How did you get past the woes of being a single mom?

Question

I'm 19 and my fiance of two years and I broke up durring the middle of my pregnancy. He's still helping out, taking me to all of my appointments, we're going to have joint custody and he's so excited about the baby. But I still love him more and more with each passing day. Seeing him, while makes me so happy in one aspect, also makes me sad. We've had a few intimate encounters since we've split up so I'm not sure if he still has feelings for me. But the big question is...how did you get past your woes of being a single mom. I've gotten advice from my mom and oldest sister because they've went through it, but..all I keep getting is, "well you have to be strong for your baby and you'll still love him but will eventually get past it, you're a strong woman" and thats all i've been getting. I just want to hear the truth. I want to hear how others dealt with the pain.

If you answer this, please don't write anything about how he's an a$$ for leaving me. We both contributed to some problems that started waaaay before I got pregnant. So nothing negative about him or I please.

Answer 1

I think it's great he is still there for you. Too many men would have just bailed completely. Forget being intimate for now, so it's the brain doing your thinking. It could just be that he is going through what I call daddy panic, or it could be he is using you for intimacy. Give him time to think it through. Of course you're sad, having a baby with someone is huge, and I'm sure your fantasy of that involved dad there every step of the way, gong out at midnight to satisfy your crazy cravings, sharing every little change in your pregnancy, loving your for bringing his baby into the world, someone to be excited with you, planning every last detail. And that is gone.

As to being a single parent, it is tough at times. But when your baby first looks at you you will find the strength. Every milestone will give you resolve. You will have sad times, I won't lie to you, but every moment of sadness will be counterbalanced by pure joy, and absolute love. Just have your cry, take a deep breath, and go cuddle the baby.

There were times that my son did things and I was totally jazzed, only to turn to tell someone and nobody was there.I felt really lonely.Then I just decided that I would figure out a way to share everything with his dad, just because I needed to. Because I was not in a place emotionally where I could talk directly to him, I left him messages and e-mails. Because I did that, father and son have a relationship now.

For our son, I used the love I do still have for his dad to put aside my pain and encourage their relationship. Once we have both dealt with what is going on in our lives, we may or may not find each other again, but until then... "guess what your son did today"? (We are friends, and that is a comfortable place to be.)

I found keeping myself busy so I don't dwell helped. If I was home when I began thinking too much, I'd work out any way I could, even if it only involved playing with my babe, so I benefitted two ways!!

As to dealing with my feelings for daddy I had to take a few months "holiday" from him (no contact at all), to let the wounds heal a little, so I could talk to him and not be a total basketcase after. It helped me get out of relationship mode and into coparent mode.

As to joint custody, I always advise women to get full custody. There seems to be less regret over that.

Answer 2

i was 16 and had been with my bf 3 years when i fell preg and he decided to leave me but i got through it by just focusing all my attention on getting ready for the baby

in someways it was easier not having a partner as i could do whatever i liked with my child (such as go visit family interstate, dress him how i want ) and be the kind of parent i wanted without having to answer to anyone

i think the fact you have your ex around half the time makes it feel as though you arent really broken up exspecially if you are still sleeping together, the time you spend together makes it harder to be apart so id just keep it to the basics of only be together when you need to for the baby

Answer 3

You need to keep FULL custody of the baby.The father can come get the baby,buy thing ,etc.If he gets mad he will try to get full custody.Seen it done too many times.I am a single mother of 3.It will never be easy,like your family said you have to be strong.Kids are a full time job and no matter how hard things get you can't quit.Don't be so dependent on the baby father to do alot of things,if he can't do it you will get depressed.Sometimes you will need time for your self,try to get a family member to baby sit.Things will be alright you are young and you still can do the things you always planned to do. Good luck

Answer 4

If you have another baby this would give you something to think about other than your ex boyfriend, and it would be company for an only child with a single mum.

Answer 5

You should consider yourself lucky. I am not a single mom but my mother was. She was exactly the same age as you and my father was doing drugs and chose those over supporting his children. You will be fine!!!!!!!! A mother always finds a way to love and support her children and with a man like that who is willing to stick around you will be absolutely fine. NO NEED TO FEEL ALONE. When life gets rough think of people who have it worse. It will help you move forward!