How did you teach your kids about s*x?

Question

I'm in a particular strange situation. Ever since I was a child my parents have pounded into my head that I cannot and will not have s*x until I am married. It is 100% understanding why many should follow those guidelines because you should always have the comfort of knowing someone is there who won't leave you incase you become pregnant, and provides support. But as I grew older I feel like my parent haven't allowed me to make my own decision on not only this but many manners. I have been in an almost 3 years relationship with my boyfriend and we plan on getting married in the next couple of years. I made my own decision to lose my virginity to him because he is someone that I love and WOULD support me if I became pregnant. However I have to hide it from my parents who would probably disown me from the family if they knew we were having s*x. I don't understand why that can't just be supportive of my decisions. I don't sleep around, and I am in a very serious relationship. It wasn't even enjoyable the first couple times it happened because I felt like it was something dirty, not beautiful. As a parent, shouldn't you allow your child to make that decision on their own and provide them with proper precautions instead of ruling it out all together. I hate sneaking around my parents back, but I don't feel like it's very fair. Can anybody give me their respected opinions on this?

Answer 1

We've always tried to be pretty open with our boys about s*x.  It's not a real taboo topic in our house, though we try to keep discussion age-appropriate and try to censor television, movies and mostly our own mouths.  While the boys probably don't ask me or their dad every question that pops into their heads, they do occasionally have questions.  We always answer truthfully, even when it hurts!

My oldest is twelve now and he pretty much knows the birds and the bees.  He had "the talk" at school last year, but the year before I found him reading the reproductive section of his health textbook so we had a talk of our own.  I also have an 18-month old son, and being pregnant with him brought about a lot of questions, including my favorite of all time: "Oh my God mom!  You did that?  With DAD?  MORE THAN ONCE?"

We always tell our kids that s*x is something beautiful and enjoyable that God created because He loves us and because He wants us to be happy and have intimate relationships.  But we also teach them that s*x outside of marriage, and outside of God's plan for s*x, has big consequences.

My oldest son knows that I got pregnant with him when I was fresh out of high school, to a man I never married, and we struggled for years trying to make it on a single income with no child support and no contact from bio dad, until I married my husband five years ago.  My son knows I love him and don't regret him for a second, but he's pointed out himself that he wishes my husband was his "real" dad and that life would have been easier for both of us had I done it "the right way."

My kids know that they will be responsible for their own choices when they are older.  They know our expectations and I surely hope they know that we will always support them no matter what, even if we very much oppose their decisions.  We will never allow or condone our kids having pre-marital s*x, but we're fairly realistic about the fact that both my husband and I lost our virginity as teenagers and - as much as we might regret it now - our kids will have the same temptations.  We just hope that they will learn from our experiences and make better choices for themselves.

As for you, I think your opinion on this question will change a lot when you have kids of your own.  From the second my oldest son was born, I never wanted to do anything ever again that would lead him down the wrong path.  It was also the first second that I ever really started to think in terms of "wrong" and "right" instead of "well, it feels good and everybody's doing it" or "I'm not sure I can get away with that, I better not!"

When I got pregnant with my oldest son, I was in a relationship with the same guy I'd been dating since age 13.  I was so sure that we would get married and that he would always stand by me no matter what.  In fact, we talked about it all of the time.  Well, when I got pregnant the summer after graduation, everything changed in a hurry.  He's met our son a grand total of five times in twelve years, been to jail twice for failure to support a dependent (even though I never reported him, the state took action on their own), and he spread rumors all around town that he wasn't my son's real father.  Nevermind that my son's his spitting image and he'd been the only man I'd ever dated!  Trust me, s*x is better inside marriage than out and you never really know how someone will react to unexpected news until it arrives.  Your parents just want to spare you that pain.

Answer 2

All my parents told me was that its bad and dont do it. I didnt learn anything from them i found out from my friends and watching it on tv.

Answer 3

You and I feel the exact same way. I, too, wish my parents would just respect my decision about what I want to do, but I guess they are just trying to shelter us from our own selves, and how "naive" we are.

When I was younger though, my mom taught me about my period. It was kind of a stimulus-reaction kind of talk, and that was the end of that. As I got older, I learned about other parts of s*x through friends, softball teammates, peers, and the media. Once my mom realized that I knew more about s*x that she thought I did, she loosened up on the subject. However, once my boyfriend and I had been dating a little over 6 months, she started preaching about "safer s*x". Then, a few months later she started preaching "abstinence" and nothing but. So, to this day, that's all I ever here, and to make things worst, I have to take health in school, which talks about unplanned pregnancy and preventative measures all the time. Not to mention she won't let me get on birth control pills because, quote from her, "It will give you cervical cancer.", "It will give you migraines.", "It didn't work for me; it won't work for you.", when really, my periods are really irregular, and although it would be nice for a backup method, I want the pill to regulate my period.

In my opinion though, it's my life, my body, my choice. I'm responsible and mature. I mean, I feel bad and really do want to be honest with my mom, but with or without my family's opinions or belief, or birth control, or anything else that may lead me to or not to having s*x, at the end of the day I'm going to do what I want. End of story.

Have a good day :)

Answer 4

ya my parents didnt teach me my teachers did and i found out more on the internet and im only 14 i knew almost all i needed to know when i was 12,and if its a child going to have a children you shouldnt cause you might regret it later on.but if your like 16+id say its somewhat ok SOMEWHAT!!!!!!

Answer 5

My oldest is 14 and she knows all about s*x. I told her "I would prefer you not to have s*x until you are in a stable relationship, or married. But I can't make the decision for you. And if you do decide to have s*x then I want you to be safe." She understands and she also knows that I got pregnant when I was 19 with her father. We weren't married but we got married when she was about 1. She knows its her decision and I care about her and support her.

In your situation, I think you should just talk to your parents. But how old are you. That may affect things.

Good luck!

Answer 6

Children should be taught from a very young age about the birds and the bees in simple terms then as they get older expand on the information.

Answer 7

  I am some what in the same boat on this issue. I am 26 years old and had waited till recently to give it up. But I only gave it up becouse I could support a family if my girlfriend got pregnant. She did but had a miscarrage. My family dose not know exept a few. My mom certenly dose nto know. She believed I was a good boy that would wait till marrage.

  Now that you know that I can tell you this. I agree with waitting till marrage. It shows that you are giving it up to some one you truly love. It lessions the risk of STD's and it shows that you are in a better poshion to support a child.

  I think that s*x education in school is wrong. Children should learn about s*x from there parents. It is the parents responsibilty any way not the schools or the governments.

  So my awnser would be Yes I would teach my kids about s*x. And Urge them to make responsible choices wihen it comes to s*x. But if they end up doing it before then I will be understanding. And if they should have a kid or get pregnant I would make them step up.

I am pro life. The child should not die becouse of the parents misjudgment.  I would help them care for the kid though.