How did you find out about your husband's p**n addiction.....?

Question

and what got you over it?

How did you feel?

How did he react when you confronted him?

Is he trying to change?

Recently I was away and my husband was at home alone. When I got back I found p**n sites on the internet. I felt sick, literally. He knew something was up by how I acted. We held each other the rest of the night, he told me he never wanted to hurt me. He told me that I was enough, but I didn't believe him at first. It's been a few days and we are much more in love than we ever have been, but it is still hovering above my head. I don't know if I can ever heal that wound.

If there is anyone who can help me with the healing process, I would grately aprrectiate it:)

Answer 1

Jesus Creeping Sh**it Mercy.......its a collection of colored dots of light on a computer screen.

What's the beef? Hold onto one another and promise never to hurt you again? Over pornography? And for this you need to 'heal'?.

Baby...if your world is shattered over something as inane as this then you're never going to be able to handle what life has to throw at you in the future.

Start learning to chose and categorize your problems better.

Answer 2

I watched it with him.

We now have a h**l of a collection!!

LD

Answer 3

I don't think your husband is necessarily addicted to p**n...but he could become addicted in the future....Many people are going to say that p**n is a guy thing...and it is harmless...that you should just suck it up and watch it with him....Why should you lower your standards for him?  If a man truly loved his wife and respected her...Why in the h**l would he do something such as viewing p**n and getting aroused?.....knowing she will be offended?  I say kudos to the women who don't mind their guys looking at the c**p....But you really have no right in telling other women that they should just get over it.....If p**n truly isn't harmful...why are more and more marriages being destroyed by it?

Answer 4

After being on this board awhile, I know that everyone is going to tell you that every man does it, and that it shouldn't bother you, etc.

Well, not every man does it and if it bothers you, it bothers you. He needs to do things to make you feel more comfortable with this. A good idea I have heard is to set a password to the computer that only you know. That helps alot of women. Over time, you will know he hasn't been looking at it (since he can't get online) and you will feel better about it. You can begin to open back up, but the memory of it will never go away. Plus, the password helps him get over the addiction. Just like if you took cigarettes away from a smoker. (Most men can't look at p**n outside of the home...you would get caught at work/library). Just talk through it and see what works best for you two.  

Answer 5

My ex husband left a history on the computer while I was at my grandmothers house with the kids.  My friends ex husband was into g*y p**n and she got the phone bill for $1,000.  We called the numbers and it was g*y p**n.  After all the admissions and everything, my husband just got insulted and said he'd quit.  Her husband and she divorced because he was g*y.  It is was disturbing for both of us.  It is a problem like any other, you just make a no fail environment as best you can.  I know some people love their p**n, others flat out hate it.  Get rid of the internet if he can't stop it or put a password on it.  Most likely tho, he is just bored and wants to feel like a man again.  It has nothing to do with you not being woman enough.  

Answer 6

I think you are overreacting. All men with healthy sexual drive watch p**n (and a lot of women too). Addiction is when him watching p**n interferes with his life, when he can't work, he forgets to take care of his children, doesn't have s*x with you. You acting like he was cheating on you. I think you are too insecure.  p**n is entertainment, it's very impersonal, it doesn't mean you are not enough. Why don't you try to watch it together so he wouldn't have to hide it from you or if you don't like it just let him indulge in it from time to time.

Answer 7

Healing process over p**n? Wow, talking about self esteem and insecurities. Apparently your husband wants and the only thing you will do with nagging him for such stupid things is make him lie to you. good luck with that. I can see you divorcing poor man because he's watching p**n, haha, loony toons.

Answer 8

I don't think i can help you with the healing process but i can answer your questions!

I found out because i found the credit card statement and was not sure what the charge was for.  When i called the company it was a monthly on line charge!  Yes, i was paying for it....

Nothing got me over it.  I was ok the first time because he canceled it and blah blah blah... then my birthday came around and he said he was short on money (we kept all accounts separate after that) and he couldn't afford to purchase a gift but would the following week! lol, i found a receipt in his pocket for $250.00 the day of my birthday... from the p**n shop!

He apologized and swore it was not a big deal.. blah blah blah

No he didn't change!

Just so you know, there are people not just men who are addicted to p**n.  Yes it is an addiction.  Your husband may not be one of those people but if he is.... No he can not help himself!

Answer 9

It doesn't sound like your husband is addicted. It sounds like he's a normal man and normal men look at p**n. It's just the way things are!

It's only a problem if he ignores you and your needs to watch it by himself.

Believe him when he says it has nothing to do with you, because it really doesn't.  

Answer 10

Who cares? I would rather my husband be watching p**n by himself and trying the things that he discovers on me versus being with someone else period. Men are men. Ladies some things we just have to let go. This is nothing. Call when you find out that he is cheating

Answer 11

Go see a psychiatrist.  See if he'll cure you.  Being sick over some silly pictures is an indication of a very sick mind.  The nerve of your husband not to think just like you do.  

Also, looking at p**n while you went away hardly makes him addicted.

24/7?  That's addicted.

Oh!  Hubby will still look at p**n, he'll just do a much better job of hiding it from you.  You're begging the poor guy to lie to you.

Answer 12

So, you're punishing your husband for your insecurities?  How thoughtful of you.  You feel inferior to pictures of women that your husband likes to look at.  

What makes you think it's an addiction?  Is he sitting there 24 hours a day, 365 days a year looking at it?  Did he lose his job over it?  That would be an addiction.

Most guys look at p**n, alot of women enjoy it too for that matter.  They look at p**n the way women look at other women with babies, or a $3000 Prada design.  There's no difference.  Men like women's bodies, so what?

Why should he change the fact that he likes to look at p**n sometimes?  He's not hurting you or himself.  The only one hurting you, is you, because you don't know your own self-worth.

Seek therapy for your insecurities before you destroy your relationship.  You're not his mother to tell him what he can and can't do.  And he will continue to do what he wants to do, whether you know it or not.  All you are doing is fostering a relationship where he can't tell you his feelings, nor share with you his desires, because you have forbidden him to do so.

Answer 13

Well my husband is not an addict but he does or should i say did watch p**n freely until i found out -i asked him randomly one day. You do not have to watch p**n with him -i refused to. I don't like watching p**n or have my husband watch p**n. I also felt betrayed by him as if i was inferior. We almost split as i felt it violated our trust and what we had. I know loads of people out there don't agree with me but it's my opinion and how i feel about p**n. p**n is a fantasy -it's not real. Why get stuck in that?

Answer 14

Ok so he is addicted for looking at p**n while you are out of town?  Wow.  And before this it was never an issue?  I don't feel that would be classified as an "addiction".  

Answer 15

one of his friends confronted me with telling me how the husband had been watching p**n, then the husband ends up going to s*x shops indeed..so that he could n't get caught, but ended up getting caught and I found out by doing my own investigation.

Answer 16

How do you know it is "p**n addiction"?  Maybe I am wrong but I think most men look at p**n at some point in their lives married or not.  It is a fantasy thing and usually has nothing to do with the wife/girlfriend.

Answer 17

Welcome to men, enjoy your stay

Answer 18

ok you should just suck it and swallow his pride.   just like the song "I'm only a guy"