How come my bfs mom doesn't like me?

Question

My bf and i have been together for 2 yrs and i am pregnant with a baby girl due on august 10th and my bfs mom doesn't like me at all. she is always making comments like you should of waited till marriage or why aren't you married yet. The baby need both parents. I am sick and tired of her comments and how do i tell her to back off. I want her involved with her granddaughter but not if she is going to be disrespectful towards me. My bf is telling me to back off and giving his mom time. I think i have given her enough time i am not sure what to say to her.

Answer 1

She may just have traditional values in mind and expected her son to get married before having a family and she is just having a hard time dealing with him not getting married first so she is taking it out on you.  If she didn't really like you at all she wouldn't be trying to push the marriage issue she would be trying to push you out of his life for good.

Answer 2

WOW! Same problem here. LOL! Been together almost 4years, preggers with baby girl due Spet. 20th. Hmmm....I think she may mean well, its just she has a problem expressing it correctly. She doesnt sound too mean (Ive heard worse), but you should probably sit down with your BF and let him know how uncomfy you feel with his moms comments. I think she is thinkn about herself and what people will think of you guys since you arent married (yet). I know, who cares? but she's being selfish. Dont rush marriage esp. when you have another lifealtering situation about to happen too. Give yourself time and you're right! Tell her to back off. YOU GUYS get to decide when you get married. She probably does need time to get used to you being permanent in her sons life, but she needs to realize its her SONS life. Not hers. Good luck ma ma! Wait till aug 14 (thats my bday) LOL!

Answer 3

Yeah,.....a piece of "legal" paper shouldnt make two people "more" committed...

I dont believe two people SHOULD or HAVE to be married to have a family..Why would any 2 people's love change just bc they had a legal paper and sharing the same last name?

Answer 4

well she may b more conservitive and wanting u and him 2 b stable and everything b4 he has a kid, since its alot of responiblity. but i  agree with ur bf though i would just wait untill the baby comes, she will come around then, after all she will want 2 spend time with her grandbaby!! lol. i would just try 2 b calm with her and jus try 2 ignore her. and congrats on ur pregnancy! :]

Answer 5

You boyfriends mom sounds like she'd rather have you two married and shes probably old fashioned and believes that marriage becomes before kids. I would tell i know we did thing not they way you wanted it but we are good parents and we want you involved. we plan on getting married but not right now. So please just support us in raising our daughter your beautiful granddaughter. My husbands mom has tried to get rid of me for the past 5 yrs. We just got back together after a seperation and i am pregnant myself. She wouldn't try to push you to get married if she didn't like you so consider yourself lucky.

Answer 6

It just appears that she is one that prefers tradition.  

And she is partially right.  Not that I am saying you are wrong; but financially its better if you are married.  Being married gives you quite a few tax cuts for both marriage and for kids.  But you should have much better reasons for getting married than this.

But you have been together 2 years; that's a rather long commitment.  I assume you like the guy.  And while its not the curse it once was, being born to a mother out of wedlock can still get some of those stares and what have you.

I don't think she dislikes you as bad as it sounds.  She is suggesting tying yourself to her son after all.  If she didn't like you, she'd probably be trying to push you out of his life, not tie you to it.  I think its more to do with just tradition and her morality (probably Bible-based); she wants her granddaughter to be in a more stable home.

Again, I am not saying you can't provide a stable home just because you aren't married.  But that is probably how she is seeing it, so that is why she is pressing it.  Its not as bad as it looks to you.

Nevertheless, if marriage is not going to happen, this needs to stop.  And for better or worse, you are "married" in your heart to this guy it seems, and he to you.  He is now responsible for you as you are for him; and that makes you his family now.  It is his responsibility to deal with his mother.  He is the one that needs to be telling her to back off here.

Answer 7

Maybe it bothers you so much what she thinks because there is some truth to what she is saying. I strongly agree that if you are commited enough to have child then you should be commited enought o be married first.  Being defencive is only going to make her dislike you more and withholding her grandchild is going to put your BF in a difficult situation and not matter what you think there are very few men who choose a GF over there mother.