How did you cope when your parents died?

Question

this is the one subject when i just cry whenever someone brings it up.

tonight i had 9 of my closest friends around my house.

we were just watching TV and talking... but me and 'olivia' were sat on the two seater couch at the back of the room talking secretly when she said to me.. "what do you think its going to be like when our parents die?"

i burst out crying... i hated it

i said to her i don't want to talk about it. she looked really shocked but i got really emotional about the whole thing.

i am SO close with my parents. i tell my mum EVERYTHING and i seriously don't know how I'm going to cope when they die

all i want to know is..

how did you cope? what did you do?

i would love it if people can open up to me and express their feelings.

x

Answer 1

I was brought up with my nan and grandad and I remember thinking when I was little how bad it would be when they die as I was SO close to them. When I got a little older I realised I was going to lose them fairly vearly on in life as they were older than the average parent. I didn't really cope with the idea at all, just kept it at the back of my mind, I lost my grandad when I was 19 and my nan died 10 months later as she couldn't live without him. x

Answer 2

How did I cope? Ha I don't really know.

My father died on the 25-07-2005.I was 13.Me and my sister found him, well she did i was a bit up the field. She told me to cycle to my neighbours and for them to call an ambulance then cycle home and get my mam.

When i was cycling home I started crying and then that's when I made my that I was going to be strong for my mother and sister.

So I didn't cry again. I was strong. But without realising it I had become a cold hearted s**t. I replaced the love of my father for drink and lads.

I didn't grieve But I became distant from my family.

And I turned out to be a very angry person. I was mad at everybody.

But I got some professional help and well then I became very emotional.

I really wish I could answer this question better but I can't, because it still hurts I haven't coped.

I'm still just as broken down and frail as ever.

But don't worry about the future now. Tell your parents that you love them as often as you can. Don't waist your time thinking about this.

1000000 people could answer this question but when the time comes for your parents to die, hopefully not anytime soon, you will deal with it in your own way.

Sorry I couldn't be more help.

:(

Answer 3

     You sweet thing. I'm fifty, still have my mom, and was thirty-four when my pop kicked. We're all from the South, a pretty tough bunch, but I remember a feeling I was surprised at.

     I didn't cry. Wouldn't have bothered me if I had, I just didn't. I was running a large labor union in Seattle, married with kids, and had left home when I was fourteen. Long up and running, right? Yet, even though my pop hadn't been around for advice or anything  -  hadn't seen him in seven years  -  the loss of a parent left me with this sudden feeling of being unprotected by life somehow. I felt exposed, next up on the Great Conveyor Belt, you know? Even though I was fully grown, making decisions and covering everybody's butts, out pops this little boy feeling.

     I'm a gramp now, twice over, but my momma will be gone in a few years I expect, and I don't know how I'm going to feel, I really don't. I've been a better parent to my children than my kin were to me, but even that makes me a bit down. I see how beautifully my kids have all come along and feel sad that my folks back in Missouri didn't have that. They had d**n hard lives, and I would have too, but I was always extra hard and forced a world to my liking. I wish pop was here to share it. Guessing it'll do me some good but for the moment I wish I hadn't seen your question.

     Got on this site some weeks back as a way to teach myself better typing, and all the America haters actually got me thinking about friends I grew up with and lost in the wars. Handling that has been hard again. Some chav brat talks about evil Americans and for the first time in years I thought about my making it and their not. Yesterday some kid pronounced us all racist and all I could think of was someone who'd be just a name to that brat, but to me was my friend. Thirty-plus years now, and it's like I just saw him yesterday. That has been the only deaths that seem to be hard for me. All a man can do is choke it down, right? That's how I cope. Find something to do and pay attention to the doing. But first a duty:

PFC Curtis Lee Smith

First Division, United States Marine Corp

He loved birds.  

  

Answer 4

my mother died of cancer so we had some time to deal with our feelings. my older sister and younger brother couldn't be here when she passed. It was and still is harder for them to deal with. I couldn't imagine being a only child and dealing with it. My husband lost his mother and grandmother in a months tim and it was and still is hard for him. The only thing you can do is go on and talk with someone if you aren't dealing well with it. I hope this will help someone and good luck to you all.

Answer 5

My Mum was ill for many years, but the thing that killed her was a shock and she was semi comatose for 14 days (eyes open not able to communicate - at all).

I remember feeling the same as you.

When all this happened I was 25 and was able to talk about it and visit her in hospital with at least 3 relatives at a time (big immediate family).

You cope because you cannot just curl up into a sobbing ball on the floor. There are other family members to consider and when you have cried for many many hours, you eventually have to sleep and surprisingly still need to eat (although appetite gets very small)

My Dad died about 10 years later, we only had about 2 years left with him following diagnosis, from which rapidly deteriorated. Again we supported each other and kept busy looking after him and our own families (young children don't understand the sadness you are coping with and they still need to go to playgroup or school).

And so time passes by, you visit, you cry when away from your sick parent, but you continue your life despite this.

It is 2 years since my Dad died.... time is the only healer. I can talk about him with great pride as always, but now am able to not cry as much. Weirdly you get used to being without them.  

Answer 6

i lost my father 5 years ago....the pain takes quite some time to go....it is hard but like the old saying life goes on and it does....dont think about it enjoy the time with your parents as life is very short... be happy....

Answer 7

Lots and lots of alcohol.  

Answer 8

I hope that your closeness means you will cope. My dad died last year after causing a 15 year long mystery (he apparently vanished without trace)

I located him a couple of days after he died, just in time to bury him, and I have thought about this obsessively ever since.