How did you deciede to give your child for adoption? How did you know it was the right decision?

Question

How did you deciede to give your child for adoption? How did you know it was the right decision?

Answer 1

A great place to start is www.lifelineadoption.org They can offer you answers to all of your questions and counseling to see if it is really the right decision for you and your child. I have seen so many blessing come from adoption (for both adoptive and birth families) but you need someone to help you navigate through the process and answer your questions. There is no obligation if you want help- you have plenty of time to decide. Adoption is a beautiful, loving choice but even still you will need someone to support you through your pregnancy and after you place your child. Lifeline is a great place- I recommend talking to someone there.

Answer 2

Sadly I would not bring her home to be abused by my family. This does not mean I made the right decision. It means I had few other options. There were no programs to help mothers keep their infants back then. Adotion IS a c**p shoot. You have no way of knowing what your child will get but no matter what they get there is nothing you can do about it after you sign those papers. Your only the hero until the ink is dry. Then you join the ranks of substandard humans who must have something wrong with them or they wouldn't have given their baby away. THAT HASN'T CHANGED. I have been in reunion for over 8 years. My daughter got all the good stuff. That does not mean there wasn't pain or regrets. There were many. I still stand by my decision but that's because my daughter had it good. Had she not, I hardly think I would be able to look her in the eyes and tell her I stand firm on what I did to her.

Answer 3

My good friend gave a baby up for adoption nine years ago. She told me that the decision to place the baby in an adoptive home was much easier than making the decision to abort. She is now very happy she made this decision and doesn't feel any regrets at all. She feels comfortable with her decision. If you had an abortion, you would regret it for years and years, especially if you eventually marry and have children. Trust me. As far as keeping the baby with you, my friend told me that she was so young and the father took off, that that baby would have more problems in life staying with her than staying in a loving home. She got to personally pick the parents and this made her feel better knowing who this little baby was going to. Good luck!

Answer 4

I chose to parent my child, rather than give her up for adoption.  She was born 6 weeks after my 17th birthday. Her dad & I were married for a year & 1/2; divorced shortly after her 1st birthday.  

It was a bit of a struggle financially for the first couple of years. I worked 2 jobs, then decided to go back to college when I realized that I wasn't making it with a high school diploma.  I finished community college with a AA degree & was able to support us just fine after that.  I even bought a home in a nice neighborhood as a single parent.

I only considered adoption after her dad & I split up b/c my adopted mom pressured me.  For a while I worried that I wouldn't be a good mom, or couldn't parent my own child. In the end, I didn't want my child growing up wondering why she was given up for adoption.  I love her!!  And no one else can love her like I do.  

Adoption is a c**p shot, as someone else wrote. I ended up in an abusive home, adopted by a father who wanted me, and a mother who didn't really.  

I didn't have any support (moral or financial) from my family. In fact, I was estranged from them for several years b/c of them pushing me to relinquish.  I figured I had enough of a struggle on my hands trying to be a (young, divorced) parent without having to fight with them, too.  

I did (and still do) have many good friends who provided moral support.  Now my daughter is grown, a mother herself to 2 of my 3 beautiful grandkids.  NOW I KNOW it was the right decision.  Sometimes we don't know for sure until many years later.

So, look deep into your own heart.  Find the resources you need to support you in this decision - whether you decide to parent your child, or choose adoption.  

Listen to those who've cautioned you here that adoption agencies are only out to convince you that giving up your child is a "loving decision" by which they can earn $$...in other words...not exactly unbiased in their advice.  

Adoption is a permanent solution for what is often a temporary situation (minimal finances, lack of education, youth, etc.)

Don't give up on YOURSELF!  

Good luck & warm wishes, my friend~

Answer 5

My father made the decision to relinquish me for adoption over 40 years ago.  He never got over the pain.  Even though we've been reunited for nearly 7 years, he still grieves those years we lost.

Although there are some who say it's not painful to them and that they have NO regrets, I'd advise you to check out some of the many Websites and support groups for parents who have relinquished, such as Concerned United Birthparents ( http://www.cubirthparents.org ) and Origins ( http://www.origins-usa.org .)

Answer 6

=o)  The other answer made me smile that was written by someone who relinquished recently.  The warning about considering who is giving the answer is apt.  I would warn the other way... to be wary of those who are very new to being a birthparent.  After I relinquished, I would have written my answers very similarly stating how relinquishment can be a good choice.  The thing of it is, relinquishment regardless of how open or closed an adoption is, will affect your life in ways that you would never expect.  It takes a good many years to realize that impact, and even with the most ideal circumstances or thoughts given about why we relinquish, that impact is still there.  So be wary of those who relinquished recently and their pro-adoption message, just as she suggested to be wary of us who relinquished a bit later than that.

As for your specific questions, I decided on relinquishment because I didn't have faith in myself to make it through the temporary circumstances that made relinquishment look like a good idea.  I knew I would be a good mother.  What was uncertain was where I would live with my child, and how I would be that good mother with no extra family support.  If I was to choose to parent, my family made it clear I would not do it under their roof and I would be on my own.

So I chose based on what would impact my own life the least.  I chose based on what looked like the better path for my son.  I chose based on lousy choices with no one pointing out obvious flaws in logic.  That temporary troubles shouldn't be solved with permanant answers.  That family adapts to circumstances like this, and that they really wouldn't have completely cut me off.  That even by relinquishing my son for adoption, our relationships would forever be marred by what was said when in crisis, just as it would have been if I chose to parent.  That I would forever struggle with the fact that by choosing to relinquish I was declaring that I wasn't good enough.

When I relinquished it appeared to be the right decision because that was what everyone sold me on.  That there were better more suited parents out there for my son.  That I wasn't good enough.

I don't know how my life would have been had I parented.  It likely would have been rather tough that first year as we all adapted... but I suspect we would have been fine.

Answer 7

I am 29 and have had 4 children and , only one with me and one on the way, due in October. My first 3, I gave up for adoption because at the time, I was immature, didn't have a job, and no real place to live and was bouncing from friend or family's house to another friend or family's house. It is  a hard decision to make, but when you sit and think about it and know that there is no way to provide for them at the time, then it's the best thing any parent can do. Also, not having s*x and getting pregnant would be another way to avoid this issue.At the time, I was immature and didn't care. I just wanted a baby to feel love or to feel what love was like and didn't think anything about when the baby was born, what I would do~! Sometimes I regret it, but know that they are in a good home, all together and with a family memeber; a distant cousin of mine. Don't get to see them, and have not gotten pictures for 5 or 6 years, but get information about them and how their doing by a different family memeber and told how beautiful they are all the time. The oldest is going to be 11 on May 15th.

Answer 8

I was told it was the right decision. My boyfriends parents did the telling. I don't know if I ever knew it was the right decision, just hoped.

Answer 9

From what I've seen, most of the birth parents answering questions on here put their children up for adoption more than 10 years ago.  Just so you know: That isn't the way it is now!  I don't think it is fair to discourage people because of a traumatic adoption situation that happened so long ago.  I'm sure it scarred them, but is not relevant to today's standards.

I put my son up for adoption less than a year ago.  He will be one in June, and I will be there to celebrate his birthday.  

Anyway, I decided upon adoption because I could not parent a child at this time in my life.  It would have been unfair to bring a child into this world and try to raise him when I make barely more than minimum wage.   I wouldn't have been able to give him the attention, and knowledge that he deserved.  I don't want to be a low-income parent.  I want to have time to play with my child. I want to be able to afford to take my child to museums and zoos and on vacations.  I want to be able to give my child a good chance in his or her future.  I want to PROVIDE for them, not SCRAPE BY for them.  I want to read books on parenting  and child development so I can make up my mind about how I want to raise my child before he or she comes into this world.  

I knew I made the right decision during all the conversations I had with the adoptive parents I chose.  When I am at that point in my life, I hope that I will be a parent like them.  They have all the same ideals as me.  They are well informed when it comes to children.  And they brought me into their family.  Every time I see all the pictures they send me of bringing our son to the Zoo, and reading him books, and bringing him to swimming classes I know I made the right decision.

Answer 10

Be aware that -

- adoption agencies and prospective adoptive parents want your child - so will often tell you whatever you want to hear - to get your child - they don't really care about you - they want your child.

- 'open adoptions' are what is best for the child - as the child needs to know you and your family personally - for better emotional and psychological growth.

- 'open adoptions' - are not enforceable - so the adoptive family can close up contact any time they feel.

- letter and a photo once a year is NOT an 'open adoption' - this is a semi-open adoption - NOT good for mother or child.

- do not make any decision until after the baby is born.

- do not get pressured by people saying that you're doing the loving thing - if you can love and find a way to care for this child - THAT is the loving thing.

- babies want to stay with the mother that gave birth to them - that's how they are hard-wired - they don't want riches and fortune - they want their mother.

- make sure you get INDEPENDENT- counselling and an INDEPENDENT lawyer - not any attached to the adoption agency - they do NOT have YOUR best interests at heart - they want your baby.

- above all - you must let the father of the child know of your plans - and give him the option of parenting - as he and this child deserves this.

Here are links to mothers that gave up their children to adoption - some by choice - others by coercive practices -

http://www.adultadoptees.org/forum/index...

I wish you and your baby all the very best.

Answer 11

i am adopted and so is my mother and we would both tell you that while we don tknow the deciding factors for the why of it. we assume that our parents couldnt take the best care of us and wnated us to have the best so they made a huge sacrifice! which is what being a good parent is all about right?!

it was def the right decision bc we both grew upin happy loving homes! i wouldnt have changed the way my life played out for anything.

adoption is one the most selfless and generous things a perosn can do. not just for hte child, but also for the potential adopters out there!

good luck!

Answer 12

I didn't my mom made me...It has affected everything about me. It was the wrong decision I was made to do.