How common were affairs and "secret" pregnancies back in the 1800's

Question

secret meaning, the babys father wasnt the husband

Answer 1

How common affairs and secret pregnancies were probably depended upon the social class of the participants: upper-class men and women simply had more leisure time to conduct these liaisons, and the lower classes quite possibly didn't feel as intimidated by middle-class morality.  Since no contraceptives were available to most young middle-class and working-class women, girls from the time that they could become pregnant were continually warned about the evils of unmarried s*x.  Moreover, since many women died in childbirth, sexual experimentation wasn't taken lightly.

Most likely a lot of shotgun weddings took place, but actual birth dates and marriage dates aren't always available for researchers who want to subtract nine months from the date of the wedding.  Teenage girls were somewhat protected, however, because until the late 19th or early 20th century, an insubstantial diet didn't allow most adolescent girls to mature early enough to conceive and carry a baby until they were about 16 or 17. In the meanwhile, most young men needed to wait until they were in their mid-twenties until they had earned enough money to set up housekeeping, but unfortunately, this didn't stop their s*x drive.

Answer 2

I'm not sure about white families, I'm sure there were plenty, even in higher positions, but I know, since the 1800s was the slavery era, there were a lot of that between the slave master and his female slave. Thomas Jefferson (President of the U.S.) had an affair with one of his slaves, I think George Washington or another President also did.

I believe they were as common then as they are today, and I'm sure there were affairs and "secret" pregnancies between a married white man/woman and a native american or someone of any other ethnicity or nationality.

A slave may have been with a daughter/son of a slave master secretly, I bet in the north, where there were no slavery, there was plently of that going on. And probably some white men or women had secret relationships with a black person living in the north.

Answer 3

Very common. I do a lot of genealogy  and it brings  home how one women's infidelity can reduce a family line to nothing, but as people had too much to lose back then most of these secrets would remain exactly that.

I recently found out that a great great great grandfather and grandmother of mine were both bigamist with each other (also very common as divorce was not an option) and that this couples 8 children had 3 different  surnames- her maiden /his and some third parties name. So who knows, and this is not a totally unusual situation to discover.

I helped a workmate do her family tree last year and we discovered that her great-great grandmother was 13 when her great gran was born and (wait for this) her great great grandfather was only 12!

There is nothing new under the sun.

We like to think they were all well behaved and moral but life is not that simple and it never has been.

Answer 4

From what I've seen through genealogical research, I think it was just as common back then as it is today.  We're just more aware of it nowdays, because it doesn't carry the same social stigma as it did back then.  In the old days, secrets were more likely to stay secret.  But it definitely happened!  One of my families from the 1840s had enough infidelities, sexual scandals and "love children" to keep Jerry Springer on the air for years!  

Answer 5

They have always happened.  However, I don't believe there was the unabashed hedonism back even when I was growing up like there is today.

We didn't hear of Hollywood stars living together out of wedlock and probably many did.  We did know that there was a very high divorce rate among Hollywood people.

Unfotunately, kids look up to celebrities and the fact that so many live together outside of wedlock I believe has had an effect on young people.

A girl was always stigmatized for getting pregnant out of wedlock which provided some check and balance to the situation.  The guys might not have been restrained but at least the girls would just say, "NO."

This makes younger people laugh when I tell this but when I was in High School, there was a debate whether a nice girl kissed a boy good night on her first date.  It was agreed she waited until the third date.  Doing so on the first or second date would give a boy a bad impression that she was "fast."

Answer 6

I have found a lot of "rushed" weddings and illegitimate births in my tree. We complain these days about too much s*x education for youngsters these days, and foisting birth control and abortions on them, but back in the 1800s, there was no birth control to speak of, and only back street illegal abortions, so if a couple misbehaved they invariably got caught out. It makes you wonder about s*x education, though, there was virtually none back then, and a lot of pregnancies must have happened through ignorance.

My great great grandmother was christened the same day in 1821, in the same Church, as her parents got married. I assume he was the father, one of her forenames was his surname, but I shall never know for sure.

It also happened in the early 1900s. My Father's  unmarried aunt went to stay with her sister in London for several months, causing some family speculation. Now on Free BMD, I have found the birth in 1916, but don't know how much further I can take it, as child believed to be adopted.

I was interested in the answer re young parents. At one time British girls could get married at 12, and I think it was 14 for boys.

Answer 7

I've found at least one instance in each line I've researched. Just remember that rumors never died.  There are also clues.  Found a will where the wife lived on one plantation in a census and the husband in another and the wife and a son were only given $1 in the will.  A descendant of the son did the DNA test and he matched another last name, proving the hanky panky.

So from my experience, it's common