude or tacky about asking for money.

Don't put anything on the wedding invitation and if people are worried about what you are looking for they will call either you or your parents - or whoever the RSVP is to.  They can explain what your wishes are.

Some people put a "wishing well" card in with their invitation which has a poem or something on it.  If you want to put something on the invitation or on a seperate card try these links for some ideas - there are some quite polite and nice ways of putting it:

http://mag.weddingcentral.com.au/wedding...

http://www.diyinvitationsensation.com/Wi...

http://www.thepapercafe.com.au/images/PD...

http://au.answers.yahoo.com/question/ind...

http://www.kardella.com/invitation_wordi...

http://www.brideinthecity.com.au/article...

Answer 18

You can't.

Lucky you, you have everything you need. So you don't register and tell everyone you have everything you need.

You don't get a cash bonus for shacking up.

Answer 19

First of all, do NOT register for a honeymoon if you're not going to use the money on the honeymoon.  THAT'S tacky.  There's nothing wrong with PREFERRING cash gifts over a registry.  There a few ways to set it up so that's what you get.  Set up a small registry (with 1,000 guests [yikes!], it could practically be as large as you want), so that gifts "run out".  Your guests will see that the items you chose have already been bought, and the alternative is cash or gift cards.  Hopefully, they won't say, hey, I didn't see a blender on their registry, let's get them that!  If you haven't already set up a website, set one up now.  It's a great way to provide info about the wedding, the reception, hotels for out-of-town guests, and you can introduce the wedding party.  Then, in a discrete way, include the fact that all cash gifts will go towards a down payment on your house.  Then, your guests will be able to help you towards your goal, and not just giving you cash (a so-called impersonal, thoughtless gift).  And of course, the easiest way to get what you want is have your close family spread the word (tactfully).  

Answer 20

Unfortunately there is no way to ask for money instead of gifts without being tacky.  When you have a wedding you should really just want your family and friends to share one of the most important days of your life.  I personally do not like when couples get married and expect guest to give money.  Don't get me wrong I think it is appropriate for guest to give money but I don't want it to be expected because why spend money to have a wedding if you just want people to give you money back? But part of me understands why you want the money, but I suggests that you appreciate all the gifts that you do receive and return them if you need to, but to ask people for money is tacky because they are going to think that's the only reason why you are having a wedding and that will definitely turn people off.

Answer 21

It is extremely tacky to ask for gifts or money, especially if you guys have already been living together and have a child and another on the way.  People give gifts and money to help the newly wed couple start out and to cover the cost of the food for the wedding, etc.   Just be appreciative to receive what ever you receive.  You can always take the gifts back to the store and get the money that way.  

Answer 22

There's really no tactful way to ask for money.  The only suggestion I can give you is to not make a registry anywhere, or register for very little.  

Most people won't bring a gift to a wedding, anyway, especially if they have to travel.  Who wants to drive four hours in a car with a twelve-piece wine glass set perched on the backseat?  Many guests who will not be attending will send a card and a monetary gift, as well.

You will probably still end up getting gifts from well-meaning guests.  They'll think that if they get you something creative, something not on your registry, you'll appreciate their originality.  If you absolutely hate it, return it to the store -- the store will probably give you a merchandise credit for it, but maybe you can use that to buy something fun for your new baby!

(Oh, but definitely don't forget the Thank You notes!)

Answer 23

That is the lowest thing I have ever heard of you should grateful for the gifts.  It is the tackiest of tack things to ask

Answer 24

Not many people give out wedding presents these days, so it may not be necessary. When I had my wedding, only 1 person brought a gift, the rest were money gifts. They did it all on their own. The Bridal shower took care of the gifts, so everybody brought money to the wedding.