How did you cope with a bad relationship between parents with a newborn?

Question

my sons father and i have a love hate relationship, been like this for years. we recently got in a huge fight and he tried to get my less than two week old son taken (didnt happen, because he's basically a disgruntled ex with no job, a felony charge pending and his parents more than likely wont let him have my son at their house because they know im not a bad mom). i dont see things getting better between us.....he takes his anger for me out on our son, like one night he was mad at me cuz i was supposedly giving him attitude, so he wouldnt feed our son a bottle. he loves our son, i know this....just doesnt take care of him the way he should, especially at night when my ex is trying to get his sleep.

im always willing to put my anger aside and allow him to see our son so long as he isnt disrespectful to me...but since we got into this fight 3 days ago all he has done is called once to see if our son was okay and didnt even want attempt to hear what his doctor said.

i know he loves our son, and i want things to work out for the best....i think we should go to counseling but he does what he wants and probably wouldnt even go. so what am i supposed to do?

Answer 1

im sure you know the best thing to do you just need to do it.  it'll be heard but with your son right there with you you'll get through it.  take baby steps till your out the door.

good luck

Answer 2

You say again and again that he loves your son but a man who doesnt feed his son because you gave attitude doesnt LOVE his son. Punishing an infant due to his own dissatisfaction with you is sick. I wouldnt allow him NEAR my child. I would get a lawyer and file for monitored visitation. Its time to get rid of this guy and grow up. You had a baby, now its time to step up and realize that your "love hate relationship" could be damaging to your son. Your baby has got to come first. Not the ex boyfriend. Don't call him, don't contact him, cut all communications and let the court system handel the situation.

Answer 3

Now that the baby is here, you really have to think what is best for him.  If you and dad can work it out, then work it out and stop the fighting.  If you cant seem to get along, seperate.  You cannot fight in front of baby, its just not healthy nor fair for him.  If you cant parent they child together, do it seperately.  It IS possible, you both just need to be civil and work together for the sake of your son.  Sounds like you need to give him an altimatum.  Straighten up, or ship out.  Its not about you two anymore.  Its about baby.  Good luck!

Answer 4

i was in a similar relationship. my sons father had no job, he had charges against him and also owed alot of money in child support (which i didnt knw til almost a year after my son was born) i honestly think you should just give up on your bf. if hes going to take his anger out on your son then f*** him. thats wrong to do and your son is going to end up growing up disrespecting women and have anger problems as well. i cut all ties with my ex and its the best thing that happend to me. he started out just being anger then as the years went by he became violent towards me. you even said you dont see things getting better between you two. is this really how you want to live your life with an angry jobless "man?"  

Answer 5

do what you can do to be the best mom you can be. allow him to be a good father. if he chooses to be a loser dead-beat dad, that's on him, not you. allow the grandparents to see their grandchild.

but do NOT  get romantically involved w/ this jerk again...he's obviously not ready to be in a relationship.

if he's taking his anger out on baby (not feeding him a bottle!) that's neglect. report his a$$...this type of behavior needs to be recorded in order for it to stop. keep a log of each situation and keep reporting it. he'll have no case if he tries to get custody

Answer 6

This is not a "man". This is a boy who's not emotionally ready for children. He does not have the maturity level to put someone else first. You don't need his negative influence in you or your baby's life. If he's using being mean to the baby to get to you that's a bad indication that he's got a cruel streak. A mean tempered man who's anger will be directed at your son more and more as he realizes that he can use the great love you have for your son against you. You don't want this piece of **** in your life. You and your child deserve so much more!!! Break the cycle of abuse by getting this so called "man" out of your life. One day when you've got your self together look for a man that treats you like a queen and treats your children very kindly. Follow your instincts and don't let this a*****e stay in your life a minute longer. He could be dangerous to be with. People like that turn into big abusers. Don't let yourself or your child become a victim.  

Answer 7

please find the courage to leave him. you shouldn't take the chance that he could hurt you or your son.

Answer 8

Read this link:

http://ydr.inyork.com/ydr/newsfull/ci_10...

This is a worst case scenario of what happens when women stay with a controlling man who takes it out on the kids. This man sounds immature and if he's already willing to use the baby as an excuse to hurt you I'd LEAVE NOW. Be a strong woman and don't put up with that c**p. You're better off alone then to put up with a man who's already showing bad signs. Put the best interest of your child first - always.

The guy who did this, Harve Johnson, do you think he started off beating her? No, I'm sure it started off with something like refusing to feed her a bottle to take it out on the mom.

Answer 9

Your number one concern should be the safety and well being of your son.  I suggest that you two try to get counseling, if he refuses then give him and ultimatum. If he still refuses then I think you know what you need to do.  Not feeding a baby is abuse.  

Answer 10

"i know he loves our son"

No. He may claim otherwise, but it sounds like he just doesn't have the heart or maturity to be a loving Daddy. Loving fathers would never consider not feeding their babies a good idea.

You really think this is going to get better? No. If he "just doesnt take care of him the way he should" now, he is not going to suddenly Daddy it up with a toddler whose needs are even more complex and demanding than a newborn baby's.

"dont tell me i shouldnt have gotten pregnant by him because my son is the best thing to ever happen to me and i wouldnt trade him for the entire world."

If you love your son, keep him away from this man.

You need counseling -- FOR YOURSELF, so you can be a mother who doesn't keep jerks in her life. Self-esteem problem? Bad childhood? Whatever it is, a good therapist should be able to help you work through it.