How can you stop torturing yourself when you did something stupid and ruined your life?

Question

I can't forgive myself for somethng I did a few years ago, because I'm scared that I'm either stupid or crazy. I can't stop torturing myself. I love my best friend, and I keep wondering if everything would have worked out if I had done things differently, and I'm scared I've lost him forever. We met in college, when I was studying aborad in his country. We became best friends, and spent all our time with each other, but that's it, we were just friends. Then, I returned to the US, graduated from college, and a year later I went down to Mexico to visit him. We spent lots of time together, and he asked if we could be more than friends. I had really fallen for him by then. I didn't reject him, and I don't even remember what I said, but I really liked him as more than a friend and wanted to eventually return to Mexico. But I was scared that if I got into a long distance relationship with him, it would ruin our friendship. I returned to the US, and we talked on Messenger every night and for awhile it was like we were in a relationship. he knew that I wanted to return to Mexico to live eventually. I was without a computer for a long time, and I had access to email... and for several months I went with no news from him, but last fall I was on messenger again and found out that he has a serious girlfriend. He never said anything to me about it before...

What makes me crazy, is wondering if things would have worked out if I had done things differently. I am so scared that I am going to be single the rest of my life because of a stupid mistake and it's torturing me to madness to know that I could have had a true and lasting love. I know in my heart that he's meant for me, and that I can never love anyone else. Even if there were some other guy, I doubt that I will ever have the chance to study in Mexico for a substantial amount of time again. I'm 29, and time is running out, and there won't be chances to meet anyone else. I wish and wish I could have another chance. What is wrong with me that when I made this terrible mistake, I didn't realize I was ruining my life?

Have I lost him for good? He still thinks of me as a best friend and says that he cares about me so much and it would kill him to lose my friendship. There will never be anyone else as special to me as he is and I keep wishing and wishing I could go back in time.

Why am I so stupid?

Answer 1

have you ever heard the expression, dont put all your eggs in one basket? thats what your doing with this guy, you are experiencing love in one of its many forms. you long for him but cannot be with him. this doesn't mean you will NEVER have him or get the chance to be with him. your 29, silly for you to think its the end of the road, your still young. who knows, you may walk outside tomorrow and find the love of your life. you have to keep your chin up and if he really loves to be with you, he will. if he has found someone else, there is nothing you can do, you just have to keep putting yourself out there and see what happens. your not stupid, just love struck. put a little time under your belt and you will look back and understand it all, but for now, keep contact with him, be forward with him, if he wants you, he will let you know. good luck

Answer 2

Have you ever heard"things happen for a reason?" There is someone else out there for you. Trust that this is so and go live your life. You will be fine.

Answer 3

Well first, your not stupid. Sure something might of happend with him, but if it didn`t, its cuz it wasn`t meant to be. You should try to focus on other stuff in your life (profession, friends,family), and the right guy will come. Stop torturing yourself. Long terms relashionship hardly works anyway. It is completely possible for you to love again. So go out, and meet new ppl!

good luck!

Answer 4

You are obsessing over what could have been and therefore limiting any what could be. Life is not over at 29 and you don't sound emotionally mature enough to handle a relationship right now. Be glad you have the friendship. talk to a counselor

Answer 5

Wishful thinking will never get you anywhere...my mom used to say that to me.  

First of all stop beating yourself up about.  What happened has happened and you can live in the past forever and be miserable or live in the present time.  Learn from your mistakes instead of beating yourself up.  You said you were scared...so the next time even if you are scared (unless the person is a horrible person)  give the friendship/relationship a chance.  Then if it doesnt work out at least you wont have any regrets because you know that you gave it an effort.  

You do have chances to meet someone else its just that you are so focused on this person and what happened so long ago you cannot seem to move on.  Try focusing on something else.   Spend time with your other friends you never know who you will meet.  Do something for someone else who needs help more than you, that way you are not focused on the past and this person.

I don't know if this person is for your or not, but don't stop lliving because of something that happened years ago otherwise your will be miserable for all your life wondering "What if?  What if?  What if?"

If he is to come back in your life it will happen.  You may run into him somewhere unexpectedly, you never know.  

It's ok to hope either way,  but whatever you do don't stop living.  You are not a stupid person.  You're as normal as they come.  Believe me, I've been thru the exact same thing.