How can you say no to someone you love (who NEEDS you), even though you know it will cause you resentment?

Question

Hypothetically speaking, what would you do in this situation;

A very-long-time friend of your's needed you to babysit their kid while they go out of town for a week. They have no one else that they trust in town besides you. Their trip out of town is not mandatory or pressing, but they're choosing to leave for a week anyway. They don't intend to pay you for babysitting, and honestly -- you have wayyy TOO MUCH on your plate as it is already.

You feel guilty for saying no to such a good friend, but at the same time you know that if you accept the responsibility of caring for their kid for a week, you will most likely resent it (and them) very much since your friend is WELL aware of how busy and hectic your life is lately.

Would you say no to your friend, even though you owe them a favor -- plus you're the only one they trust and they'll feel utterly disappointed -- or would you do it anyway and risk ruining your friendship because you are too stressed out already and don't want another obligation?

I'm torn.. =/

Answer 1

If they know you have a busy and hectic schedule..and asked you to watch their kids for them anyway...more than likely, they trust you more than anyone else to watch their kids (it does take a lot of trust to leave your children with someone else - especially for that long!)! You should feel flattered because it means a lot to parents when they have someone else they can trust with their kids!

EDIT**

Everyone elses answers are as if it is a last minute request..if that were so (just so your friend could have a nice vacation) then I would tell her no because of other plans - sorry...

If this happens to be last minute due to an emergency...then no matter what I would do my best to help my friend and her children!****

A week isn't that long if you put things into perspective...how long will these people care for their children (years?)...How long did your parents care for you (years?)...When you have children of your own (assuming you would want them one day..), how will you feel when you need someone to care for your children for a week...what if they said 'No' , simply because they didn't want to?

It seems like a lot to ask of a person, but if their is a bond (friendship, family) and a trust then it's a little easier...

I have a son of my own, I would not allow (or trust anyone else) but my mother to care for him for that amount of time...if she were unavailable then I would ask my best friend - but no one else! If neither could do it then I would cancel my plans...and yes, my feelings would be hurt if my best friend didn't do watch my son just because she didn't want to! After all that we had been through and all the things we had done for each other...I would start to wonder if she really were my best friend or not!

On the other hand, if she simply couldn't because she had to work and could not be there for him when he was out of school - then I probably wouldn't even ask her!

A week is a small measure of time compared to a lifetime of friendship! And besides that, she would owe you BIG time! And probably be happy to repay the favor! :)

I am a little biased by this question, I happen to care for my disabled mother 24 hrs of every day for the rest of her life (unless I can no longer care for her and she has to be put in a nursing home)...this compared to one week in my shoes is a breeze! I sometimes resent the fact that I do care for my mother, but you know what, if the tables were turned and she had to care for me in the same way - she would, without question! How many people in your life could you say that about and really trust and believe that? For me, not too many! So maybe try to think of what life is like for others to put things into a little bit different perspective...we can complain about our choices and our lives or we can make the best of it and do the best we can on our way...!

And to finish answering your question, Yes, I would care for my friends kids (so long as I could be available to them and my work schedule did not conflict with school or daycare etc.,)...They could either visit and be sociable with me or I could stand to wait a week and watch them instead if my friend trusted me enough to ask me...because it can be a difficult thing to leave your kids with other people! And no matter what, I would feel flattered that my friend thought so much of me to ask me! If I simply was unable to care for her children because of work or school then I would thank her first for thinking of me in this way,...and then I would graciously decline and explain that my work/school schedule can not be changed or worked around for that week....

What ever you decide to do about this situation just be sure to be careful as to not insult your friend or cause her to question your friendship! Good luck!

***Sorry the edited part should be at the end but I don't really feel like deleting it and retyping it! LOL!***

Answer 2

Easy.

Say you'll do it and then lose one of the kids. They'll never ask you to babysit again.

Seriously though. Tell them no, explain why. If they have a problem with that, how good of friends could they possibly be?

Answer 3

You have to say no! If she's such a good friend you dont want to feel resentful for fdoing such a favor for such a good friend later and you'll end up feeling worse in the long run. Sometimes you have to put you first and she will just have to except the fact that you have too much to deal with at this time to look after her kids for a week. Besides she wants someone who will be able to focus all their attention on her children at this time and at this time you cant be that person. Be sympathetic and if she's ur friend she'll understand and love you the same.

Answer 4

If this person is a real friend they should discuss things like this with you ahead of time and not throw it on you last minute. If they are your friend they will understand if you tell them that you are very busy at the time. Also they should always pay you in some way for helping them out so much, it is taking advantage of you otherwise. If they get mad and don't want to be Friends with you anymore because you tell them that there is no way you can do it you are too busy then, they really are not your friend but only trying to take advantage of you helpful ways. As for you owing them a favor, did you tell her ahead of time that this would be her repayment? Did you understand at the time that you would be doing this for her as a repayment for her favor? If not then you should just say that you know that you owe a favor and that the favor still stands but it has to be something that is agreed upon ahead of time.