How could my two daughters’ life turn out to be opposite?

Question

I have two daughters, one is twenty six, and other one is twenty four. The oldest one was an alright student in school and got only associate degree in art. She have bunches of tattoos and piercing and so do her friends. She was a suicide girl model and worked in coffee house before she meet her current boyfriend. She has been with this guy who is deaf and twenty seven. He is a high fashion photographer and also own photography studio. He also does kickboxing professionally and does triathlon once or twice a year. He’s very sweet and gentle toward my oldest daughter and very responsible and has everything together. My husband says he cannot be any happier with her choice in guy. My oldest daughter is now running a weekend get away spa and doing quite well. They have been together for three years, have bunches of pets, and are still going very strong in relationship despite of having no plan to get married or having kids. They also own three houses already but have no cars at all.

My youngest daughter, on other hand was a straight A student who hang out with good kids, and at top of the class all way through school. She got accepted into a prestigious university. She end up transferred all credits to local community college after first semester because she got pregnant. She then got into relationship with an abusive unemployed man for two years. After that, she and her daughter moved back in with us and finished college with a degree in early childhood education. Now she’s an elementary school teacher and married to a car mechanic who is ex convict. Her husband is pretty nice but my daughter complains he is really lazy when he’s home and rarely help out around the house. They both also always complain about how their days are long and hard and how they didn’t get paid enough for what they do.

I don’t understand how could my youngest daughter seems to be doing so well at first then end up in this position while my oldest daughter was socializing with her type of people such as suicide girls and other alternative people end up with a deaf guy who turn out to be great. I also found out my youngest daughter smoke pot with her boyfriend and I was really shocked to learned my oldest daughter have never tried anything beside drinking which she isn’t fond of.

How could my youngest daughter not being too well while my oldest daughter probably will be retiring in next ten or fifteen years?

Answer 1

To be honest, I really don't think education is a metre to judge someone. While being a punk and getting tattoos isn't bad either.

I guess your older daughter grew up, just as any kid would, with loads of advice from you and life's lessons. While, maybe seeing your younger daughter, you assumed she's doing fine in her life, you really didn't give her your advices and life's lessons (i am assuming here). While your child may seem like an angel outside, there might be thousand things running in her mind. It is very necessary to have an open communication with children. If you and your elder daughter fought, it was a way of communication. While your younger daughter and you might not have had that many interactions.

I think her being away from home gave her the thoughts of experimenting in life.

Leave history apart, I think you should look at the future.

Maybe your younger daughter has taken up this habit now because she is disappointed the way her life has turned out. The good news is that she's still young, she's just 24. She needs your help.Talk to your younger daughter. Tell her that it is not too late to shape her life. Tell her how she was (good student) and what she has become. Encourage her to take up a new degree which will help her get a job (if possible, finance it too).

Constantly keep telling her that all is not over, she can still achieve whatever she wanted to.

I am sure even she will do as well as your older daughter.

Answer 2

are you sure their both yours?  

Answer 3

high school is all a big show. those "good kids" are often the bullys, the druggies, and all those things.  When the others (like your oldest) still do that stuff but its not a surprise if they get caught doin drugs, etc.

The reason why it is such a shock to you is b/c your younger daughter was "the good one" when really she was probally just hiding it from you before

Answer 4

It didn't turn out like you planned, but is that really so bad?

Study the careers of successful people in creative fields. Also look at all the "successful" bankers who are broke now. As long as we drive cars, we will always need mechanics. Don't you?

I was like your youngest daughter. Got into elite college. Did not thrive at college. Had difficulty, academic and moral conflicts, with my major, job in chosen field. Ended up socializing,

Had first real relationship which ended badly. Finished college but went on to stressful job. Started drinking, having casual s*x. My room mate started doing drugs. I got into them, wasted 5 years.

Ended up later working at a state university. Married a fun guy, had a child. He works stressful job, no vacation, is very involved in my teen's soccer, enjoys watching sports. We both dislike chores.

We don't communicate so I complain. My friends must be sick of it. I want to stop but I don't know how.

Your oldest daughter succeeded in her relationships. Maybe success with people is more important in the long run than academic success.

If your youngest daughter didn't get pregnant, she might have completed school, started a career, and be on a successful path. Sounds like she gave up and let life happen to her.

Ask your daughter if she would go to a counselor to see if she has options. Maybe you should talk to a counselor so you have better relationships with your daughter and grandchild.

Good luck.

Answer 5

They are 2 different people.

U really never know what's going on with your children unless something happens or they tell u.

Just be supportive.  They have their lives to live and they are going to do as they see fit.

Answer 6

you never know what will happen in life.  everyone is different and makes different choices.  but we all must live for ourselves.  all you can do is be there for both of them... dont be too judgementl because then you may lose her

Answer 7

you judge the past poorly

remove the plank in your eye and see for the first time

Answer 8

because they are two different people and life is like that.

why are you so concerned about it? they're both alive aren't they?!