How close should a guy be with his mom?

Question

My future husband's mother is near perfect, and he and I both know this. However, despite the perfection, their mother-son relationship sometimes seems like it's a bit too close for comfort.

There have been a couple times where we've all been sitting on the couch watching TV at his parents house and he and his mother started cuddling; he put his head in her lap and she ran her fingers through his hair, rubbing his head.

Other things that make me a bit wary is when he stops at his mom's some mornings (if he's out on her side of town working) knowing she'll prepare a big breakfast for him- this once happened 3 times in one week. He'll also drop laundry off there and pick it up; talk to his mom about certain problems we might be having; have her help him with his taxes and call her when he is sick to ask her "what he might have." He also told me he whispered in her ear when they were dancing at his sister's wedding, "Mom, no one will ever take your place." (We got engaged a week before his sister's wedding).

Don't get me wrong, I'm all for a mother-son relationship, but he'll be 30 years old next year. And, I know I'm not as domestic as I should be, but I work a 40 hour week too. I keep the house clean, I cook him dinners when I'm not working late and fold his laundry whenever I can.

I keep telling him to cut the cord, but he says he's not using her and that she "genuinely enjoys doing things for me," which I truly believes she does. My fiance appreciates it. Plus, I mean - he's her son - she loves him.

How should I handle this? If he can't leave his mom behind now, what's it going to be like once we're married?

I've already tried talking to him about it, but he clearly doesn't see the problem. He tells me that it's just me not being confident in myself.

Answer 1

for him being 30...that's odd that he let her run her fingers through his hair...my b/f calls his mom when he's sick and stuff like that too...i don't know about it sometimes...frankly, it kind of makes me wonder what it was like when he was at home still...he tells her stuff i would never tell my mom...it bothers me...i've tried talking to him about it before and he just gets mad and defensive of his mom.  I told him i don't feel like i can compete with her for his attention sometime, like it's a losing battle...that kind of helped...you definately need to talk to him about how you feel before you tie the knot...if she baby's him that much still, she isn't going to back down now.