How can you cheer me up?

Question

You got any jokes or funny stories for me.

I am feeling a bit upset and lonely today

Answer 1

Hi Happy Days,



Can you still laugh.? ?.

A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets , as a man approached she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her.Without blinking an eyelid she said " Sir I need to see your ticket not your stub ".

  Do you feel better or have I wasted my time ?

Answer 2

Well, I don't know about you but the day is almost over here. Hope the rest of the week is happier for you.

Here's a joke I found earlier:

A young woman goes into the doctor's office for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he notices a red "H" on her chest. "How did you get that mark on your chest?" asks the doctor. "Oh, my boyfriend went to Harvard and he's so proud of it that he never takes off his Harvard sweatshirt, even when we make love," she replies.

A couple of days later, another young woman comes in for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he notices a blue "Y" on her chest. "How did you get that mark on your chest?" asks the doctor. "Oh, my boyfriend went to Yale and he's so proud of it that he never takes off his Yale sweatshirt, even when we make love," she replies.

A couple of days later, another young woman comes in for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he notices a green "M" on her chest. "Do you have a boyfriend at Michigan?" asks the doctor.

"No, but I have a girlfriend at Wisconsin. Why do you ask?"

Answer 3

Two guys go camping, one of the young teenagers wander too clsoe to the ledge of what was a water fall and falls over it, the other guy calls the police/ambulance, "hi my friend just fell over a water fall what do i do!?", he says, OK we'll send help,' , OK where are you,? valley ways", OK were coming, but first, are you sure hes not dead?, he puts the phone down and you here a gun go off, 'OK now what?'.  the end  hope you feel happier, good luck.

Answer 4

Hi, sorry your feeling down. THis story is a true one. I was going to medical assisting school in downtown Pittsburgh. We had to wear all white uniforms. I was walking down the street to get my friend at her school when I felt something wet hit my head. I looked up and just passed it off as rain water dripping from the building. I walk into my friends school and she looks at me with this look of horror on her face, and I said What! She said look at your uniform. Here a pigeon **** on my head and the front of my white uniform! I had to ride the public bus home, so I ran to the bathroom and cleaned up the best I could. We still laugh about that today. This happened 20 yrs. ago. Hope I cheered you up some.  Danielle (:

Answer 5

*Air Hug*

lol

Answer 6

Would you like half of my pie?

Answer 7

Ok. So two blondes were going to Disney World. The Exit Sign said, "Disney Land Left." They both started crying and went home!

Answer 8

I don't know if this will be good to read so say it out loud to yourself to get the full effect lol. But this little baby here is my favourite joke:

What do you call a man with no shin?

Tony.

:P Enjoy and I hope you feel better soon.

Answer 9

LiketoLaugh.com will have something to cheer you up.  Videos, audio clips, jokes, pictures, etc.

http://www.liketolaugh.com

Answer 10

Go on youtube....always guaranteed a laugh!

Answer 11

I think you might have to turn it up. Is anybody out THERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!...

Answer 12

I Have one, a foreign boy came to a new school, and went up to the teacher, the teacher said, go and learn 3 new english words, so he set off, to an airport, and saw the word take-off, he went to an animal park, and saw the word zebra, and went to a hospital, and saw the world baby, so he went back to his new school, and the teacher asked him what new words he learnt, and he said, take-off zebra baby! LOL

GET IT? take off the bra baby!

Answer 13

  just  think  about  somethings  you've  done  fun  with  your  friends  or  start  singing  happy  songs...............

Answer 14

After getting all of Pope Benedict's luggage loaded into the limo, and He

doesn't travel light, the driver notices that the Pope is still standing on

the curb

'Excuse me, Your Holiness,' says the driver,

'Would you please take your seat so we can leave?'

'Well, to tell you the truth,' says the Pope, 'they never let me drive at

the Vatican , and I'd really like to drive today.'

'I'm sorry but I cannot let you do that. I'd lose my job!

And what if something should happen?' protests the driver, wishing

he'd never gone to work that morning.

'There might be something extra in it for you,' says The Pope.

Reluctantly, the driver gets in the back as the Pope climbs in behind the

wheel. The driver quickly regrets his decision when, after exiting the

airport, the Pontiff floors it, accelerating the limo to 105 mph.

'Please slow down, Your Holiness!!!' pleads the worried driver, but the

Pope keeps the pedal to the metal until they hear sirens. 'Oh, dear God,I'm

gonna lose my license,' moans the driver.

The Pope pulls over and rolls down the window as the cop approaches,

but the cop takes one look at him, goes Back to his motorcycle, and gets

on the radio.

'I need to talk to the Chief,' he says to the dispatcher.

The Chief gets on the radio and the cop tells him that he's stopped a

Limo going a hundred and five.

'So bust him,' says the Chief.

'I don't think we want to do that - he's really important,' said the Cop.

The Chief exclaimed, 'All the more reason!'

'No, I mean really important,' said the cop.

The Chief then asked, 'Who have you got there, the Mayor?'

Cop: 'Bigger.'

Chief: 'Governor?'

Cop: 'Bigger.'

'Well,' said the Chief, 'Who is it?'

Cop: 'I think it's God!'

Chief: 'What makes you think it's God?'

Cop: 'He's got the f**ing Pope as a chauffeur!'  

Answer 15

Mr Cadbury and Miss Rowntree met on a Double Decker,

it was After Eight. She was from Quality Street, he

was a Fisherman's Friend. On the way they stopped at a

Yorkie Bar, he had a Rum and Butter, she had a Wine

Gum.

He asked her name, "Polo, I'm the one with the hole"

she said. "I'm the one with the nuts," he thought!

Then he touched her Milky Way. They checked in to a

hotel, and went straight to the bedroom. Mr Cadbury

turned out the light for a bit of Black Magic. It

wasn't long before he slipped his hand into her

Snickers and felt her Cream Egg. He fondled her Flap

Jacks then he showed her his Curly Wurly and Tic Tacs.

Miss Rowntree wasn't keen to have any Jelly Babies, so

she let him take a trip down Bourneville Boulevard via

her Party Ring. He was quite pleased as he always

fancied a bit of Fudge. It was a magic moment as she

let out a scream of Turkish Delight. When he pulled

out, his fun size Mars Bar felt a bit Crunchie. She

wanted more, but he needed Time Out, however, he

noticed her Pink Wafers looked very appetizing. He did

a Twirl, had a Picnic in her Sherbet Dip and finished

off by giving her a Gob Stopper!

Unfortunately, Mr Cadbury then had to go home to his

wife, Caramel. Sadly he was soon to discover he had

VD. It turned out Miss Rowntree had been with Bertie

Basset who apparently had Allsorts!

Answer 16

This will make you smile:-

A manager brings a dog into a nightclub to work. The dog is a brilliant piano player. He plays all the standards. He's sitting there, pounding out the tunes, when all of a sudden; a big dog comes in and drags him out.

The nightclub owner asks, "What happened?"

The manager says, "That's his mother. She wants him to be a doctor."