How could I have handled an awkward social situation with some way more class and dignity?

Question

Last night hubby and I went to see an advance screening of Batman. We got there about an hour early and held seats for his coworker "John" and his wife "Jane".

John and my hubby are both army, so I assumed Jane was a civilian wife like me. However, it turns out she is also army and they all work together.

I was sitting on the end of the row when they arrived. The three of them ignored me for 30 mins straight and talked about work. I felt weird butting in because I didn't know the people they were chatting about or understand their "in-jokes".

I played with my cell phone for awhile, then I told my hubby I was going to take a call in the lobby.

5 minutes later he comes out and is like, "I'm sorry we're ignoring you. We all feel bad Come back in."

But then, I didn't want to come back in because I felt all weird.

So I hung out a few more minutes and returned when the movie started.

I know that was the wrong thing.

Answer 1

Ah yes, the joys of shop talk. Usually I give "the boys" about 5-10 minutes and then I start interupting with questions like "Who is Gary?" "What's so bad about calling in an order for Mr. Hill?" and so on. Soon they find it easier to just drop the shop talk than to keep on explaining every little thing to me.

Answer 2

Excuse me, they did the wrong thing, not you. Don't apologise or feel bad for being the ignored and offended one.

I really do not subscribe to going out foursome. Isn't it good enough to go out as a couple. Why the foursome thing?

Answer 3

I think its great he even realized what he did. Most men wouldn't. Though that isn't okay, its just the facts. So I wouldn't harp on him about it but I would do like suggested and give him a signal that lets him know how your feeling without him having to be a mind reader.

Next time perhaps doing something together that doesn't set you in a line where it is easy for you to be excluded. Even if you could have jumped in it would have been awkward from where you were sitting.

I personally feel you handled it very well. Maybe it won't go like that next time they are together? Don't give up on them, just give them another shot. And if it does happen like that again, just do your best to not be snippy with them when you return. Maybe they will get the idea and stop doing it altogether?

Answer 4

What you did was OK. They did exclude you for a while, and if that made you feel awkward and you wanted a few minutes to yourself, it wasn't wrong to take it.

Answer 5

I call this the fox hole buddy syndrome. My hubby has worked for the same company for over 40 years, knows everyone from the way back time machine, knows the history of the company from the dark ages and whenever, where ever, people from his company gather, they pick his brain and talk shop.  Early on in our marriage, this really made me feel excluded and sometimes I was the hostess of the event or party.  I finally mentioned it once to my hubby after he sat very quietly, patiently and excluded at an event honoring me and people in my field.  It was hard for him to be engaged in conversations that involved inside jokes and information.  I could see how uncomfortable it was making him, so after the program was over and the tables opened up to conversation, I said, "so now let's find out what everyone else does with their lives".  We went around the table so that spouses could introduce themselves and talk a bit about themselves.  On the way out, hubby said, I wonder why that never happens when I am around people from my company.  I told him "because you don't make it happen, so everyone resorts to what they know they have in common with everyone else, WORK".  From that day on, he really makes an effort to draw not only me, but other spouses who don't work for the company into conversations about something other than work.  The point is, your hubby will never know how that makes you feel unless you tell him and in so doing, teach him a different way of handling the same situation.

Answer 6

You have every right to feel upset about it. Army life is hard. My brother is in the military and it is 99% of what he talks about. I have no clue what he is talking about either so I usually end up feeling left out. I usually politely excuse myself and go find something that interests me. Talk to your husband and tell him you feel left out when this happens and come up with a way you can signal him that you are feeling ignored and left out so he can help change the subject. He can always say man i just want to relax tonight and not even think about work and that leaves a clear opening for a topic change. If they insist on continuing the topic then just excuse yourself and find something of interest for you. You handled it just fine and they most likely didn't realize what they were doing until you left.

Answer 7

Same two people you had dinner with??

EDIT

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;...

Those two people.

Answer 8

I think we've all had that happened to us and one point in time.  Good for you to get up and I suspect that if they had continued, that you may have just gone home.

However, it seems that your husband and the couple realized their rudeness and he came out to get you and apologize.

That was so nice.