How come my son acts different when he is with me?

Question

I'm a single mother, my sons dad is not in the picture. Actually he terminated his rights last year and hasn't seen him since christmas of 2006. I'm doing very well for myself though. I have a house, car, land and the same job for 4 years. So when i work, my parents watch my son and i pay them babysitting money each month. I am very thankful for how much they help me, and plus they love him to death. But my question is my son acts different when he is at my house than my parents house. He doesn't want to mind sometimes, he pitches fits when he don't get his way and sometimes he won't even eat at home. He has even told me before that he doesn't want to stay with me, he wants to stay with mawmaw and pawpaw, but when he goes to my parents he's good and he eats like a pig and he's very happy there. Is there anything i can do to make him more happy and behave? I take him places, we do stuff together so it's not like i'm no fun. Any suggestions?

Answer 1

just because he's only 5 doesnt mean he doesnt notice not having a dad around.

he could be holding you accountable for that, obviously he's not going to sit down and have a conversation with you about it.

children express their emotions in scary and strange ways sometimes..

i really recommend child counseling- it's not a bad thing!

they don't sit him down and talk to him all the time.

they'll watch him play and see how he reacts to things to figure out the core problem.

but he's a boy.. boys need their dads.

im so sorry to hear your situation with his father.

it's not your fault that he is acting out. not only is he a 5 year old, but he's a 5 year old who is most likely a little heart broken.

look into counseling and see how it goes.

you could really learn something, and it could completely change his attitude.

Answer 2

like it or not grand parents get to have the best relationships with kids because they get to be the more unstructured and fun,  this is callus but he'll get bored more and more as time goes on give it a year or 2 and he'll be wanting to spend more time with you.

Answer 3

How old is your son? I think this is normal for kids. In my point of view, I guess it's because you didn't spend a lot of time with him, so he kind of sees you as a strange, little-known person. I think the reason why he's happy at his grandparents' place is because he goes there often since he was little, so he's more comfortable there and has some kind of affection for the place and his grandparents. Maybe you should find more time to be with your son, now that he's a bit older. Have talks, go to places more often. I bet he will starts to like you in no time :). Hope it'll all turn out well.

Answer 4

Boy, that must really hurt you to hear him say that!!  It's SO hard sometimes to not take what children say personally, isn't it?!

It could be for several reasons...they're the grandparents, whose whole "job" it seems is to spoil a bit...maybe they're letting him get away with things that you wouldn't, responding to any whine by giving him what he's asking for...?  Maybe he enjoys the time with his grandpa for that male influence that he doesn't have at home?  I would talk to your parents about it...ask them what they think the problem is, if he's said anything at their house and also, since they seem to have influence with him, ask if they will talk to him about you...about what a wonderful mother you are, how lucky he is to have you, how much you love him, etc.

I would also definitely suggest talking to him...he's 5, my daughter's about to be 5...they can communicate very well at this age, usually.  Have you asked him why he feels that way?  Tell him that you love him, that you're his mommy and he's your special boy and that you like spending time with him, that you think he's fun to be with.  And, you know what, there's nothing wrong with telling him that what he's said has hurt your feelings, either...it's good for kids to see that their words can affect someones heart and that mommy is human and gets hurt, too!  Tell him that since it hurts you so much that you want to make things all better and you need his help to figure out how to do that for him, etc.  See how that conversation turns out...I think between that and getting your parents to support your role verbally with him, things will improve!

Just don't forget to continue to parent him...it's easy to fall into the trap of being the friend and not so much the parent by trying to please them and so starting the spoiling trend.  At the end of the day, you're his parent and you still need to teach him right from wrong and show him discipline, as you know...  Eventually he'll appreciate all you've done.  In the meantime, again, remember he's 5 and while his words feel personal, they aren't meant that way...

Also remember, kids are often better for others than they are their parents!  That's nothing new and nothing to be concerned about...stick to your guns, don't allowing tantrums without discipline to show him they're wrong and be the parent you know you need to be.  He WILL come around...

Good luck to you...I definitely feel your pain and hope this helps, I think it will!  :)

Answer 5

He's mainly around his grandparents more, right? That could be it. And maybe his pawpaw is his daddy figure. Just my opinion. I hope it all works out for you though.

Have alittle talk with him and ask him why he feels like this. You'd be surprised how children can tell you whats wrong!