Question:

How could i improve this Short Poem?

by  |  earlier

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(Please keep in mind i'm only 15, this did happen btw)

"Beloved Grandpa"

Death came,

It took him away,

My beloved Grandpa,

I wish he could stay,

His heart had paused,

Stopped for too long,

Before we knew it,

He was gone,

Months went by,

Feels like he’s here,

I stop for a second,

To have a peer,

I search around me,

Hoping for the chance,

To possibly see him,

Just a quick glance,

Grandpa wasn’t there,

He never will be,

I get on with my life,

Knowing he’s looking down on me

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7 ANSWERS


  1. I think it was really good it came from the heart and thats what matters most I think o'h im only 14 by the way but I write poetry to Im Jamz so of my work is under poetry catagory so you should look it up. But I love the poem people don't get how girls can be so emotional with death or break ups really anything. I take my emotion and put it in poems. Well good luck with your writing. bye bye!


  2. It's lovely sweetheart, it made me cry, leave it as it is

  3. I think it is already a very nice tribute to someone you obviously loved very much. It is very sad when we lose someone close to us and I think it is best when we remember the good times we had together .

  4. I think it's really nice as it is. It's beautiful :)

  5. That's beautiful and a good piece of poetry.

    These are some lines you might want to change:

    I wish he could stay-- Why couldn't he stay?

    To have a peer (doesn't sound quite right)-- I feel him near.

    To possible see him-- change see to spot

    Knowing he's looking down on me-- knowing he's watching me.

    You might want to add a line, so it ends like this:

    "Knowing he's watching me

    Wherever I go."

  6. I think it is good and sincere. I am not happy about the word peer. I guess you had it to rhyme with here, but I shouldn`t change it. Your Grandad would be proud of you.

  7. i want him back

    this is true

    i look at the sky wanna see his face too

    come back grampa

    come and hold me

    i love you dearly i'm lonley

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